tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Wed Feb 12 07:08:07 1997
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Re: A Klingon Wedding
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>Date: Mon, 10 Feb 1997 18:40:04 -0800
>From: "la'Hom qorDayt" <[email protected]>
>
>Mark,
>
>Here's something I wrote for the wedding. I'm not even attempting to parallel a
>known Terran ceremony (especially because the participants aren't paralleling
>this ceremony with the state-sanctioned ceremony and paperwork). Let me know
>what you think and remember, I'm really just a beginer.
Ooooookay...
>--------------------------------------------------------------
>[Officiate stands at center stage, couple stands
> facing away from each other and two paces apart]
>
>Qam SuvwI' 'ej chalbIngDaq (ghaHtaH)
Hrm; that second sentence sounds strange. You definitely need a verb (The
warrior stands, and under the sky. Under the sky WHAT???) "ghaHtaH" also
sounds too weak; I wanted to hear "QamtaH", but you already used Qam in the
first sentence. Maybe just "chal bIngDaq Qam SuvwI'" (or QamchoH 'ej
QamtaH). BTW, I think "chal bIngDaq" makes more sense than inventing a
compound.
>poSDaq jaghpu'
>nIHDaq jaghpu'
Verbs missing (lutu'lu'). But possibly forgivable as poetry, and since
it's to be completed in the next line.
>DatDaq chaHtaH
"Dat" never takes a "-Daq" suffix (p. 27). Just "Dat chaHtaH".
>SuvtaH
>batlh Suv
>nIteb Suv
They only battle separately?
>SuvlaHchu' 'ach Heghbej
>vaj mamuvchuq
>cha' moj wa'
"One becomes two." I think you have the sentence-order backwards. Object
first: "wa' moj cha'". Unless you really mean "one becomes two" and I
misunderstood the imagery.
>tuq moj cha'
>mangghom moj tuqmey
>wo' chen mangghommey
chenmoH: the armies cause the empire to take form (by their actions or by
joining up with one another).
>*_____*, bIghuH'a'?
> HIja'
>*_____*, bIghuH'a'?
> HIja'
"On your mark, get set...."
I don't think "ghuH" is the Right verb. I expect something more specific,
with -rup on it. Possibilities: bISuvrup'a', bIvangrup'a',
bISawrup'a'/bInayrup'a', bImuvrup'a', bIreghrup'a' (if the blade is
supposed to cut their hands), etc.
>[couple takes two steps backwards to stand back to back
> The officiate draws a dagger which he holds above their
> heads. They reach up with their right hands and grasp
> the blade palm down. the couple turns to the left to face each
> other. The officiate lowers the blade to waist level, the
>couple's hands still atop the blade. the officiate places his
>hand on top of the couple's hands.]
>
>DaHjaj mobHa' tlhIH
Mmm, I like mobHa'. Maybe an added sentence like "...'ej not Sumobqa'"?
>DaHjaj tagh wo'
>
>[the officiate takes his hand away and draws the blade away,
> leaving the couple's hands clasped]
>
>rIn 'oH [or] pItlh
pItlh.
>[the couple kisses, while doing that, the officiate says loudly]
and while the paramedics stand by with bandages and minor antibiotics for
treating the minor wounds...
>yIn
>batlh
>Qapla'
Grammar's pretty good... I won't comment much on the poetry or imagery,
since that's something very personal, to be decided by the writer and/or
the couple in question.
~mark
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