tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Thu Jun 26 21:15:41 1997

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RE: KLBC story: ram HoH

Warning!  This story is a bit advanced.  Take your time.  Realize that Qov is 
not being literal.  Rather, it's a very poetic rendering.

jatlh Qov:

> ram HoH

Now, do you mean "He kills at night," or "He kills the night?"  After reading 
the story, it looks like you mean "They kill at night."  I suppose you're 
taking advantage of the extreme vagueness of this phrase to use it as a title 
without giving anything away.

> raQDaq matay'taHvIS maQot. Hotchuq porghmeymaj. tam 
> ram. tuj. tlheDpa' Hoch tup, yev 'ej loS. jotlaw' ghewmey je.  qut 
> HurghDaq HuS poHHom naQ.

Metaphor or no, I'm not sure I understand this.  "A whole moment hangs in a 
dark crystal."

> reH taHtaH 'ach not tlhetlh, not choH. poH 
> vIqawchu'.  poHwIj Quch Qav vIchoqnIS.

I've had trouble accepting multiple verbs used as adjectives, since we've 
never seen them in canon.  It makes perfect sense, of course, but I'd like to 
see them used before doing this.  Rather, we can use relative clauses, 
combined with adjectival verbs:

Quchbogh poHwIj Qav vIchoqnIS.
I must preserve my final, happy time.

(Actually, I rather liked your use of {poHHom} earlier.)

> bangwI' vIchoqlaHbe'pu'. raQ Hubmey ngerDI' HIvwI'pu'

{nger} is the noun "theory," not a verb.  Which verb did you mean?

> pay' Dat 
> SuvwI'pu' qIj.

There no verb in this sentence.  (Well, there is one, but it's acting 
adjectivally, so it doesn't count.)  {pay' Dat SuvwI'pu' qIj tu'lu'}.

>  vajpu' maHbe'.  ghojmoHmeH maleng. maSuvrupbe'.  
> QongDaqDaq HochHom luHoH. latlhpu' Haw' 'e' lunIDtaHvIS HoH.

This is confusing.  I think you may have goofed a bit on the sentence order.  
If you had said

Haw' latlhpu' 'e' lunIDtaHvIS HoH
While the others tried to flee, they killed them,

then I'd understand it.

> wa' QongDaqHomDaq cha' nuv tu' 'e' lupIHbe'mo' bangwI' luHoHDI' 
> mej.

"Because they did not expect to find two people on one mat, when they killed 
my love they left."  Did I understand that right?  I seem to be missing the 
context necessary to fully understand.  Or do you mean that the thought there 
was only one person on such a small mat, killed whomever was visible, and 
didn't know that you were there too, thus leaving you alive?

> wanI' 'angpa' jajlo' jIvIHvIp. vIleghlaHDI' jIratlhvIp. puS 
> yInbogh Duypu' 'ej rIQqu' HochHom.  lommey vImeQmoH jIH 'ej yInwI'pu' 
> vIQorgh. bangwI' lom vImeQmoH 'ach reH tIqwIjDaq vIQorgh.
> 
> SKI: I know you're all going to whine about my metaphors, but 
> plplpltt!  I happen to believe that a language that can support 
> travelling the river of blood can handle a few crystalline moments.

I happen to believe this, too.  Yes, I do.  However, the problem usually comes 
in when someone who is trying to learn the language tries to copy an English 
metaphor into Klingon.  Often, they're not even aware of the metaphor.

If you know Klingon supports a particular metaphor, use it.  If you're not 
sure, but you think it sounds good, try to determine if others are going to 
understand it.  The thing about metaphors is that the listener has to realize 
that you ARE using a metaphor.

> PS: Silly beginners for actually ENCOURAGING me to write stories.

Why?  They're good, though this one might have been a bit too tough for KLBC.  
But it was a good read!

-- 
SuStel
Beginners' Grammarian
Stardate 97486.6

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