tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Fri Dec 04 08:51:40 2009
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Re: Comments sought on Klingon poem
On Mon, Nov 30, 2009 at 10:58 PM, Christopher Doty <[email protected]> wrote:
> Comments welcome/appreciated! (Even you think everything I said makes
> no sense at all :p)
After I couldn't make sense of the first two lines, I stopped reading.
I overcorrected for the lowercase and thought it was talking about "an
ancient Klingon", and without knowing what it was supposed to be I
couldn't read through the typos. Now that I've seen the response from
'ISqu', I think I can add a few constructive comments.
> 1. tlhingan tiq luchenmoHpu' Qunpu',
> 2. qul baD je lulo'pu'.
Since {qul baS je} is a plural object, the verb should not have the
prefix {lu-}.
> 4. wImevlaH
> 5. pagh.> ...
The verb prefix should be {nu-} instead of {wI-}. (I might have chosen
{'om} rather than {mev} here, unless you think the idea of stopping a
heart should be taken literally.)
> 2. 'u' teb wabchaj qabqu'.
{wab qabqu'} "very bad sound" doesn't strike me as the right way to
translate "terrible sound" in this sense. I read "terrible" here as
meaning something like "terror-inducing". Perhaps {ghIjbogh wabchaj}?
> ...not vay''e'
> 3. ghajpu' Qun,
> 4. 'ach DaH tiq
> 5. ghajchoH Qun.
'ISqu' is probably right in assuming {ghaj} is a typo for {ghIj}, in
which case you need to swap the sentences' objects and subjects: {not
Qun ghIjpu' vay''e', 'ach DaH Qun ghIjchoH tIq} "Never has *anything*
scared the gods, but now the hearts begin to scare them."
(Where did you find this excerpt from the {paqbatlh}? The only mention
of the book I can recall is in "Barge of the Dead", talking about
Kahless returning from Sto-vo-kor bearing a scar he received there.)
-- ghunchu'wI'