tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Fri Dec 05 10:01:45 2003
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Re: KLBC 'ejDo'wIj
No,
> Voragh wrote:
> I think {bot} "prevent, block, prohibit" actually works best; it's been
> used only once in a proverb:
>
> Dubotchugh yIpummoH
> If it's in your way, knock it down. TKW
>
> which refers to taking direct, aggressive action against any kind of obstacle.
>
> {tuch} "forbid" (never used in canon) is another option.
>
> But perhaps I'm being over-cautious since this is, after all, poetry and
> poetry is meant to be metaphorical, often in innovative and unusual ways.
>
I like bot, I like it a lot, it fits in great.
So the poem looks like this at present:
batlh Dat nuqeng 'ejDo'maj.
nItebHa' tera' wIlenglaH.
jInepbe': nuloSvIp ngeHbej,
nuHaj... tlhIngan maH!
'ejDo'maj 'ut law' 'etlhmeymaj 'ut puS:
tera'Daq nuqemlaHbe' 'etlhmeymaj,
vulqanDaq nuqenglaHba'be' SuS!
nIteb yuQmey yotlaHbe' vaj!
DIcharghlaH nuchaw'mo' 'ejDo'.
nuboQ nuHmey; nuQaH je toDuj,
maSuvqang 'ach nubot juHqo'
'ej yayvaD nutlhabmoH Duj!
I'm still not happy with the first verse. For one, I want to put back in the reference to Vulcan which the original one had. I also want to make the third line actually rhyme with the first ('ejDo'maj is a stretch to rhyme with ngeHbej). So I'd like to get rid of the line <<jInepbe': nuloSvIp ngeHbej,>> to replace it with something which refers to Vulcan in someway. Since you've been so helpful, do you have any further suggestions about this line in particular?
Maybe the first verse could be adjusted to read something like this:
batlh Dat nuqeng 'ejDo'maj.
nItebHa'tera' wIlenglaH.
vulqanDaq wIpuvlaH, DaHjaj!
nuHajbej... tlhIngan maH!
I know this isn't strictly a question of just language now, but still, any thoughts? :)
qatlho',
ma'Sa