RE: Qor Hayqu' [KLBC]

["Andeen, Eric" <Eric.Andeen@Sequencia.com>]

jatlh taj'IH:

> Greetings to the Empire!

> As already threatened by me, here another haiku along 
> with explanatory remarks.

> Kor's haiku:
> Kor says in DS9 "The Dahar Master": "Enjoy the fruits 
> of life while they are fresh, for later they turn bitter" 
> (approximate quote). Kor has greatly come down in life, 
> having lost all power and position. He fails miserably 
> as Third Officer on General Martok's ship, as he seems
> to be suffering from a mild form of Altzheimer, but later 
> dies most honorably while saving two ships from a Jem 
> Hadar attack, thus redeeming himself.

> Qor Hayqu': (5-7-5 syllable form again)

> morning fruit has flavor [yes, I know it's plural in t.H.]
> po naHmey tlhorghqu'

This is "flavorful morning fruit" - a noun phrase, not a sentence. That's
OK, but if you want this to be a sentence, it should be <tlhorghqu' po
naHmey>.

> evening fruit has lost it's tang
> [when night is reached the food is dull]
> ram SIchpu'DI' jejHa' pach

<ram SIchpu'DI'> is rather weird - "when he/she/it reaches night", with an
unspecified "he/she/it", probably refering to the <Qor> from the previous
line. Strange. Instead, I would probably do something like <Haw'pu'DI' pem>
or <pawpu'DI' ram>.

Also, do you want to focus on the loss of sharpness or on the state of not
being sharp. Compare:

Haw'DI' pem jejHa'choH pach - The claw becomes dull when the day flees
Haw'pu'DI' pem jejHa' pach  - The claw is dull when the day has fled

The difference is pretty subtle, but hey, this is poetry.

> a fierce bird soars (to new heights)
> [a bird of prey flies and has maneuvered perfectly]
> puv toQ 'ej QoDta'

<QoDta'> means that the <toQ> has intentionally completed maneuvering.
<QoDchu'> would be "maneuvered perfectly".

> Nice food metaphors {{:-)
> I am worried about the syntax though...
> According to KGT, Klingons do not enjoy fresh fruit, 
> they prefer it overripe, thus the English simile 
> cannot be used in tlhIngan Hol. Their favorite flavour 
> is not sweet, as for humans, but spicy or sharp = tlhorgh.
> Therefore, a different metaphor (daytime) is used to hint 
> at youth and old age. Is there no word for evening?

> The expression "lost it's tang" = jejHa' pach means "the 
> claw is dull" (KGT), or "the food tastes dull". Here I 
> also allude to an old man having lost his cutting edge...

maj.

> toQ = "fierce bird, bird of prey" is the actual bird the 
> Klingon ship model takes it name from. Here this of course 
> alludes to the vessel Kor takes into battle to gloriously 
> die, whilst performing unheard-of maneuvers.

> This haiku turned out rather deep (a bit Japanese), I hope 
> the gentle reader still can follow {{:-) . Therefore, I 
> decided to give this one a real title.

> *waiting for criticism*

pagh
Beginners' Grammarian

tlhIngan Hol Mailing List FAQ
http://www.bigfoot.com/~dspeers/klingon/faq.htm