tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Thu Apr 05 10:04:39 2007
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Re: Psalm 23
At 04:42 PM Wednesday 4/4/2007, alpha Omicron you wrote:
>I have made a translation attempt for Psalm 23, looking for corrections.
Here are a few suggestions just to get the ball rolling...
(ESV version and notes from http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Psalm+23 )
>joH ghaH Ha'DIbaH wIjwI'wI''e',
1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. [KJV & ESV]
Word order (Object - Verb - Subject):
Ha'DIbaH wIjwI'wI' ghaH joH'e'.
*{Ha'DIbaH wIjwI'} "animal farmer". WRT raising animals you could also use
{Sep} "breed":
Klingons generally {Sep} ("breed") small animals such as {gharghmey}
("worms"). (KGT 89)
DloraH used *{Ha'DIbaH QorghwI'} in his Gilgamesh translation - from the
verb {Qorgh} "take care of, care for" - which I think fits the idea of this
psalm better: G-d takes care of you.
Some people prefer *{joH'a'} for The Lord, others just use {Qun} "deity,
god(dess)".
>jIneHbe'.
I've always understood "want" here to mean {Hutlh} "lack, be without" not
{neH} "want, desire" - i.e. I shall want for nothing, I shall not lack
anything: {vay' vIHutlhbe'} though I suppose {vay' vIneHbe'} "I don't want
(desire) anything" also works. YOu can also substitute {pagh} "nothing"
and drop the {-be'}: {pagh vIHutlh} "I (will) lack nothing" or {pagh
vIneH} "I (will) want nothing".
>yotlh SuDDaq jIQot 'e' rad ghaH;
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; [KJV]
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures. [ESV]
{raD} "force, compel"
I don't think it's a matter of compulsion. This is saying that G-d allows
{chaw') me to lie down in a beautiful, quiet place. The idea is that since
G-d is watching over me, I can rest {leS} peacefully and safely. Use
{chaw'} "allow, permit, let"
yotlh SuDDaq jIleS 'e' chaw' (ghaH)
he lets me rest in a green field
yotlh SuDDaq jIQotchoH 'e' chaw' (ghaH)
he allows me to lie down in a green field
Note {-choH} "change in state": {Qot} "lie" vs. {QotchoH} "lie down".
Also in Klingon the pronoun is optional unless you're stressing it
particularly: *he* (and no one else). Either way, you should use it or
not use it consistently - e.g. the following clause... The repetition of
{ghaH} would tie all the verses together nicely.
>bIQ tammey retlhDaq muDev.
2 he leadeth me beside the still waters. [KJV]
2 He leads me beside still waters. [ESV]
Put the plural suffix on the noun: {bIQmey tam} "quiet waters".
bIQmey tam retlhDaq muDev {ghaH}
>qa'wIj choq ghaH;
3 He restoreth my soul; [KJV]
3 He restores my soul. [ESV]
{choq} "preserve, save"
Hmm... I'm not sure exactly what this is supposed to mean. Some other
verbs: *{choHHa'} from {choH} "alter, change"; {nobHa'} "give back,
return"; *{chu'moHqa'} "renew, renovate".
>pongDajvaD quv HemeyDaq muDev.
3 he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. [KJV]
3 He leads me in paths of righteousness [2] for his name's sake. [ESV]
[2] Or "in right paths"
For "righteousness" I would (of course!) use {batlh} "honor". This is a
Klingon translation after all.
Just so you know, Marc Okrand once told SuStel (?) at some qep'a' that {He}
"course, route" can *not* be used in a metaphorical or spiritual sense for
"way" or "path," such as The Klingon Way or the Way of the
Warrior. However, it can be used for an actual physical route:
That is, while it is acceptable to say {He Qob} ("dangerous route"), using
{Qob} ("be dangerous") adjectivally, it is ungrammatical to say {He Qom}
for ("perilous route"). (KGT 163)
If the "valley of the shadow of death" in the next line is an actual place
- as it may well have been: remember that David was running from place to
place in the Judaean Desert trying to avoid King Saul's men - then {He} is
quite appropriate. {jey} "itinerary" may also work, in the sense of a
series of destinations {ghochmey} during one's life although I'd imagine
Okrand might have the same problem.
>Hegh QIb ngechDaq jIyIt 'ach choQanmo' mIghwI'mey vIqIHvIpbe';
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear
no evil: for thou art with me; [KJV]
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, [3] I will
fear no evil, for you are with me; [ESV]
[3] Or "the valley of deep darkness"
{Hegh QIb ngechDaq} "in death's shadow's valley"
Another way: {Hegh ngech HurghDaq} "in death's dark valley"
> mujotmoH chonnaQlIj naQlIj je
4 thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. [KJV]
4 your rod and your staff, they comfort me. [ESV]
>SaHDI' jaghwI'pu' jIHvaD Soj DachenmoH;
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: [KJV]
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; [ESV]
One could also say {raS Dacher} "you set up/establish a table".
>nachwIjDaq taS pI' lan;
5 thou anointest my head with oil; [KJV]
5 you anoint my head with oil; [ESV]
Some people have used {ngoH} "smear, paint using fingers" for
"anoint". {lIch} "pour (into/onto anything)" would also work.
Instead of {pI'} "be fat" use {jeD} "be thick/dense/viscous".
nachwIjDaq taS jeD DangoH
you smear thick liquid on my head
nachwIjDaq taS jeD DalIch
you pour thick liquid on my head
Don't forget the prefix {Da-} "you [do something] to it"
>naQqu' HIvje'.
5 my cup runneth over. [KJV]
5 my cup overflows. [ESV]
Suffix: {HIvje'wIj} "*my* cup"
>mutlha'bej quv parmaq je, jIHeghDI'
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: [KJV]
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, [ESV]
{parmaq} "love, romance" is probably not the word you want; it's often
closer to "lust".
>joH tuqDaq jIyIn.
6 and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. [KJV]
6 and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. [ESV]
reH joH juH vIDabtaH
"I shall always reside/dwell in (continuously) the lord's house"
{yIn} is "live, be alive". For live in a place we have a special verb
{Dab} "reside in/at, dwell in/at" from KGT which is used without
{-Daq}: {qachvetlh vIDab} "I live in/at that building", {Qo'noS vIDab} "I
live on Kronos".
{reH} with {-taH} is a good way to render "forever". E.g.:
reH 'uQvam vIqawtaH
I will remember this dinner forever. PK
reH tlhIngan wo' taHjaj
May the Klingon Empire continue forever! PK
pa' reH maSuvtaHqu'
where ("there") we battle forever. (Anthem)
--
Voragh
Ca'Non Master of the Klingons