tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Mon Apr 05 03:53:43 2004
[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next]
KLBC - poem (kind of)
- From: "Raik Lorenz" <[email protected]>
- Subject: KLBC - poem (kind of)
- Date: Mon, 5 Apr 2004 12:52:55 +0200 (MEST)
Hi!
I'd like to have some feedback to some - well, kind of - poem I wrote some
days ago. Neither is it demanding in a literary sence nor originally written
in >>tlhIngan Hol<< (I'm just not so far, yet.)
I wrote it in German first, then took try in translating it into >>tlh.H.<<
and the version very below is kind of a mixture between >>tlh.H.<< into
English and German into English. I'd just like to know whether the concepts carry
the meaning I supposed to express. OK? Here we go:
---
juHHov
>Leipzig<Daq taghpu'lengwij.
>Klingenthal<Daq vIleng.
bochtaH juHHov.
juSbogh qachmey vIlegh'e' jIH tIqtaHvISbogh DujDaq jIleng.
jojbogh tIDaqtayHommey rur tammoHpuHmey.
jIHwIjDaq yot Sormey.
peghbogh Hemeychaj bo'Deghmey'e' peghbogh DoSmey SichmeH.
tIn moH je' law'bogh qachmey.
'ach bochtaHneS juHHov.
---
So far so good/bad ;-)
I'd like you to look through it before reading the translation below and
tell me whether the meaning conveys itself, then maybe compare.
- - -
Homestar
Leipzig's where my voyage started.
To Kligenthal is where I travel.
The Sun is shining.
I see houses passing by while I'm travelling by train.
Gardens between them resemble Lands of silence.
Trees invade my range of vision.
Birds are following their routes unknown to reach unknown targets.
Many buildings are big and ugly.
But my Sun is shining.
- - -
OK then, for anyone occupying themselves with Literature sometime, this
must've been a "tour de force" *g*
But the English content or prosody was not what I was out on, moreover it
was a way of testing my translation skills on an easy subject matter.
Some comments on words I'd like you maybe to comment on:
tIDaqtayHommey - Gardens: Actually, what's a garden anyway? It's a small,
cultivated place for vegetation, qar'a'? I'm positive that this is no canon
word! }}:-)
juHHov - Homestar: That's actually the meaning of sun, qar'a'? I just didn't
repeat it in the poem in order not to be repititive...
Leipzig + Klingenthal: I know the rules for proper names. One fact about
Klingenthal (my hometown): It was at least once referred to as "Kligon Valley"
in a kind of semitranslational attempt. I was not responsible but the IAYC
(International Astronomy Youth Camp).
tIqbogh Duj - train: What is a train if not a vehicle that is long? I know,
I know. It's just NOT CANON. *g*
so, that's that for now. thanks for having a critical look at it,
Qapla', qIno'rIq
--
+++ NEU bei GMX und erstmalig in Deutschland: TÜV-geprüfter Virenschutz +++
100% Virenerkennung nach Wildlist. Infos: http://www.gmx.net/virenschutz