tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sun Feb 03 23:40:37 2002

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RE: KLBC A Simple Story

> All this talk of stories has made me want to write one of my own. How'd I
> do?

You did a very good job.  Only a few comments needed.

> ghoqwI'vaD qojHomDaq woD yaS QeH.
> The angry officer throws the spy over the embankment.

"The angry officer threw away (something) at the embankment for the spy."

He's throwing (away) the spy.  The spy is the object of woD.  The spy
doesn't need a -vaD.

qojHomDaq ghoqwI' woD yaS QeH.

> nuHDaj tu' yaS.
> The officer finds his weapon.

I don't like the choice of tu'.  "He discovers/observes his weapon."
woH - pick up
lel - take out
Suq - acquire
Hmm, I don't really like any of these choices either.  Hmm.

> yaS QeHmo' Qagh ghaH.
> Because of his anger the officer has made a mistake.

Yes QeH is a noun, your sentence is correct, but my mind sees this as
"because of the angry officer, HE errors."  Instead of noun-noun with noun
suffix -mo', I would have used verb with verb suffix -mo':  QeHmo' yaS,
Qagh - "Because the office was angry, he erred".

So really only one error, the other two are style preference.

DloraH, BG

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