tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Tue Jun 27 21:53:19 1995
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Re: Critiques, please...
On Sun, 25 Jun 1995 [email protected] wrote:
> Here's an old log I wrote for my Star Trek sim. I didn't go through it and
> double check it, but my Captain was impressed with it when she got it..
> (Don't mind Barrow's accent .. I get a kick out of writing that way.) The
> translation from English to Klingon isn't word-for-word, but I did the best
> I could to maintain the general gist of things from one to the other.
> Kindly look it over and tell me what you think, yes? :)
>
> ----------------------------FKA302.LOG---------------------------------------
>
>
> Computer, begin recording.
>
> Helm Officer's Log: Stardate 9503.01
> Federation Standard version.
> Lieutenant Sarah Barrows Recording.
>
> Well, the only thing interestin' that 'appened today was that
> Commodore Kragg Zarr came ta visit. Seemed ta me that he and the
> "tour guides", KiploH, Glock, and Glow, spent an awful lot 'o time
> down in Engineerin', when they coulda been checkin' out the Bridge,
> where I was at (as usual). But they eventually made their way up ..
> boy, the Commodore was mighty impressive! Found out I need ta brush
> up on Klingon society 'an whatnot ... 'an get me bloody ranks straight!
> Lucky 'e didn't slice me in two fer bunglin' 'is rank ... who'd expect
> ta call a Klingon Commodore a Cap'n and live ta tell about it?!
> The Commodore said 'e'd send me some info on current Klingon
> stuff, 'an I snatched it outta the mail queue soon as I saw it. Guess
> I got a lot 'o readin' ta do...
> Guess tha's all what needs ta be told fer now ... Computer, end log.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> yIqontaH De'wI'.
>
> QonoS DeghwI'wIj: Hutvagh paghwa' jaj
You have the first two words transposed. Also, since "helmsman" is a
being capable of using language, you would use {-wI'} instead of {-wIj}:
{DeghwI'wI' QonoS} (My helmsman's log). I would also express this date as
jaj HutSaD vaghvatlh wej DoD pagh wa' (Day No. 9503 mark 01)
> Sar tlhIngan Hol.
Here again I would switch the word order: {tlhIngan Hol Sar} (Klingon
language variety)
> qontaH Sarah Barrows Sogh.
We don't really know whether ranks would come before or after the name.
Many people on the List commonly put their rank before their name but
since we have no canon on this, it simply a matter of personal preference.
> DaHjaj qaS wa' DochDaj; nuSuch totlh Kragg Zarr.
Be sure to separate the two words {Doch} & {Daj}; {DochDaj} means "his
thing".
> jonta'pa'Daq poHnI' ratlhpu' ghomDaj jIQubpu'.
Be sure to separate {poH} & {nI'}, they are two words. I would probably
insert {qaStaHvIS} in front of them. The perfective {-pu'} is probably
unneccessary here. This is two sentences which would use a
sentence-as-object construction. I would say something like:
qaStaHvIS poH nI' jonta'pa'Daq ralth ghomDaj 'e' vIQub.
> meH SuchtaH lumImpu' KiploH je Glock je Glow.
The conjunction {je} always follows the final noun. This would also be a
sentence-as-object, so you would want to add {'e'}. Also note that in
sentence-as-object constructions, only the first verb can have a Type 7
aspect suffix. In this case, I would probably omit them:
meH luSuch 'e' lumIm Kiploh Glock Glow je.
(Kiploh, Glock and Glow delayed to visit the bridge.)
> totlh vIlegh pawDI' 'ej Dojqu' jIQubpu'.
The second part need
{-pu'} does not indicate past tense, it indicates the action is completed.
{jIQubpu'} means "I had thought" and would imply that you no longer think
that. Again, this needs to be a sentence-as-object: Dojqu' 'e' vIQub.
Some grammarians regard the use of {Qub} to express an opinion as an
anglicism and prefer to use {Har} instead: Dojqu' 'e' vIHar.
> jIghojnIS nugh tlhIngan vItu'pu'.
"I need to learn; I have found society's Klingon." Here we need to fix
the word order, and make another sentence-as-object construction.
As a matter of personal preference, I would use {HaD} instead of {ghoj}:
tlhIngan nugh vIHaDnIS 'e' vItu'pu'. (I have found that I need to study
Klingon society.)
> bong Sa' vIpongpu' 'ej Qay'pu'be' jIDo'pu'.
{pong} is a weird verb because it apparently needs two objects. Okrand
has not explained exactly how to do this yet.
For the second part I would say either:
{Qay'be'pu'mo' jIDo'.} (Because he has not blown his top, I am lucky.) or
{Do' Qay'be'pu'.} (Luckily, he has not blown his top.)
> De' nugh tlhIngan mungeH lay'pu' 'ej vIleghpu'DI' vISuqpu'.
Watch the word order on your noun-noun constructions. We also need to
drop some unneccessary aspect markers:
tlhIngan nugh De' mungeH 'e' lay' 'ej vIleghpu'DI' vISuq.
> DaH De''a' vIlaD vIghaj.
I would say {De' law'} instead of {De''a'}. {ghaj} means to possess
something; here you would use {-nIS} instead.
DaH De' law' vIlaDnIS.
> ja'nISlu' Hoch vIja'ta'... qontaH yImev.
I would make a relative clause out of this:
De' Hoch vIja'nISbogh vIja'ta'. (I have told all of the information which I
need to tell.)
bIqon 'e' yImev. (Stop recording.)
Not bad but there are three areas you need to study:
1. The word order of noun-noun constructions (Sec. 3.4.)
To say "X's Y" or "the Y of X" in Klingon, you say {X Y}.
E.g. {tlhIngan nugh} (the society of the Klingons) or (the Klingons' society)
2. The use of Type 7 verb suffixes (Sec. 4.2.7.)
Aspect is not the same thing as tense.
{-pu'} indicates that the action is completed.
{-taH} indicate an action which is ongoing or continuous.
These can refer to actions which take place in the past, the present, or
the future, as determined by context.
If an action is neither completed or continuous, you simply don't use any
aspect suffix.
3. The sentence-as-object construction (Sec. 6.2.5.)
It is a common construction when the sentence has two verbs:
lutlIj vIlaD 'e' vItIv. (I enjoyed reading your story.)
'ach 'ay'vetlh DaHaDnIS 'e' vIHar. (But, I believe you need to study that
section.)
Daghoj 'e' vItul potlh 'oHmo'. (I hope you learn it because it is
important.)
yoDtargh