tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sun Mar 20 23:44:30 1994

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qaD vIjang: leng'a'

Man oh man, what a story.  Mostly it's good to see original text in
Klingon.  Translations are fun, so far as they go, but they'll always be
second-class compared with original literature.

I think I have one or two comments, and comments on Nick's comments will go
in a separate message.

>From: Captain Krankor <[email protected]>
>Date: Thu, 17 Mar 94 19:36:46 -0700

>wa'maH wa'Hey ben qaSpu' lutvam.  

Can you put "-Hey" on the number?  Numbers can act as nouns, but that's not
how you're treating them here.  Maybe it should be "wa'maH wa' benHey".
But I'm not sure.  Also not sure about the "-pu'".  I'm not going to
complain quibbling details of vocabulary too much here, I hope.

>DI"sacrifice"-- "paper towel" rur bIH chIch net jech.  rInDI'

I don't really follow the "p.t. rur bIH chIch net jech" I'm afraid.  Must
stare at it longer.

>DIghomnISbej.  (jaj chu' luqem lo'taHvIS "truck"mey-- ghaytan
Is this a word-order problem?  Do you mean "they bring the new day [while]
using trucks"?  That'd be {"truck"mey lo'taHvIS}, wouldn't it?  Or did I

>HeDaq TPWBTND DIloStaH Rob jIH je, 'ach pa'wIjDaq QongchoHta' Nancy

"QongchoHta'"?  On purpose?  If you say so.

>"priest"pu' DIrI' 'ej QaQ Hoch 'ej rInchoH tay'a'.

And the rite became finished.  Beautiful.

>DaH pona' 'oH,

I think I have to agree with Nick that I don't like the existential "'oH"s
like this.  Maybe you could argue that you're really referring to the
morning; I dunno.

>je ghaH-- 'ej chabHom ghomey ("donuts") SuqmeH nutlhej.  vaj Soch

chabHom ghomey.  Hmmm.... Say, not bad.  At least as good as Nick's old
coining of "Qebchabmey".  "circles of cake"... yeah.

>rep Sunday po'Daq Dunkin DonutsDaq malengchoHta'.

Yeah, you can't apply the "Sunday poDaq" to the noun of "Soch rep"; you
really have to use daisy-chained possessive constructions.

>'ej matlhutlh 'ej matIvchuq 'ej QaQ Hoch.  nIQHomvam wIrInmoHpu'DI',

I love the "matIvchuq".  It really is a good expression of how friends have
fun.  It';s also notably something that would not be said as such in
English, not without raising eyebrows and corny jokes.  Therefore, I'm glad
you used it in Klingon, reminding us that Klingon's not subject to our
English-centered biases.

>DujwIj wItIjqa', 'ach DuSaQDaq machegh neH pagh.  'IHqu' po vaj
>maleng wIneH 'e' wIwuq.  vaj Dochmey DIleghlaHbogh DIleghmeH majaH.

The bear went over the mountain.... to se what he could see.  Cool.

>Dajbogh Daq chu' DItu', vaj malengtaH.  HuD jenDaq matu'egh 'ej

matu''egh?  Yeah, that works for me, though it sounds a little poetic
(which fits nicely for finding yourselves on a lofty mountain).  "wItu'lu'"
would also be a way to say this, wouldn't it?  It just takes some getting
used to, the way the prefixes get reversed.

>wItIvqu'.  "pov!" wIQub vaj malengtaH.

Should this be {"pov" 'e' wIQub}?  Does this count as a verb of saying?  Or
do quotes work differently?

>North AdamsDaq lengna' nI' law' lengHey wIpIHpu'bogh nI' puS.  'ach

Brilliant.  The distinction between "-na'" and "-Hey"...

>toH, North AdamsDaq mapaw, 'ach Lippy mI' Sov pagh.  'ach qay'be'
>wIQub, rI'Se' paq wISuqlaH.  "Lipinski" 'ar ngaSlaH?

again, qay'be' 'e' wIQub?  Or not?

>qarbej, wej "Lipinski" ngaS North AdamsvaD rI'Se' paq.  wIHarlaHbe'.
>DaH nuq?  mawuqlI'vIS [Yeah, yeah, I know], ghung vay' vaj Burger

Maybe "DaH nuq wIta'nIS"?  A verb would be nice.  Something in me wants to
see "ghungchoH" for some reason.  No comment on "*-lI'vIS". Nick's probably
right about "N.A.vaD" being the wrong thing; besides, I don't see what the
"-vaD" really buys you meaningwise.

>maghoS-- vaj poSDaq 'oH'ba' juH.  'ach "cow"mey wIleghpu' 'ej 'IHtaH

Tut tut.  "DIleghpu'".

>pa' chaHtaH pagh'e'.

"chaH".... interesting.  It obviously makes sense, it just seemed weird at
first reading.  Cool, though.

>DaH pov paSqu' 'ej Brandeis cheghmeH mejta' Lippy.

No verb in thr first clause, or else word-order problem.  Maybe "DaH
paSqu'mo' pov" or something?  Erg, but how can an afternoon be late?  I
mean, adjectivally it makes sense, but not verbally.  Maybe.

>chImbej Connecticut yoS maHbogh; pa' pagh tu'lu'.  'ach maghoStaH

Yeah, "yoS maHbogh" sounds like you were the country.  This is sort of the
ship-in-which-I-fled problem: the-country-in-which-we-were.  Maybe

>'ej He mI'mey DIlo' chIjmeH 'e' wInID.  'ej machIllaw'taHvIS tlhIch

Maybe "Hemaj wIchIl" for "to be lost"; I don't think I buy "machIl" for to
get lost.  Heh, I remember when I tried the reflexive of "to lose" in
Hebrew to mean "I get lost"... turns out it means "to commit suicide".
Erg, "lose one's way" is also an idiom.  "Daq Sovbe'" is the Okrandian

>jaHmeH wa'maH cha' rep!  Nancy juHDaq mapawDI' mejlI', vaj

Yeah, you need a construction like "12 rep poQ D.D. lengmaj" or something.
There's no verb, otherwise.

Great story, though, Krankor!  I didn't say all the nice things I could
have; I wanted to keep this mesage short.


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