tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Wed Jan 20 12:59:24 1999

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RE: KLBC: *London*Daq lengwIj

lab Matt Johnson:

> pagh, Qaghmey tIlughmoH!

lu'

> <*London*Daq lengwIj>

Since this is a title, it does not need to be a complete sentence, but I
don't generally like to put a locative in front of another noun. It's a
matter of personal style, but I think <*London* lengwIj> would work better.

> wa'Hu' *London* vISuch.
> veng'a' 'oH 'e' Har Humanpu' 'a {veng wa'DIch} tIn law' 
> *London* tIn puS. 

teH'a' ngoDvam? vI'ollaHbe'.

> Dochmey vIlegh 'e' vIQIj.

This doesn't quite work. You are saying "I will explain *that* I saw
things". If you want to explain the things you saw, you need to say <Dochmey
vIleghbogh vIQIj>. I also think of <Doch> as meaning tangible, physical
things, and I'm not sure if it can stretch the way you want it to. <Daq>
might be better.

> vergh vIghoSmeH lupDujHomwIj vIpuv.

I don't think this use of <puv> works. In English, things like "the stick
broke" and "the stick broke the cup" are common, but in Klingon, they are
(as far as we know) rare. Klingon has the suffix <-moH> for the second case.
So if you want to "fly" your shuttle, the best word is probably <puvmoH>
rather than <puv>. Also consider <chIj>, etc.

Also, as a style note, <verghDaq ...> is simpler than <vergh vIghoSmeH ...>,
and I think it works a little better. It's up to you.

> muyu' 'avwI'. rInDI' ghIghDaj, jItaHlaH.
> veng botlhDaq lupDujHomwIj vIpuv vIneH,  'a 
> tuchchu' 'avwI'. [??]

maj. A lot of the writing syle is different from what I would have chosen,
but it is all correct. If we didn't have different writing styles, what
would be the point of writing at all?

> *London*Daq, langmo' Hemey naw', mayItnIS pagh 
> lupDujHomHom wIghajnIS pagh raQpo' Dujmey wItIjnIS.

I have no idea what you mean by <naw'> here. . . Looking at your
translation, I see that you meant "access" as an adjective as in "access
streets". I really don't think it can be used this way. Consider <naw'meH
Hemey>, or just leave it off entirely.

> jIbelHa'qu', 'a muQeHmoHbe'.

I think just plain <jIQeHbe'> would be better.

> lupDujHomwIj vIngaQmoH. veng botlhDaq jIjaHmeH, 
> raQpo' Duj vItIj.

> muropmoH leng. vItIv. 'ach Humanpu' puj yIvmoH leng.

bIrop 'e' DatIv'a'? taQ.

This use of <yIv> really donesn't work. To start with, it should be just
plain <yIv>, not <yIvmoH> - the humans are "being chewed", not "being caused
to chew". Second, <yIv> only works in this slang sense when the thing doing
the annoying is a *person*. Just use the normal word for "annoy": <'ach
Humanpu' puj nuQ leng>.

==

* I've included my literal translations, and, in some cases, what they
were recast 'from'. *

My Visit to London.

Yesterday, I visited London.

Humans believe it is a big city, but the First City is bigger than
London.

I'll explain the things I saw.

In order for me to approach the dock, I flew my shuttlecraft.
(recast of: I arrived at the dock in my shuttlecraft.)

The guard interrogated me. As soon as he had completed his task, I was
able to continue.
(recast of: The guard questioned me, then he let me continue.)

I wanted to fly my shuttlecraft in the city center, but the guard
clearly forbade it.

In London, because the access routes are so thin, we must walk or we
must possess a small-shuttle or we must board transport vessels.
(recast of: In London, because the streets are so narrow, we must either
walk, possess a mini-shuttle, or use public transport craft.)

I was most displeased, but it did not cause me to be angry.

I caused my craft to be locked. In order to be in the City Center, I
boarded a transport vessel.
(recast of: I secured my craft, and boarded a transport craft for the
city centre.)

The voyage caused me to be sick.
(recast of: The ride was most uncomfortable. <g>)

I really enjoyed it. 

However the voyage caused the weak humans to be annoyed.
(recast of: However, the weak humans were very irritated about it.)


Good job. Keep it up.

pagh
Beginners' Grammarian

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