tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Fri Dec 20 10:57:09 1996

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RE: KLBC: story, part 7



December 18, 1996 9:16 PM, jatlh Deborah Kay:

> {pong: malIq}
> 
> HIpmey nuDqa' mangHom la'.
> Qu'vam ta'DI', mangHompu' chu'vaD SoQ nI'Ha' nob.

Because we're not sure if you can use {-Ha'} on a verb used adjectivally, 
you'd be safer to say {SoQ nI'be'}.

> "nap Qu'raj.  peHaD.  peghoj.  mochpu'ra' tIlobqu'.  tIyu'Qo'.  tIqaDQo'.  
> tImupQo'.  chutmeyvam bobIvchugh, rebIj.  'ach moch bomupchugh, rebIjbe'bej. 
 
> juHDaq rengeHqu'.  DIbmey boghajbe'chu'.  DIS cha'DIch SutaghDI', DIbmey 
> bobajlaH.  toDujna' boghajchugh, vaj Sulujbe'.  DaH tagh muvtay."
> latlhpu' jojDaq qetnIS mangHompu' chu'.
> mangHompu' chu' qIpmeH naQmey lo'.
> ghojmeH tajmey 'uch mangHompu' puS.
> 'oy HeghmoH HevlaHlu'mo', tajmey lujunnISlu'.

I think there's something missing here.

HoHlaHbogh 'oy' SuqlaHlu'mo', tajmey lujunnISlu'taH.

> rInbe' wa' loDHom 'ej yej yotlhvo' qenglu'.

{rIn} is "be finished," not "finish."  I think this would be better as

QaplaHbe' wa' loDHom 'ej yej yotlhvo' qenglu'.

> jajvetlh juHDaq chegh.
> muvtay rIn cha' be'nI' 'ej Qub pe'lora, "wanI'meyvam mughuHmoHbe' vav."

rInDI' muvtay, Qub pe'lora . . .

You've got a non-matching prefix and object.  It might be all right, but I 
prefer

wanI'meyvam vIta'laHmeH mughuHmoHbe' vav.

> Dochmeyvam Qubbogh pe'lora Sov velqa.
> tungHa'meH, ghaHvaD mon velqa. jatlh 'e' chaw'lu'.

jatlh net chaw'be'.

> 'ach jotHa'choH je velqa Qubmo', "bIjwI' 'oH nuq'e'?"
> Do' DuHHa' bIjDaj qelbogh QubtaHghach.
> DaH malIq lutoy'bogh luqIH.
> malIqvaD jatlhpu' la''a', "luj be'nI'pu' vIneHqu'."  yajchu'pu' malIq.
> 'ong naSbogh je malIq.

'ong malIq 'ej naS.

> be'nI'pu' bechmoHbej.
> "Qa'Hommey, HItlhej," chaH ra' malIq.
> DuSaQdaq HaDtaHvIS malIq pa'Daj Say'moH chaH.
> cheghDI', paDaj nuD 'ej Say'qu' ghIHHa'chu'bogh pa'.
> rInchu'ta'mo' Qu', belHa'.  majQa' jatlhnIS, 'ach pe'vIl be'Hompu'  qIptaH 
> jachtaHvIs, "buDwI'mey, yIruchqa', yIruchqa'!"

I feel quite certain that you're using {-mey} on {buDwI'} intentionally.  
However, may I suggest that malIq would also use clipped Klingon; rather like 
talking to pets.

buDwI'mey, ruchqa'!  ruchqa'!

> ra'bogh Dochmey pab velqa pe'lora je.  
> DuSaQ ghoS be'nI'pu' chaw'DI' malIq.
> pawDI' ram pa'chajDaq benI'pu' lura'lu'.

Get rid of the {pawDI'}.  It's not necessary with a time reference.  Also, I 
don't think you can say {pa'chajDaq be'nI'pu' lura'lu'} to mean this.  It 
sounds like "The sisters are commanded in their room."  Better go for the full 
sentence.

ram be'nI'pu' lura'lu', "pa'rajDaq yIjaH!"

> ngaQ lojmIt.
> ja'chuq be'nI'pu'.  jatlh velqa, "maluj luneH la''a' malIq je.
> jImulbej 'ej jIbupbe'bej."
> jatlh pe'lora, "bIlugh, 'ach maQaHchuqnIS."
> "pItlh!"

It sounded to me like Velka was telling her sister that the conversation was 
over, until I read the English translation.  I think {pItlh} is the wrong 
choice here.  Maybe just {jIQochbe'}.

> Quick questions that pertain to a later part.  How can I say {She could not 
> look him in the eye}?  I know ways around this like {mInDu'Daj pepHa'} or 
{yav 
> buS mInDu'Daj}, but those aren't exactly right.  Also, is {bej} the correct 
> verb to use giving the command {look at me}?

I'd say {HIbej} would mean "Watch me as I do such-and-such."  {HIlegh} is 
probably okay for what you mean.  Or how about {HIbuS!}

mInDaj buSlaHbe'.
She could not look him in the eye.
Literally, "She could not focus (concentrate) on his eye."

-- 
SuStel
Beginners' Grammarian
Stardate 96971.2


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