tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Fri Jan 31 11:14:22 1997
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Re: weQwIj
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>Date: Fri, 31 Jan 1997 05:03:59 -0800
>From: "Dr. Lawrence M. Schoen" <[email protected]>
>
>ghItlh Irene:
>
>> My candle burns at both ends;
>> It will not last the night;
>> But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends --
>> It gives a lovely light.
>>
>> (Edna St Vincent Millay, 1920)
>>
>> cha' DaqDaq meQtaH weQwIj chu';
>> tugh, tlheDpa' ramvam, loj;
>> 'a toH! yIqIm, jaghpu', juppu' --
>> 'IH meQtaHvIS, 'ej Doj.
>
Man, I'd forgotten how nice that poem was! And the translation is lovely.
Should be peqIm, yes.
>1) what is the function of "chu'" in the first line (other than to allow
>for rhyme and meter)? Why is your candle new? Edna's wasn't.
Rhyme, surely.
>2) the juxtaposition of "jaghpu', juppu'" in the third line seems
>somewhat grammatically awkward. I keep looking for a "je" to tie them in
>rather than having to depend on the comma. This is a minor complaint
>though and easily dismissed under the blanket of "poetic license,"
>especially as the line flows and works so well as written.
Actually, I rather like the asyndeton, with no conjunction. Though I just
came up with a possibility to lose the "chu'" and put the conjunction back
in, at the cost of changing a perfect rhyme to a near-rhyme.
Replace the first line with "cha' DaqDaq meQtaH weQwIj'e'" and the third
line with "'a toH, peqIm, jagh jup je" (missing a syllable, actually, but I
don't like pluralizing one and not the other). I am not sure it's worth it
just to remove the "chu'". There may be other ways too.
~mark
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