tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Wed Sep 11 20:19:43 1996
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Re: lutwIj vIlabqa'
- From: [email protected] (HoD trI'Qal)
- Subject: Re: lutwIj vIlabqa'
- Date: Wed, 11 Sep 1996 23:20:43 -0400
At 07:44 PM 9/2/96 -0700, Laurel Beckley wrote:
>
>I'm rewriting my story, as trI'Qal HoD asked, with corrections from her
>and also ~mark. Here it is:
Excellent! Let's take a second look, and see what you have done with the
place. {{:)
>yotlhDajDaq Qam wIjwI'.
>ghopDajDaq betleHDaj qeng.
>tIrDaj legh.
>tIrDaq pe'choH, betleHDaj lo'lI'.
Well, you did change this last line from the original (<betleHDaj tlhap 'ej
tIrDaj pe'lI'.>)
What you have here is "He begins to cut to the grain, he is inthe process of
using his betleH". If you use punctualtion, please keep it consistent with
English punctuation; the comma-splice is incorrect. It should either be a
semi-colon(;) or, I likely syspoect that you had the wrong suffix on <pe'>,
and you want -meH, either with or without the -choH. I'm also pretty sure
you didn't want -Daq on <tIr>, and wanted -Daj. {{:)
>ghaH ghoS SuvwI'.
I think someone already suggested <chol> here, didn't they?
Actaully, this is probably a very good time to USE <ghoS>; I can't see any
way, in context, that <ghoS> could be interpreted as anything other than "to
approach". Hmm... interesting...
>Hagh SuvwI'.
>>bISuvlaHbe'chu' SoH. tIr neH pe' betleHlIj.< jatlh SuvwI'.
>jangbe' wIjwI.
>tIrDaj pe'taH.
>Hagh SuvwI'.
I don't think I suggested it before... but perhaps a suffix to clarify this
verb... -qa' or -taH?
>>verengan DajeylaHbe'< jatlh SuvwI'.
>pay' SuvwI' HIv wIjwI'.
>nom Suv.
>tugh Heghpu' SuvwI'.
>tIrDaj peqa' wIjwI'.
Oops... I think the missing ' in <pe'> was a typo. {{:)
>There it is. How did I do this time? I hope there aren't any typos this
>time; I'm afraid there were a few last time.
Unfortunately, yes, there were a few typos. However, I think this is MUCH
improved over the original; typos are rather trivial, and are easily fixed.
Grammar errors are not-so-trivial, and not-so-easily fixed.
You did an EXCELLENT job on turning this around again! My comments were
more stylistic this time, which is always a pleasant change; it means you
have yoru grammar right! majQa'!
'ej lutlIj vItIvqu' je! {{;)
>Laurel
>[email protected]
--tQ
Translatsions:
-------------
And I really liked the story, too. :)
---
HoD trI'Qal, tlhIngan wo' Duj lIy So' ra'wI'
Captain T'rkal, Commander IKV Hidden Comet (Klingon speaker and net junkie!)
HaghtaHbogh tlhIngan yIvoqQo'! toH... qatlh HaghtaH Qanqor HoD???
monlI'bogh tlhInganbe' yIvoqQo'! SoHvaD monlI' trI'Qal...