tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Mon Sep 17 18:41:19 2001

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RE: KLBC: Othello

ro'Han said:

	qavan taD, 

	Here is my translation of the first page of Othello - I thought I
would send 
	it in to have it checked. It's my first major translation, so
mistakes are 
	sure to abound! :-) I have also taken a little poetic licence in a
couple of 
	places. Does it read well? 

I don't know how the original version of Othello sounds like, so I included
English translations of what your sentences read as.
I noted when things appeared to be ungrammatical, or if something sounded
like it wasn't what you meant.


	cha'wI'pu': roDrIgho' - Roderigo - yagho' - Iago. 

I think that in the translation of Hamlet, the word {DawI'} ("one who acts
in the manner of something") was used for "actor".
However, {cha'wI'} ("displayer") probably works okay also, as long as it's
obvious that it doesn't refer to a viewscreen.


	*Venice* vengDaq. He. 
	He lu'el roDrIgho' yagho' je. 

"In the Venice city. The route (street).
Roderigo & Iago enter the street."


	roDrIgho': chatlh Dajatlh. HuchwIj Daghajpu', 'ej HuchlIj DaDamoH.

"You speak hogwash. You have had my money, and you made it behave like your
own."


	HIraDQo' Har DaSovlaw'. 

It looks like this sentence needs to be fixed. I'm not sure how the original
version goes, but here you have three main verbs in one sentence (unless
{HIraDQo' Har} is supposed to be a name).
Depending on what you mean, you may want to separate these verbs into their
own sentences, or add type-9 suffixes onto the verbs.


	yagho': Qu'vatlh! cho'Ijbe'. yabwIj 'elchugh, jIHvo' yIghoS. 

"@#%! You didn't listen (to) me. If it enters my brain, go from me!"


	roDrIgho': chojatlhpu' DamuS. 

Without using {'e'} here, this means:
"You had told me, <You hate it>."

If you add {'e'}, then you get:
{chojatlhpu' 'e' DamuS} "You hate that you have talked (to) me."


	yagho': jIH yImuS vImuSbe'chugh.

Double check the imperative prefix table on page 34 of TKD.
{jIH yImuS} means "Hate the monitor/viewscreen"
I think that you probably wanted to say:
{jIH HImuS vImuSbe'chugh} "Hate *me*, if I don't hate it."


	yu'ghach qengbogh wej loDpu' quv, 'ej 
	mumojqangmoH SoghDa', 'ej luvanpu'.

"3 honored men conveyed interrogations, and the lieutenant-corporal made me
willing to become one, and they had saluted him."


	Hu'tegh, lo'laHghachwIj vISov; 
	jIlo'laH; Qu' qabqu' vIneHbe'.

"$@$#!, I know my value; I'm valuable; I don't want a really bad mission."


	'ach HemghachDaj Qu'meyDaj je muSHa'; jun, 
	tlhach mu'mey lo', mu'qaD veS buy'.

"But he loves (dis-hates) his proudness & his tasks; full curse warfare, the
jargon usage, evades."
I'm not sure exactly what the last sentence is supposed to be. It sounds
like you're saying something like:
"The full curse warfare (to use the vernacular) takes evasive action."
But I'm not sure if that's what you mean or not.


	'oDpu'wI' lajHa'.

"He refuses an arbitrateder [sic]."

{-pu'} is both a verb suffix and a noun suffix, so if it goes right after
the verb {'oD}, it is the verb suffix {-pu'}.
If it goes after the noun {'oDwI'}, then it is the noun suffix {-pu'}.
So you probably wanted {'oDwI'pu'} "arbitraters", right?


	<<yaSwI' vIwIvchu'pu'>> vIjatlh.

"I said <I have chosen my officer well.>"

When using {jatlh} for quotes, use a prefix that indicates "no object". For
example:
{<blah blah blah> jIjatlh} "I said, <blah blah blah>"

The quote can either go before or after the {jatlh}. For example:
{majatlh <blah blah blah>} "<blah blah blah>, we said."


	'ej nuq ghaH? SuvwI'qoq pov!

"And what was he? A so-called skilled warrior!"


	"Michael Cassio", 
	*Florence*ngan; be'pu'mo' 'IH QIHlaw'lI' loDvetlh.

"Michale Cassio, an inhabitant of Florence; That man apparently is damaging
beautiful women."

{'IH} is acting like an adjective, and describes {be'pu'}. According to page
50 of TKD, in such cases, any type-5 suffixes will go after the verb {'IH},
instead of the noun {be'pu'}.
So this should be:
{be'pu' 'IHmo'} "because of beautiful women"


	not nawlogh che'ronDaq roQ.

"He never put down on a squadron's battlefield."

Watch out for word order; if {nawlogh} is the object of the verb, then it
goes directly to the left of the verb:
{not che'ronDaq nawlogh roQ} "He never put down a squadron on a
battlefield."


	noH Sovbe', 'ach paqmeyDaj Sov; 'ach jojlu'pu' rIvSo'meyDaq
SuvlaHchu' 
	paqmeymo'.

"He doesn't know war, but he knows his books; but he can fight perfectly in
consuls' embassies, because of books."

Since {paqmeymo'} is neither the subject nor object of {SuvlaHchu'}, then it
goes at the beginning of the sentence, before the verb:
{'ach paqmeymo' jojlu'pu' rIvSo'meyDaq SuvlaHchu'} "But because of books, he
can fight perfectly in consuls' embassies."

It's not too often that I see the words {jojlu'} and {rIvSo'} used. :-)


	Dap jatlh, lon batlh; vaj, vajna' ghaHbe'.

"He speaks nonsense, honor abandons him; thus, he is not the true warrior."


	'a Qu'vaD wIvpu'lu'.

Watch out for verb suffix order. {-lu'} is a type-5 verb suffix, and {-pu'}
is a type-7 verb suffix. So {-pu'} should go after {-lu'}:
{'a Qu'vaD wIvlu'pu'} "But he has been chosen for the mission."

The story translation feels a little disjointed, but then again, that might
be due to how Shakespeare wrote the original version. :-)
Let me know if you have any questions on my comments, or want suggestions on
how to reword any of the phrases.

- taD

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