tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Thu Jan 13 18:46:33 2000

Back to archive top level

To this year's listing

[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next]

RE: KLBC: Sto-Vo-Kor lojmItmey

jatlh jenwI':

> This story is about the famous Zen master Hakuin and a samurai 
> named Nobushige.  It's a very Klingon story.  (Can anyone tell
> I've been into Japanese literature lately? =) )  I have taken 
> some liberties with equivalent concepts in the Klingon, for 
> example I have used <tlhIngan SuvwI'> for "samurai", <pujwI'> 
> for "beggar" (I couldn't find a word for "beg" in the sense 
> of for money, but presumably Klingons would consider beggars 
> to be weaklings).

Voragh has already suggested <qoy'wI'> for "beggar", which works quite well.

> Again, please tell me if there are better ways I could've 
> expressed things.

lu'.

> *Sto-Vo-Kor lojmItmey*
> = "The Gates of Paradise"

Be aware that Klingon also has a word - <QI'tu'> for "Paradise". What/where
<QI'tu'> is exactly is not clear, nor is its relation to <Sto-Vo-Kor> or
<ghe''or/ghe'tor>. I prefer to use <QI'tu'> when talking about this sort of
thing because it actually fits into the language, but <Sto-Vo-Kor> gets all
the attention in the TV shows, etc.

> *Hakuin-vaD yu'meH Such SuvwI'.

Since the object of <yu'> can almost certainly be a person, you don't need
the <-vaD> here.

> SuvwI'vaD *Nobushige ponglu'.
> jatlh SuvwI': "Sto-Vo-Kor ghe'tor je lutu'lu''a'?"
> = A soldier came to question Hakuin.  The soldier's name was
> Nobushige.  He asked, "Is there a paradise and a hell?"

maj. The <lu-> here, which is often omitted, is grammatically correct and
sets a formal tone appropriate to the story.

> ghel *Hakuin, "'Iv SoH jay'?" jatlh.
> = Hakuin asked him, "Who (the #$%$) are you?"

maj.

> jang SuvwI', "tlhIngan SuvwI' jIH!" jatlh.
> = The soldier replied, "I am a Klingon warrior (samurai)!"

maj.

> *Hakuin merlu'law'.

While <merlu'> is fine, you might want to make the subject explicit:
<*Hakuin merlaw' ngoDvam> or <... mu'meyvam>.

> jatlh: "SuvwI', SoH?  yaSDaj DaDa 'e' laj 
> ra'wI' Dogh neH.  pujwI' qab 'oH qablIj'e'."

maj. Very nice. The <'oH> in the last bit sounds better (at least to me)
than <rur> would.

> = Hakuin looked surprised.  "You, a warrior?  Only a fool would
> have you for an officer.  Your face looks like that of a
> weakling (beggar)."

> QeHqu'choH *Nobushige vaj betleHDaj ngol SuvwI',
> = Nobushige became very angry, and lifted his bat'leth to strike
> (i.e. He drew his sword - you know, the way samurai do.  Did MO
> give us a verb "to unsheath a sword"?)

This flows better with a comma before <vaj>, and the second subject of
<SuvwI'> sounds out of place. I'd leave it out.

> 'ach jatlhtaH *Hakuin: "vaj, 'etlh Daqeng!  
> nachwIj teqlaHbe'law', jejHa'qu'mo' 'etlhlIj!"

> = but Hakuin continued, "So, you carry a sword!  The blade is 
> probably much too dull to cut off my head!"

<toH!> is perfect for this meaning of "So". It's also generally better style
to put the <-mo'> clause before the main clause, and it's almost always
better style to put a repeated subject after the first rather than the
second verb. You might want to drop the noun entirely here since it is
fairly obvious. Finally, <ghaytan> is probably better than <-law'> here.

... jejHa'qu'mo' ghaytan nachwIj teqlaHbe'.

> (I hope I have the words and grammar right, but I think that 
> this phrase translates *really* nicely into Klingon culture.  
> Ouch! What an insult!!!  mu'qaD veSvaD pupqu'!)

My favorite mu'qaD is <jatlIj jej law' betleHlIj jej puS>.

> joptaHvIS *Nobushige, mu'meyvam ja' *Hakuin:
> "DaH ghe'tor lojmItmey lupoSmoHlu'!"
> = As Nobushige was about to strike, Hakuin said these words:
> "Here open the gates of hell!"

majQa'. This is very nice.

> mu'meyvammo' ghojmoHwI''a' Sun ghovchu' SuvwI', vaj HIv 
> 'e' mev 'ej vuvmo' DoH.
> = Because of these words, the warrior recognized the
> master's discipline, so he stopped his attack and
> backed off out of respect.  (i.e. He bowed to the master, in
> the traditional Japanese manner.  I hope I got the meaning 
> across.)

Quite nicely.

> jatlh *Hakuin: "DaH Sto-Vo-Kor lojmItmey lupoSmoHlu'."
> = Hakuin said, "Here open the gates of paradise."

maj.

>>>>>

I think this story translated rather nicely.  Many Klingon concepts,
especially the warrior ethics, are similar to those of the Japanese
samurai.  Nobushige had to defend his honour when challenged, and
yet has to yield to Hakuin's clearly superior discipline and
fearlessness.

Hakuin, in addition to being a great teacher, is evidently also 
a master of cursing.  A true Klingon gentleman!  tlhIngan SuvwI''a' 
ghaHna'!

>>>>>

Since <ghaH> is acting as a verb here, use <-bej> rather than <-na'>.

And I agree - it came off quite well.


pagh
Beginners' Grammarian

tlhIngan Hol Mailing List FAQ
http://www.bigfoot.com/~dspeers/klingon/faq.htm

Back to archive top level