tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Wed Oct 12 05:36:38 1994

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Re: tachDaq 'el wa' tlhIngan



According to Terry Donnelly:
> 
> 
> 
> Please critique this offering:

This is a very funny story well told. I have few suggestions.

> tachDaq 'el wa' tlhIngan 'ej ba' ghaH.
> mo' machqu'vo' ghew vetlh chuS'ughHom je lel 'ej ravDaq bIH roQ.
> chuS'ughHom woH vetlh 'ej QoQ lIngchoH.
> bomchoH ghew.
> mInDu' tInqu' ghajchoH chom.
> "Dunqu' wanI'," jatlh. "not wej vIlegh."

You explain later that {not wej} is supposed to mean "never
before", but to me, they cancel each other somewhat and combine
awkwardly. "Never not yet". I'd tend to say {not wanI'vam
rurbogh wanI''e' vIleghpu'.}

> "toh yISeychu'Qo'," chomvaD jang latlh.

{-qu'} probably does a better job than {-chu'} here, since the
latter implies clarity or perfection, which would suggest the
perfect degree of excitement, while {-qu'} simply means that
the excitement is intense. It has been used to convey either
the English "very" or "too" in canon. "Don't get too excited,"
and "Don't get very excited," are not all that semantically
different, after all.

> "wanI' cha'ghach Dun law', wanI' vIt Dun puS.

cha'ghach? Okay. "show" as a noun; appearance. Yes, this is a
thorny one. While I'm not keen on this, I don't have an
immediate replacement. Maybe:

wanI' Daleghlaw'bogh Dun law', vIt Dun puS.

DaparHa''a'?

> SoHvaD jInepbe'.
> QIchHotlhwI' 'oH vetlh'e'."

{QIchHotlhwI'} doesn't make it if you illegally combine
{QIchHotlh} before adding {-wI'}, but I guess it is fine to
combine {QIch} and {HotlhwI'}, so this works, especially if you
offer it as a translation BEFORE you tell the story.

> NOTES:
> 
> {not wej}  The sense I was trying for was "never before"
> {Seychu'} I was trying for the sense "too excited"
> {QIchHotlhwI'} = ventriloquist (lit. voice-project-er)
> 
> 
> 
> ===============================================
> : Terry Donnelly       : bIvangtaHvIS         :
> : Maplewood Pub. Lib.  : yIyoHvIpQo' 'ej      :
> : 7601 Manchester Ave. : yIDoHQo' -           :
> : St. Louis, MO 63143  : Hoch yIn 'oH ngong'e':
> : (314) 781-2174       :     R. W. Emerson    :
> ===============================================
> 
> 

majQa'!

charghwI'



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