tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Wed Sep 18 23:58:30 2013

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Re: [Tlhingan-hol] Ozymandias

nIqolay q (niqolay0@gmail.com)



On Wed, Sep 18, 2013 at 2:07 PM, Robyn Stewart <robyn@flyingstart.ca> wrote:
> bom vImaSbogh 'oH.  Do'Ha' jabbI'ID'e' labbogh nIqolay vIleghlaHbe'.
> chImlaw' jabbI'IDDaj. jIHvaD yIlabqa', nIqolay, 'a DaH mutlhu' qechlIj.

I'm not fluent enough to easily decipher large blocks of Klingon, so
I'm real glad I've still got a copy of pojwI'. :) Here's my attempt
again:

Sep ngo'qu'vo' lengpu'bogh vay' vIqIH.
jatlh. DebDaq Qam tInqu'bogh cha' negh 'uSDu' 'ej ro Hutlhbogh.
bIHDaq Sum qab ghorlu'bogh. bID qab So' Deb lam.
nuj QeH, wuS vIl, ra'wI' mon bIr je ghaj qab.
nongmoHwI'mey tu'chu'ta' Hew chenmoHwI' 'e' ja' bIH.
taHtaH nongmoHwI'meyvetlh. yInbe'bogh DochmeyvamDaq lughItlhlu'ta'.
Heghpu' chenqa'moHbogh ghop je'bogh tIq je.
Hew QutlhwI'Daq nargh mu'meyvam.
<<'oSIymanDI'yaS, ta'pu' ta', 'oH pongwIj'e'.
ta'meywIj tItu', HoSghajwI', 'ej petulHa'.>>
ratlh pagh latlh.
raghpu'bogh pIgh'a'vetlh Dechbogh yoS'a'Daq, chImchu' veH Hutlhbogh Deb'e'.

I do like your version, though. Much less wordy, for one.

> Sep tIQ Dabbogh lengwI' vIqIH. jatlh ghaH,
> DebDaq QamtaH cha' nagh 'uSDu' tIn.
> bIHDaq Sum, bID mollu', QottaH qab.

mol is a useful word here that I had forgotten about.

> monHa'taHmo' Quch wIH 'ej ra'law'taHmo' wuS
> po'ba' Hew chenmoHwI', vaqtaHvIS ghop.

"Mock" in the original "the hand that mocked them" is an older meaning
of the word meaning to create an imitation, I'm not sure vaq would
mean the same thing.

> nongtaH yIn Hutlhbogh Dochmeyvam.
> 'ej QutlhwI'chajDaq mu'vam lughItlhlu':
> Ozymandius ta''a' 'oH pongwIj'e'.
> ta'meywIj tIlegh, HoSwI'pu', 'ej peHaj.
> pa' retlhDaq ratlhtaH pagh.
> Hewvetlh pIgh tInqu' luDech puH chIm
> pa'vo' HopDaq taH beQqu'bogh lam mob.

pa'vo' HopDaq doesn't make a lot of sense to me though. Would Daq
HopDaq taH "continues to a faraway place" work better?

>
> - Qov
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nIqolay q [mailto:niqolay0@gmail.com]
> Sent: September 18, 2013 11:01 AM
> To: tlhingan-hol@kli.org
> Subject: Re: [Tlhingan-hol] Ozymandias
>
> On Wed, Sep 18, 2013 at 11:17 AM, Steven Boozer <sboozer@uchicago.edu>
> wrote:
>>
>> nIqolay q:
>> > I tried translating Percy Bysshe Shelley's poem, "Ozymandias", into
>> > Klingon. It is not an easy poem to translate.
>>
>> This will take a while to process, but first impressions...
>>
>> > I met a traveller from an antique land Sep ngo'qu'vo' lengpu'bogh
>> > vay' vIqIH.
>>
>> This is a good opportunity to use {tIQ} "be ancient" - we are talking
> about Egypt after all.  Also why not simply say {lengwI'} "traveller"
> instead of {lengpu'bogh vay'} "someone who has travelled"?  E.g.
>>
>>   Sep tIQvo' lengwI' vIqIH
>
> I wasn't sure if nouns with type-5 suffixes could modify another noun in
> that sense. And as ghunchu'wI' points out, it could easily be confused as
> modifying the verb qIH instead of the noun lengwI'. tIQ is a very useful
> word here, though, and I had forgotten it exists, so thanks!
>
>>
>> > Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck,
>> > boundless and bare The lone and level sands stretch far away.
>> >
>> > ratlh pagh latlh. raghpu'bogh pIgh'a'vetlh Dechbogh yoS'a'Daq,
>> > chImchu' veH Hutlhbogh Deb'e'.
>>
>> Using {tIQ} allows you a bit of word play with {tIq} "be long, be lengthy"
> at the very end, e.g.
>>
>>   tIqtaH chImbogh 'ej mobbogh Deb'e'
>>
>>   tIqtaH chImbogh mobbogh je Deb'e'
>
> Can tIq also apply to wide open areas? tIq Deb suggests to me sort of a
> long, skinny desert, rather than a desert which goes into the distance for a
> very long way. I wanted to make sure to convey the latter idea, which I why
> I used veH Hutlhbogh Deb'e' ("boundless desert").
>
> Also, is it necessary to mark Deb with -'e' when there's no other noun in
> the phrase? I thought using -'e' in relative clauses was used when there
> could be confusion about whether the subject or object is the head noun.
>
>> The second version is modeled on the Anthem:
>>
>>   yoHbogh matlhbogh je SuvwI' Say'moHchu' may' 'Iw
>>   The blood of battle washes clean the warrior brave and true.
>> (Anthem)
>>
>> > And I'm not sure nongmoHwI' ("that which causes one to be
>> > passionate") is really the best translation for "passion", though
>> > there's not a lot of vocabulary for emotions yet.
>>
>> The only example of {nong} also comes from the Anthem:
>>
>>   maSuv manong 'ej maHoHchu'
>>   We fight, we love, and then we kill. (Anthem)
>>
>> Another "emotional" verb is {DuQ} "touch (emotionally)".  The only nouns I
> can think of are {parmaq} "love, romance" and {bang} "love, one who is
> loved, beloved one" which are clearly inappropriate here.
>>
>>
>> --
>> Voragh
>> Ca'Non Master of the Klingons
>>
>>
>>
>>
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