tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Tue Apr 06 14:12:18 2004

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Re: KLBC - poem (kind of)

Scott Willis ([email protected]) [KLI Member] [Hol po'wI']

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Raik Lorenz" <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, April 05, 2004 6:52 AM
Subject: KLBC - poem (kind of)

>Leipzig<Daq taghpu'lengwij.
> Leipzig's where my voyage started.

{Leipzig-Daq taghpu' lengwIj} "My trip has begun at Leipzig"
Watch your capitalization and spacing, but otherwise good.

> >Klingenthal<Daq vIleng.
> bochtaH juHHov.
> To Kligenthal is where I travel.
> The Sun is shining.

"I travel to Klingenthal.
The homestar is continuously shining."
Be careful with compound nouns. As a rule, we don't make them up. It really
should be {juH Hov}, not {juHHov}. Also keep in mind that we do not have a
word for "sun" (yet). If you wish to use {juH Hov} as a phrase to convey the
idea of "sun", go ahead, but it might be misunderstood.

> juSbogh qachmey vIlegh'e' jIH tIqtaHvISbogh DujDaq jIleng.
> I see houses passing by while I'm travelling by train.

Couple of problems here. {-'e'} is not a verb suffix, and as such cannot go
on the word {vIlegh} (a verb}. I would drop it altogether.

In the word {tIqtaHvISbogh}, you have two type nine suffixes on the verb
({-vIS} and {-bogh}), which is illegal in Klingon.

If you want to say "Long ship", simply put {tIq} *after* {Duj}, so it will
act as an adjective:

{Duj tIq} "Long ship"

And since you want to say "On the long ship", you need {-Daq}, a type five
noun suffix. Whenever a verb like {tIq} is used to modify a noun, any type
five noun suffixes that would go on the noun get moved to the verb. (That's
just the rules we go by.)

{Duj tIqDaq} "On the long ship"

Now, since "You see buildings which overtake" *while* you are traveling, use
{-taHvIS} on {jIleng}:

{jIlengtaHvIS} "While I travel"

All together:
{juSbogh qachmey vIlegh jIH, Duj tIqDaq jIlengtaHvIS}
"I see buildings which overtake while I am traveling on the long ship."

> jojbogh tIDaqtayHommey rur tammoHpuHmey.
> Gardens between them resemble Lands of silence.

More noun-verb confusion. {joj} is a noun, meaning "area between", and so
cannot take {-bogh}, a verb suffix.
I would suggest a recast to "In between them,..." {bIH jojDaq} "At their
area/s between".
I'm not sure I like {tI Daq tayHommey} "Small ceremonies of the vegetation
place".
Might I suggest {Du'Hom} "Small farm"?
And for "Lands of silence", how about "quiet lands" {puHmey tam} or "calm
lands" {puHmey jot}?
{tammoH} is a verb, and it looks like you've written two separate sentences,
where the English only has one, and says nothing of lands silencing
something.
So putting it all together,

{bIH jojDaq, puHmey tam rur Du'Hommey}
"In between them, small farms resemble quiet lands."

> jIHwIjDaq yot Sormey.
> Trees invade my range of vision.

"Trees invade at my monitor." Is this what you were going for?

> peghbogh Hemeychaj bo'Deghmey'e' peghbogh DoSmey SichmeH.
> Birds are following their routes unknown to reach unknown targets.

OK, just as a style thing, I would recommend dropping the {-bogh} from the
{pegh}'s. They seem to get in the way.
We know that {pegh} can be used in the same way as {tam} or {jot} (see
above), so let's do that.:
{Hemeychaj pegh} "Their secret routes"
{DoSmey pegh} "Secret targets"

And you're missing a verb to indicate that the birds are going along a their
secret paths. I believe {ghoS} fits nicely here.

And finally, I'm not entirely comfortable with {SIch} being used to mean "to
reach a destination", but it is your poem, and I can't think of any canon
examples to tell you this is wrong. So use it with my blessing, but know it
may not be correct. (Any examples, anyone?)

So all together:
{Hemeychaj pegh ghoS bo'Deghmey, DoSmey pegh SIchmeH}
"Birds go along their secret routes to reach secret targets."

> tIn moH je' law'bogh qachmey.
> Many buildings are big and ugly.

Use {'ej}, not {je}, to separate verbs:
{tIn 'ej moH qachmey law'} "Many buildings are big and ugly"
And, the {-mey} on {qachmey} here is highly redundant, because of the
presence of {law'}, which seems to imply plurality. The way you have it is
still correct, but if you want to shave syllables, I would start here.

> 'ach bochtaHneS juHHov.
> But my Sun is shining.

The English calls for "My sun", and the Klingon says only "Sun" (sort of).
Slap {-wIj} onto the {Hov} part if you want to get this idea across in
translation.
The only other problem I have here is the use of {-neS}. This is used only
to show deep respect to the person you're addressing. (It's the type of
thing you would say to a powerful political figure at a state dinner.) If
that is your intention, keep it. If not, drop it.

Your poem:
{juH Hov

Leipzig-Daq taghpu' lengwIj.
Klingenthal-Daq vIleng.
bochtaH juH Hov.
juSbogh qachmey vIlegh jIH, Duj tIqDaq jIlengtaHvIS.
bIH jojDaq, puHmey tam rur Du'Hommey.
jIHwIjDaq yot Sormey.
Hemeychaj pegh ghoS bo'Deghmey, DoSmey pegh SIchmeH.
tIn 'ej moH qachmey law'
'ach bochtaH juH HovwIj. }

{wabmey DaDelbe'law', 'ej mu'meylIj vIlaDDI', *yabwIj teS*Daq pagh wab
vIQoy. ngoDvam vItIvbej. jIHvaD pIm. muchlIj vItIv. majQa'!}

--ngabwI'
Beginners' Grammarian,
Klingon Language Institute
http://kli.org/
HovpoH 701382.0

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