tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Wed Sep 11 08:30:19 1996
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Re: translation check
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>Date: Tue, 10 Sep 1996 14:30:58 -0700
>From: "Donald E. Vick" <[email protected]>
This is neither marked KLBC nor by a newcomer, trI'Qal. You're welcome to
chime in, but I don't think I'm stepping on your authority by answering
(not that I generally let that stop me anyway).
>*MUSH* pa'wIJ vIDelDI' tlhIngan Hol vIlo' vIneH
>jImughboghghachwIj penuDneS
Oof. You shouldn't put a prefix and -ghach on the same word (especially
when you put a possessive on afterwards); Okrand said that isn't done.
Moreover, -bogh and -ghach are both type-9 suffixes and can't co-exist on
the same verb. It sounds like you're trying two different ways to say
"translation" (Doch vImughbogh and ?mughghach) and combining them. You
might also try using a sentence-as-object construction.
pe- is the prefix for no-object; if we're to examine *something* (the
translations), use yI- or tI-, depending on if you're viewing translation
as singular or plural.
>This is the abode of a warrior, but also of a scholar.
>SuvwI' juH oH pa'vam'e', 'ach SovwI' juH je 'oH'e'
Missed a ' on 'oH. The second sentence works better as "'ach SovwI' juH'e'
'oH je." The emphasis belongs on the "SovwI' juH" anyway, and "je" as
"also" comes after the verb, not the noun.
>Shelves laden with books cover every wall.
>Hoch pa'DopDaq paqmey law' qengbogh beQwI' tu'lu'
Did you write this in English and translate? You might do better writing
in Klingon first; that way you won't be pressured to mirror a possibly
infelicitous Englishism.
When possible (I'm *this* close to saying "always"), don't *translate* into
Klingon. WRITE in Klingon. If the thing exists in English already that's
harder, but try to re-write the text *from scratch* in Klingon.
BTW, I wrote the previous two sentences before I read the Klingon; it's not
a comment on your Klingon (yet). Just that the English seemed polished.
Maybe "pa' DopDaq" (on every side of the room); why force yourself to talk
about walls? I suppose you could do something with Som, but then people
will point out that a hull is only the external wall of a vessel.
You could always rewrite and simply say that *books* are all over the room
(what do you really gain by talking about shelves?). Or even get a little
metaphoric with "paqmey law' qenglaw' Hoch pa' Dop." (every wall carries
many books). Only trouble is that "qeng" is probably the wrong verb, since
it seems to imply "carry" in the sense of "bring" (it's glossed as "carry,
convey" and canon has something about "'uQ vIqeng"/I will bring dinner.)
>You see "The Prince," "The Art of War," and "The Book of Five Rings."
><che'wI'>, <veS QeD>, <vagh Qebmey paq> je Dalegh
OK.
>On the wall opposite the entry, a betleH hangs over another door.
>'elmeHghach Hopbogh pa'DopDaq, latlh lojmIt DungDaq HuS betleH
Both -meH and -ghach are type-9 verbs, you can't use them both at the same
time. Don't fixate on making it look like English. You can say "main
door" or even "entry door" ('elmeH lojmIt). It still is a little stilted.
~mark
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