tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Thu May 10 08:00:05 2001
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RE: KLBC-Story
- From: "Stauffer, Tad E (staufte7)" <[email protected]>
- Subject: RE: KLBC-Story
- Date: Thu, 10 May 2001 11:00:23 -0400
yeygha' said:
> To work on/practice my Klingon vocabulary and grammar, I decided to write
> a small story :)
>
> ben law' Qo'noS SuvwI' yoH.
>
This sentence needs a main verb. You could use {Dab} ("dwell at, reside
at"), or say "lived on Qo'noS" like the English version.
> Saj ghaj SuvwI'vam. SajDaj parHa'qu' ghaH.
> SajDaj Sop targh naS. Qo'noS Dabbogh Hoch targh HoH 'e' 'Ip SuvwI'.
> targhmey law' HoHchoH ghaH.
>
maj.
> tugh Qo'noSDaq yInbogh wa' neH targh tu'lu'.
>
This sentence means "Soon, only one targ that lived was found on Qo'noS",
and it seems unnecessarily wordy.
You could make this sentence more direct by saying "Soon, only one targ
lived on Qo'noS" or "Soon, only one targ remained on Qo'noS."
> targhvam parHa'qu' puqHom.
>
Stylistically, I think that I'd be more likely to say {puq mach} ("small
child") or {puq Qup} ("young child") rather than {puqHom} ("small
child/mini-child/not-quite-a-regular-child").
> mun puq targh HIvDI' SuvwI'. <<targhwIj DaHoH DaneHchugh, vaj qaSuvrup>>
> ja' ghaH.
>
To avoid ambiguity when the 2 characters are speaking, it might be better if
you include {loD} or {puq} or {SuvwI'}, rather than just saying {ghaH}.
Although that is a matter of preference; maybe I just was easily confused
about who was speaking. :-)
> Hagh SuvwI', 'ach vam ja' <<Doj toDujlIj 'ej jImatlh. targhlIj vIHoHbe'.>>
>
>
It looks like you have a couple typos here. Did you mean {vaj} instead of
*{vam}?
{vaj} means "then, in that case" in the sense of cause-and-effect. The
adverbial {ghIq} is better in this case, and means "then, right after that".
For example,
{muvong. ghIq jIQongchoH} "He hypnotized me. Then I fell asleep."
Also, I think you meant to write {bImatlh} instead of {jImatlh} here.
> vam puq qeq SuvwI', 'ej SuvwI' HoSghaj moj puq.
>
Again, it looks like you meant to type {vaj} here instead of *{vam}, but
{ghIq} would be better.
> Many years ago a brave warrior lived on Qo'noS. This warrior had a pet. He
> loved his pet. A vicious targ ate his pet. The warrior swore that he
> would kill every targ on Qo'noS. He began to kill many targs. Soon there
> was only one targ alive on Qo'noS. A small child loved this targ. When the
> warrior attacked the targ, the child interered. "If you want to kill my
> targ, I am ready to fight you," he said. The warrior laughed, but then he
> said, "Your courage is impressive, and you are loyal. I will not kill your
> targ." Then the warrior trained the child, and the chile became a powerful
> warrior.
>
majQa'. lut vItIv.
> The main problem I ran into was how to say "one day". I wanted to say "One
> day a vicious targ ate his pet." Is there anyway to do that?
>
As ghunchu'wI' commented, "One day" is relatively superfluous and vague. We
don't have examples of native Klingon fiction, so we don't know whether
there are any literary phrases (such as "Once upon a time") that are used
for transitions. However, since Klingons are efficient and straightforward,
I would guess that such Klingon phrases are not common.
- taD
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