tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sun Aug 27 07:00:54 2000
[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next]
Re: [KLBC] [The Raven] Another little step
- From: [email protected]
- Subject: Re: [KLBC] [The Raven] Another little step
- Date: Sun, 27 Aug 2000 10:00:31 EDT
I've used the most recent translation (from your Web site) instead of
the one that was in the original e-mail.
qon Edgar Allan Poe:
>"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door --
> Only this and nothing more."
mugh Tremal-Naik:
><<SuchwI' 'oHlaw'>> 'e' vIQub'egh <<pa'wIj lojmIt qIptaHbogh-
>SuchwI' neH 'ej pagh law'.>>
It appears that {SuchwI' 'oHlaw'} is the object of {vIQub'egh}, using
the sentence-as-object formation. In this case, you do not need the
quote marks around the quotation. However, regardless of whether you use
the quote marks, the last part of the quotation ({pa'wIj lojmIt...pagh
law'}) is not part of the sentence-as-object construction. Additionally,
{pa'wIj lojmIt qIptaHbogh} appears to be a relative clause for
{SuchwI'}, but it comes after the main verb of the sentence. Also, I
think the {-'egh} on {vIQub'egh} is unnecessary; if you're thinking,
you're obviously thinking to yourself. {ghaH} instead of {'oH} should be
used since the {SuchwI'Hey} is capable of language. Alternatively, since
the speaker isn't certain whether the tapping is produced by a being
capable of language, you could use {tu'lu'law'} instead of {ghaHlaw'}.
Finally, I don't understand the last two clauses at all. I can think of
two ways to rewrite these two lines, but neither is particularly elegant
and neither fits with the rhythm.
pa'wIj lojmIt qIptaHbogh SuchwI''e' tu'lu'law' 'e' vIQub.
SuchwI' neH tu'lu'.
or
SuchwI' tu'lu'law' 'e' vIQub'egh. pa'wIj lojmIt qIptaH--
SuchwI' neH tu'lu'.
Poe:
>Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December
>And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor
>qaStaHvIS *December* 'IQ 'e' vIqawchu'
>'ej rav DungDaq QIbDaj Hotlh qul
Why use {rav DungDaq} instead of simply {ravDaq}?
>Hotlh means "project on the screen"... I use it like a "poetic
>license"
Consider {chenmoH}.
DujHoD