tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Fri Mar 12 18:51:38 1999

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RE: KLBC: An inspirational speech(Update)



jatlh quljIb:

> [Note: In the following speech, I've used a few "unorthodox" 
> word choices. These are marked by a "*" and are explained 
> folling the text.]


> tlhIngan wo''a' yerghomey HurDaq, law' may'mey Suvbe'bogh.
>  *'ej law' yuQmey charghbe'bogh.
>   'ej law' quvmey tlhapbe'bogh.

Suvbe' 'Iv? This is a perfect place for the indefinite subject suffix
<-lu'>. I'd probably also go with <may'mey law' Suvbe'lu'> rather than <law'
may'mey Suvbe'lu'bogh>, but if you're trying to be poetic and doing this for
a reason, then go ahead. I also don't like <quv> in the last line - <quv> is
really more like my personal honor, and not something that I can take or
capture or achieve. Perhaps <pop>, <ta'> or <yay> might be better. You may
also have to adjust the verb to fit the noun. <yay chav> is probably your
best bet.

> SuvlaHbe'pu' may'meyvam 'e' lujatlh nuvpu' puSbogh.
>   'ej charghlaHbe'pu' yuQmeyvam 'e' lujatlh.
>   'ej tlhaplaHbe'pu' quvmeyvam 'e' lujatlh.

Once again, the battles cannot fight themselves. <may'> should be the
*object* of the verb <Suv>, not the subject: <may'meyvam SuvlaHpu' pagh>.
<nuvpu' puSbogh> doesn't make sense. If you're using a verb like an English
adjective, just put it after the noun it modifies: <nuvpu' puS>. If you
really want to use a <-bogh> clause, the noun needs to be the *subject* of
the verb: <puSbogh nuvpu'>.

Also, <jatlh> is kind of a funny verb. It (probably) cannot be used with
<'e'>. When quoting someone, the quotation can go before or after the
<jatlh> sentence, and the quotation is NOT the object of the verb. I
generally add <>'s as quotation marks for clarity, but that is certainly not
necessary. Here's how it works:

<may'meyvam SuvlaH pagh> jatlhpu' nuvpu' puS.

You could also use a verb other than <jatlh>, like <maq>. Here's how I would
do it:

may'meyvam SuvlaHpu' pagh 'e' lumaq nuvpu' puS.

> luneppu' 'e' vIjatlh jIH.

<nep> really doesn't make sense with an object, so you need to modify the
prefix. Same comments as above about <jatlh>

neppu' jIjatlh jIH.

> maQam 'ej majen 'e' vIjatlh jIH.

This is something like "We stand tall", qar'a'? This doesn't quite work. To
start with, "tall" might be <jen>; it might be <runHa'>; it might be my
personal speculation of <tIq>; or it might be something else entirely. We
don't really know. Also, "stand tall" is an idiom that probably would not
carry over well into Klingon. Here's my suggestion:

maQamtaH 'ej maHemtaH jIjatlh jIH.

> tlhIngan neghna' maH'e'.

maj. Since the <maH> is acting as a verb here, it cannot take a noun suffix,
so drop the <-'e'>.

> may'meyqoq SuvlaHbe'bogh maSuv.
>   'ej yuQmeyqoq charghlaHbe'bogh machargh.
>   'ej quvmeyqoq tlhaplaHbe'bogh matlhap.

Same comments about <may'> and <Suv>: you need a subject. Also, the prefix
on the main verb sound be <DI-> instead of <ma->. This might also be a good
time for some type 6 suffixes.

may'meyqoq SuvlaHbogh pagh DISuvbej. . .

> maSuvDI' *jaghpu'majvo'* qang *'IwtIq'a'mey*.

Despite DloraH's comments, <'IwtIq> is really NOT a good idea. Even given
this context, I still probably would have thought about "blood hearts"
before figuring it out. Also, since the object is probably the
aforementioned <may'mey>, the prefix should be <DI->. 

Also, <qang> is a verb meaning "pour", but it means "pour something from one
container to another", as in pouring bloodwine into a glass. It cannot be
used for the kind of "pour" you want. Okrand has used <vIHtaHbogh bIQ> for
"running water"; perhaps you can use something similar.

>   'ej macharghDI' lutmeyma' bom wo' jatDu'.

lutmeymaj.

>   'ej matlhapDI' mayH 'e' legh no'pu' mInDu'.

Typo: <mayoH>. The prefix on <legh> should be <lu->. Also, <no'> is defined
as "ancestors", which is inherently plural, so drop the <-pu'>.

> 'ej nuqawDI' *puqloDpu'ma' puqloDpu'*, batlh *pongDu'maj* bom.

Your choice of <pongDu'> is ... interesting. I understand your reasoning
(explained below), but I'm not sure I agree with it. It's your speech,
though. The restis good.

> jaghDaq Ho'Du'raj tIcha'.

This is not a very good use of <-Daq>. Use <-vaD> instead - it works
perfectly.

>   'ej yuQmey puj tIpej.

yuQ naQ boQaw'chu''a'? Dajbej.

>   'ej *tuqpu'ra'vaD* lut bomneSbogh tInob.

Sorry, but a house is not capable of using language. <tuqmeyrajvaD>.

> wo'vaD balth Qapla' je!!!

This is not a complete sentence, but that's probably OK...


> SKI:

Usually, an SKI is a summary, not a translation. Just so you're clear on the
terminology.

>>>>>
Beyond the borders of the great Klingon Empire, numerous are the battles
  unfought.
  And numerous are the worlds unconqered.
  And numerous are the honours untaken.
"These battles CANNOT be fought," say a paltry few.
  "And these worlds CANNOT be conqered," they say.
  "And these honours CANNOT be taken," they say.
They LIE, I say.
We stand and we are tall, I say.
True Klingon warriors are we.
The so-called "unfightable battles", we shall fight them.
  And the so-called "unconqerable worlds", we shall conqer them.
  And the so-called "unobtainable honours", we shall take them.
When we fight, from our enemies shall pour great rivers of blood.
  And when we conqer, our stories shall be sung by the many tonques
  of the Empire.
  And when we take, the eyes of our ancestors shall see we are brave.
And when the sons of our sons remember us, they shall sing our names with
  praise.
Go. Show the enemy your teeth.
  And crush those weak worlds.
  And give your Houses stories they can sing with honour.

Glory and Success to the Empire!!!


Notes on word choice:

1. The periods between sentences normally combined with {'ej} are there
   simply for effect.

2. jaghpu'majvo' - I'm being insulting to the enemy here.

3. 'IwtIq'a'mey  - TKD lists {bIQtIq} as "river". {'IwtIq'a'mey}, "great
   rivers of blood", is a bit of very Klingon imagery.

4. puqloDpu'ma' puqloDpu' - Originally, I'd intended to write "our
   grandchildern's grandchildren", but could find no smooth way to say it.

5. pongDu'maj - A name is an intensely personal thing, thus do I regard it
   as though it's a body part.

6. tuqpu'ra'vaD  - Being made up of people (living or dead, it don't
   matter) a House is most definately capable of using language.
>>>>>

> P.S. How can I submit this to HolQeD?? 

HolQeD is a scholarly journal that publishes articles *about* the language.
The KLI also publishes an anthology of poetry and fiction called jatmey, and
you can submit things there if you like. Get hold of a previous issue (there
are three) if you want to have some idea of the type of things that get
published. I believe SuStel is currently the coordinator of the Klingon
writing project, and he can help if you are interested.


pagh
Beginners' Grammarian



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