tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Thu Nov 15 03:58:07 2007

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RE: translation

Agnieszka Solska ([email protected]) [KLI Member] [Hol po'wI']

> >Due to bad management by its current inhabitants.
> >=================================================
>>[...]
> >     Because the present inhabitants have mismanaged it...
> >     luvu'Ha'mo' nganpu' SaH...

I believe that the adjective "current" means "present" in the sense of 
"existig now" and is used to distinguish whatever is being talked about 
(things, people, institutions, etc.) from other things (people, 
institutions, etc.) they have replaced or that they will replace in the 
future. My suggestion for this fragment would be:

   (yuQvam) luvu'Ha'mo' DaH luDabbogh nganpu' ...
   [Because the inhabitants who now inhabit this planet mismanage it...]


> > The Klingon Empire claim the right to take this planet for > the benefit 
>of the greater universe.
>>============================================================
>>[...]
>You want the quality {naQ} "be whole, be entire" here:
>
>      'u' naQvaD yuQvam DoQ tlhIngan wo'.
>      The Klingon empire claims this planet for (the benefit of) the
>      whole/entire universe.

It has been often pointed out that the sense of {naQ} includes such 
qualities as "be full,
be comlete." Based on this, {'u' naQ} would mean something 1ike "unbroken 
universe"
rather than "all of the universe," which seems to be the meaning we are 
trying to get across.
I would personally go for {'u' Hoch}.


> >This rock is an official legally binding claim marker.
> >======================================================
> > [...]
>Speaking of which, "marker" is tricky.  I like {DoQmeH ghItlh} for an
>actual document or proclamation (e.g. a poster).  Since this is for a
>sculpture, why not just say {Hew} "statue"?  Or how about {potlh}
>"consequential thing, something important"?
>
>    potlh mub 'oH naghvam'e'.
>
>This may be less awkward sounding in Klingon.  A {potlh De'} is a "priority 
>message":
>
>    HoD, yo' SeHyaH nIvvo' potlh De' wIHevtaH
>    Captain, we are receiving a priority message from [Fleet]    Operations 
>Command. (ST5 notes)

I agree that translating "marker" is tricky. Another bit of potentially 
useful canon I was able to find
is the text on Skybox card 99:

   Paramount Pictures malja' permey bIH Star Trek pong'e' *Deghmey'e'* je
   [Star Trek and related *marks* are trademarks of Paramount Pictures]

If we tried to use the word {Degh}, "symbol," in our translation, we would 
have to decide what "this rock" is a symbol of. To me it symbolizes the the 
already mentioned right, i.e. {DIb},
of the Klingon Empire "to take this planet." Hence, one option would be to 
phrase this as:

   (yuQvam) DoQmeH DIb mub Degh 'oH naghvam'e'.
   [This rock is a symbol of the legal right to claim (the planet)]

or

   (yuQvam) DoQmeH DIbmaj mub Degh 'oH naghvam'e'.
   [This rock is a symbol of our legal right to claim (the planet)]

Another option might be to use such words as {maq}, "proclaim," or {'oS}, 
provided {'oS} means "represent" in the sense of "indicate":

   (yuQvam) DoQmeH DIbmaj mub maq naghvam.
   [This rock proclaims our legal right to claim (this planet)]

   (yuQvam) DoQmeH DIbmaj mub 'oS naghvam.
   [This rock represents/indicates our legal right to claim (this planet)]

   mub (yuQvam) DoQmeH DIbmaj 'e' maq naghvam.
   [Our right to claim (this planet) is legal; this rock proclaims this]

   mub (yuQvam) DoQmeH DIbmaj 'e' 'oS naghvam.
   [Our right to claim (this planet) is legal; this rock indicates this]


> >We will be arriving soon,
> >=========================
> >
> >     {tugh mapaw,}
>
>maj.

jIQochbe'.


> >your future is assured.
> >=======================

>    Sanraj wuqlu'pu'.
>    Your fate has been decided.

I like this version best.

To sum up,

Due to bad management by its current inhabitants
the Klingon Empire claims the right to take this planet for the benefit of 
the greater universe.
This rock is an official legally binding claim marker.
We will be arriving soon.
Your future is assured.

yuQvam luvuvHa'mo' DaH luDabbogh nganpu'
'u' HochvaD yuQvam DoQ tlhIngan wo'.
mub DoQmeH DIbmaj 'e' maq naghvam.
tugh mapaw.
Sanraj wuqlu'pu'.

'ISqu'

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