tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sat Nov 15 03:48:08 1997
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Re: KLBC: klingon poetry?
- From: Qov <[email protected]>
- Subject: Re: KLBC: klingon poetry?
- Date: Sat, 15 Nov 1997 03:47:59 -0800
At 21:40 97-11-02 -0800, you wrote:
}Qapla'. I'm Rolando Coto, I haven't written to TLHINGAN-HOL for a long
}time, that damn <DuSaQ>. I just bought KGT and I've finished reading it for
}the second time, looks amazing. It even inspired me to write a little, I
}don't know if it's poetry, if it's a story, oh well...
I'm letting you get away with some things here, things that don't make exact
sense, because you've presented it as poetry. I'm not a literature critic ...
}"ghoryanavaD", rol'anDo' maryo' puqloD. (3)
}
}mInDu'wIj vISoQmoHDI'
}QongDaqDaq jISaQDI', qablIj vIleghtaH
}'IH mInDu'lIj, qa'lIjDaq cha' Qorwagh rur
}qIj jIblIj, 'eng leghluHbe'bogh (1) ram rur
It's not recommended that we use {-luH}. The marked usage breaks the flow
of words.
}jIyInmeH wuSDu'lIj vIHotnIS.
}yabwIjDaq ghoghlIj vIQoytaH
}muDuQ ghoghlIj, meQbogh taj rur
}jIHvaD bImonta'bogh poH Quch vIqawtaH
}I still remember the beautiful time when you smiled at me
You've set this up as if {poH Quch} is the subject of {mon}. It's not working.
In English you can say "the time when" or "the man who" or "the thing that."
In Klingon can do the last two with {-bogh} but you need more serious
recasting with the time marker.
Do not use the perfective to mean past tense. The happy time and the
smiling came together, so omit the past tense marker.
The usual way to say that something happened at a time, is just to put the
time words before the rest of the sentence. {po targh vISay'moH} "I washed
the targ in the morning." So:
poH Quch jIHvaD bImontaH 'e' vIqaw
Lit.: In a happy time you smiled at me. I remember that.
}jIHvaD mu'mey 'ey Dajatlhbogh poH ngaj vIqawtaH
}I still remember the short time when you spoke sweet words to me.
Same. {poH ngaj ... 'e' vIqaw}
}mu'mey 'ey, naran (2) rurta'
}Sweet words, they resembled <naran>. But now, they resemble water.
Time sense best established here with time marking words. Perfective is
quite wrong. The words resembled naran then, but the resemblence wasn't
then finished.
Hu' or ben as appropriate would mark the time well.
In English "sweet words, they" is an apposition. In Klingon it's a bizarre
inversion, because the subject must go last. Try {naran lurur mu'mey
'ey'e'} for the emphasis given by the extra pronoun in English.
}'ach DaH
}bIQ rur mu'meylIj.
{lurur}
}'ach SoQchoHta'DI' nujlIj 'ej mumuSchoHDI'
}tlhoS Hegh tIqwIj
}'IQqu'mo' tIqwIj pIlmoHbe' bom
}It was so sad not even music could bring it up
pIlmoHlaHbe' you mean, qar'a'?
}'ej nIteb SoHvaD parmaqwIjmo' jISaQ.
}and in loneliness I cried because of my love for you.
I don't like {nIteb} for "in loneliness" I think jImobtaHvIS is much better.
}ghoryana (3), parmaqwIj tIn HoS Hoch tIn puj
}muleghqa'chugh Hov vIjon 'ej SoHvaD vInob
}jIHvaD bImonqa'chugh
}'engvo' SaQlu'bogh bIQ woHmeH qul vIlo'
}
}wuSDu'lIj vIHot 'e' Dachaw'chugh
}SoHvaD yInwIj vInob.
}bangwI'na' SoHtaH 'e' DaSovchugh...
This does read very much like a poem that as written in English and
translated straight into Klingon without changing noun-based phrases to
verb-based ones unless it was absolutely necessary.
Qov [email protected]
Beginners' Grammarian