tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Wed Sep 03 19:10:07 1997
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Re: KLBC: HeghvaD nol bom'a' (Requiem)
- From: Qov <[email protected]>
- Subject: Re: KLBC: HeghvaD nol bom'a' (Requiem)
- Date: Wed, 3 Sep 1997 19:09:59 -0700 (PDT)
At 04:00 PM 9/3/97 -0700, Eduardo Fonseca wrote:
>
> I'm trying to translate into klingon, a "Requiem" the
>"Great funebrial song for the dead". Above, only the "Introduction" (yet).
>It's quite difficult to adapt the catholic myths and rituals to an alien
culture,
Sigh. Sooner or later everyone has to try translating. I advise everyone
to wait until they can easily and accurately construct complex sentences of
their own, before they try translating.
>but I think I can do it (with your help, of course).
I'll point at the problems here and let you work on exactly how to solve them.
It *is* a fine verse and worth a few iterations to get right.
>As there is no Jerusalen or Sion, I used their worlds: Qo'noS, and qeylIS.
Good call.
> lIHtaHghach - "Introduction" (on-going introduce)
English tends to use nouns for titles. Klingon is so verb-based that noun
title often look ugly, as this one does. If you find yourself clutching for
a {-ghach} in a stand alone noun, consider recasting and using a verb to
express the same idea.
> joH, ngeHbej roj batlh SuvwI'pu'vaD tInob 'ej
> Lord, give the cosmic peace to the honored warriors and
See section 6.8 in TKD appendix to see where to put an object and an
indirect object. {vaj} might be more appropriate here than {'ej}. I think
"and" here implies that the one follows from the other, and the Klingon
{'ej} is not seen to carry that meaning.
> chaH wovchoH bochtaHghach qul
> the brightly fire will light them
You need a different suffix on wov. Treat "will light them" as "cause them
to be light." Do you have a reason for saying "the fire of the continuing
brightness"
instead of "the bright fire" here? I see no reason and I don't like
{bochtaHghach}.
> Qo'noSDaq naDlIj batlh lubom
> They sing with honor your commendation in Kronos
Watch word order. chuvmey come before the object-verb-subject.
> qeylISDaq cha'nob lunob
> They give you ritual gifts in Kahless
I'm not quite sure what "in Kahless" is supposed to mean in English. if it
means "in Kahless' presence" or "where Kahless is" then this works well. If
it means "in honour of Kahless" then {qeylISvaD} or perhaps {qeylISmo'}
would be better. Think about what it means in English -- or in your case in
the Portuguese -- and translate the meaning of the words and not the words
themselves. Also correct the prefix on {nob}.
> joHwI' yIghoSqangbogh Hoch qa'mey, mu'meywIj yIQoy
> my lord, for whom all spirits is willing to approach, hear my words
Wrong prefixes on both verbs. For each, consider the subject, object and
whether the word itself is a command. An imperative prefix is not
appropriate on a verb with a type-9 suffix.
> "Kyrie"
> Does we have a word for: Forgive (v) in sense of: "forgive us"
I think the closest you can get is {Qaghmeymaj tIlIj}, or in this context
{mayempu' 'e' yIlIj}
batlh bIvum, *Edy*. Hol Daghojba'lI' 'ej pab Dalo'choHlaH. ghItlhlIj
DamuchtaHmo' 'ej bIQaghqangtaHmo' bIDub. tugh DaQubtaHvIS tlhIngan DaDa.
Qov ([email protected])
Beginners' Grammarian