RE: wild nature

["Andeen, Eric" <Eric.Andeen@Sequencia.com>]

jatlh Ed:

> I am not sure that country side conveys the same 
> message as wilderness. Though the term is generally 
> associated with rural areas. Maybe the forests of 
> the country side ?


> ngech tebtaH nItbogh ngem.

The <-taH> is fine but unnecessary.

> tayqeqDaq larghbe'pu' SuS nItqu'

The <-Daq> does not belong on <tayqeq> here. What you are saying is that
"*IN* civilization, the wind did not smell anything", which is pretty much
the opposite of what you mean. Also, why do you have <-pu'> on <largh> here?
It basically means that in the time context of the poem, the act of not
percieving the scent of civilization was complete - before the poem began,
the wind took a deep breath, analyzed what it could smell, and decided that
civilization was not it. There is nothing wrong with this - I even kind of
like it - but you should be aware of what it is and how it works.

And since this is poetic, I won't consider whether it is possible for the
wind to perceive a scent in the first place.

> HuDmeyvo' vIQoyta' SaQbogh toQ,

Word order - object verb subject. <HuDmeyvo' SaQbogh toQ vIQoy>. The aspect
suffix <-ta'> really does not belong on this one. If you mean "I heard the
birds", it's <vIQoy>. If you mean "I *had* heard the birds", it's
<vIQoypu'>, unless you had intentionally set out to hear them, in which case
it would be <vIQoyta'>.

> nIteb ngem ngo'Daq jIwam HatlhDaq.

Great up until the last word. "I hunted alone in the old forest."
Unfortunately, the <HatlhDaq> at the end doesn't make sense. <ngem ngo'>
alone is just fine, but if you want to make it "old forests of the
countryside", go with <Hatlh ngem ngo'> - "the countryside's old forests".

> qaDbogh chonvamDaq vItIvbej DaHjaj

Timestamps like <DaHjaj> always have to go at the beginning of the sentence.
You also need to drop the <-Daq> again - you want "I will enjoy the hunt",
not "I will enjoy [something] *in* the hunt".

Finally, while <qaDbogh chonvam> - "this challenging hunt" is fine, you
could also consider <chonvam qaD> - "the challenge of this hunt". That one
is up to you.

> The forest which are unsullied covered the valley.
> A very pure wind had no scent of civilization.
> From the mountains I could hear the hunting birds cry, 
> alone I hunt in the old forests of the country side.
> Today I will enjoy the challenge of the hunt.

maj. 'ey bomlIj.


pagh
Beginners' Grammarian

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