RE: KLBC: HIboQ

["Andeen, Eric" <Eric.Andeen@Sequencia.com>]

jatlh loD Doq:

> My question: "What is the proper translation of 'I haven't been in an 
> open shed like this since I was a boy... which at this point seems a 
> good 2,00 years ago.'?"

> If you are unfamiliar with this sentence, it is taken from the play
> Brigadoon, which I was attempting to translate into Klingon. In the
> process, I had to take a lot of liberties just to get to scene five. 
> Here is a little from the scene from which the line was taken:

> <'ay''a' wa', 'ay'Hom wej':>

We've generally used just plain old <'ay'> for "act" and <'ay'Hom> for
"scene". 

> JEFF: qabHa'law'.
> MEG: 'ej bIqabHa'chu'.

I don't have much context for the bit before, but this seems like a
wonderful take where a literal translation would have failed utterly.

> JEFF: qatlh?
> MEG: yoSvam DaparHa'mo'; choQuchchoHmoH.

This would be a perfect place for an aspect suffix: <choQuchchoHmoHpu'>.

> JEFF: bIQuchchoHmoHlu' 'e' QatlhHa''a'?

This doesn't quite work. It looks like you want <'e'> to be the *subject* of
<Qatlh>. The way charghwI' and others often use to express this kind of idea
is:

ngeD bIQuchmeH Qu', qar'a'?

However, in this case I might go for a more significant change and suggest:

pIj bIQuch, qar'a'?

> MEG: HIja'.
> *JEFF: cha'SaD benqoq loDHom 'ej tuqHomDaq vI'elta' 
> (Ed: I'm unsure as to whether a <-Daq> belongs, but 
> that is the least of my worries.).

To start with, you need to break it up into smaller ideas. You don't need to
keep the whole idea as a single sentence - two or more will do much better.

To start with, phrases like "I haven't since ..." are difficult in Klingon.
I wonder if it's even necessary. How's this:

loDHom jIHtaHvIS, qach poSDaq jIQam. qachvam rurqu' qachvetlh. cha'SaD ben
qaSlaw' jajvetlh DaH 'e' vInoH.

> MEG: bIDoy''a'?
> JEFF: HIja', jIDoy' jay'.  jIleSvaD choqemta'. jIlugh'a'?

A bit of the English seems to be missing here, but I think I know what you
mean. <-vaD> is a noun suffix, but I think you meant <-meH>, which works
fine. You might also want to add <qar'a'> to the last sentence and drop the
<jIlugh'a'> - it just depends on what you're going for.

> MEG: ngemDaq vIyItta' 'ej loD Qup DuDoy'choHmoHpu' lengmoH 
> 'e' vIQubbe'pu'.

This part really doesn't work very well. I'd suggest <ngem lengHom> - "minor
forest journey" - for "a walk in the forest", and with that, it gets much
simpler. The only other tough part is "... a young man such as yourself".
For this, I suggest either dropping the "such as yourself" or just adding
another sentence:

loD Qup Doy'moH ngem lengHom 'e' vIpIHbe'.  Or maybe:
loD Qup SoH. DuDoy'moH ngem lengHom 'e' vIpIHbe'.

> JEFF: teHHa' 'e' pagh DaneH: jIqanba' 'ej jIropba' 'ej 
> nom HaghlI'

This is another case of <'e'> abuse, but it doesn't have to be. Instead of
worrying about how to use <teH>, you could instead use <nep>, and maybe add
<chIch> if you want to. For "wishful thinking", I would probably use a
phrase like <vItna' DaHarHa''eghmoHlaw'> - "You apparently cause yourself to
misbelieve the definite truth". Very awkward in English, but just a little
awkward in Klingon.

maj - good use of <-ba'> here. We do have a word for "ancient" - tIQ, but
I'm not sure if it can apply to people. <qan> is definitely safer. Which you
prefer is up to you. For the last bit, I think you meant <nom jIHeghlI'>.
Here's the whole thing:

bInep pagh vItna' DaHarHa''eghmoHlaw': jItIQba' 'ej jIropba' 'ej nom
jIHeghlI'.

> ***The lines continue... (you get the point)

> Here are the actual lines:

> J: It's a very picturesque view of the glen.
> M: Why thank you.
> J: What for?
> M: For likin' where I brought ya'. You've made me very happy.
> J: You get happy very easily don't you?
> M: Ay.
> *J: I haven't been in an open shed like this since I was a boy... 
> which at this point seems a good 2,000 years ago.
> M: You mean you're tired?
> J: 'Ay lassie' I'm tired.
> M: I didn't think that a walk through the woods would fatigue 
> such a young man as yourself.
> J: That is either a deliberate lie, or wishful thinking: I am 
> ancient, decrepid, and disintigrating... rapidly.

> ***And so on... 

> My translation of the line doesn't really work. Please assist me, 
> and correct any other errors that you see, of course. But I don't 
> need to tell _you_ that.        ;-) 

Pretty good. This is fairly advanced stuff to translate, and you did pretty
well with a lot of it.


pagh
Beginners' Grammarian

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