tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Thu Jul 31 22:23:48 1997
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Re: KLBC: story
- From: "David Trimboli" <[email protected]>
- Subject: Re: KLBC: story
- Date: Fri, 1 Aug 97 04:26:10 UT
[email protected] on behalf of Rethans F.G. wrote:
> I write a little story during te vacation. Although it isn't finished
> (yet) I would like some corretions/remakrs on the story,
Your column-based method of writing this didn't really come out that well.
Please use a line of Klingon and a line of English, the latter below the
former. Much easier on the brain!
> romuluS wIghoStaH we are proceeding towards Romulus
> yaSpu' maH vavwI' jiH je My father and I are commanders
"Commanders" would be {la'pu'} or {ra'wI'pu'}, depending on which sort of
commander you mean. (Commander in rank or commander of a ship? From the fact
that each is on his own Bird of Prey, I'll assume you meant {ra'wI'pu'}.)
{yaSpu'} is "officers."
Whenever you use a "to be" construction like this one, you must remember to
put {'e'} on the subject. In this case, you've got two subjects, so use {'e'}
twice:
ra'wI'pu' maH vavwI''e' jIH'e' je
You could simplify this a lot by simply saying
mara' vavwI' jIH je
My father and I command.
> toQDujmeymaj So'wI'mey we engage the cloaking devices of our Birds of
> Prey
This simply says "The cloaking devices of our Birds of Prey." You need a
verb.
toQDujmeymaj So'wI'mey DIchu'
We activate the cloaking devices of our Birds of Prey.
(Hmmm . . . would that be Birds' of Prey cloaking devices? That's a pretty
weird possessive!)
> jaq vavwI', My father is bold,
> HoHpu' SaD romuluSnganpu' he has killed 1000 Romulans
Remember your sentence order!
When using numbers, you must specify how many thousands, or hundreds, or tens,
etc.
wa'SaD romuluSnganpu' HoHpu'.
> pay' So'Ha' may'Duj romuluSngan Suddenly an romulan batlle cruiser
> decloaks
When using a race name, which is a noun, it comes before the noun it modifies.
It's not an adjective.
pay' So'Ha' romuluSngan may'Duj.
> yoH maH, maj' wI'el We are brave, we enter battle
You missed a prefix, and you spelled {may'} wrong.
I wonder if Klingons "enter" battle? We know that "entering" and "going
through" are pretty specific concepts to Klingons . . .
mayoH maH, may' wI'el
or just
mayoH, may' wI'el.
> HoS romuluSnganpu', The Romulans are strong,
> wIghaj neH cha'cha ej' and we've only 2 torpedos
Sentence order again!
Hmmm . . . I wonder if inherently plural nouns are quantifiable. My guess
would be that you'd have to say {cha' peng}, and you wouldn't want to say
{cha' pengmey} unless you meant two torpedoes scattered about! {cha' cha}
*may* be possible, but I don't like it much.
'ej cha' peng wIghaj.
> nutlhob jegh, They ask us to surrender,
Oh, I very much doubt that the Romulans would ASK the Klingons to surrender.
One coommands this. Besides, {tlhob} is a verb of saying, and you've stated,
"They ask us, 'Surrender.'"
I believe that {ra'} is also a verb of saying, so:
nura' jegh
They command us, "Surrender."
> 'ach ghIjbe' wIH but we aren't scared
{wIH}? You were thinking {maH}. Then you need a verb prefix, too.
{ghIj} is not "be scared." It's "scare." The subject does the scaring, the
object is scared. You *can* say {wIghIjlu'} "We are not scared." Or, you
could do {nughIjbe' romuluSnganpu'} "The Romulans do not scare us."
Personally, I think that Klingons generally wouldn't talk about being scared
in general, they'd use {-vIp} and pick a specific verb. For example:
maHeghvIpbe'.
> yoDmeymaj wIpep je wISo'Ha' We raise our shield and we decloak
{yoD} is the sort of shields used in personal body armor. The sort of shields
a ship uses is {botjan} (KCD). Perhaps you raise them, but that's probably
very idiomatic, and I'd rather see "activate" or "energize."
Use the sentence conjunction {'ej}, not the noun conjunction {je}.
Watch those verb prefixes! The first {wI-} should have been {DI-}, and the
second {wI-} means there's some object, but there isn't.
botjanmeymaj DIchu' 'ej maSo'Ha'.
> jol nISwI' baH romuluSnganpu De Romulans fire an disruptorbeam at my
> fathers ship
> DujDaq vavWi'
{jol} is "transport beam," used in transporter systems.
{nISwI'} is fine for "disruptor." You don't NEED "beam," although you could
use {tIH} "ray" if you really wanted to. However, if it's just one disruptor,
you need the verb prefix {lu-} on {baH}.
Again, any Type 5 suffixed nouns go before the rest of the sentence, excepting
adverbials, question words, and timestamps. Also, you need to use the correct
possessive form (TKD section 3.4) {vavwI' DujDaq} "At my father's ship."
vavwI' DujDaq nISwI' lubaH romuluSnganpu'.
> jun vavwI' He choH vavwI' ej' My father takes evasive action and changes
> course.
The subject of {choH} is the thing which changes. If you want to make
something else change (like a course), you must use the verb suffix {-moH}
(TKD section 4.2.4).
The sentence conjunction {'ej} comes BETWEEN sentences.
jun vavwI' 'ej He choHmoH vavwI'
> masDaq jISo' I hide behind a moon
Yeah, we don't have a word for "behind," do we? This sentence is too vague;
it might mean "I hide IN a moon," or "I hide ON a moon," and we have no
context to tell us which it is.
maS Dop HopDaq jISo'
I hide at/in/on a moon's far side.
This sentence is pretty weak, too. If anyone has any other ideas, feel free
to suggest them.
> vaj muleghbe' romuluSnganpu' so that the romulans can't see me.
To be completely accurate to your translation, this should be
vaj muleghlaHbe' romuluSnganpu'.
logh may' lutmey vItIv. majQa'. lutvam yIrInmoH.
--
SuStel
Beginners' Grammarian
Stardate 97583.0