tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Mon Aug 01 06:50:51 1994

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<Li Nalas>SoQ



>From: [email protected] (Margaret Kipp)
>Date: Sun, 31 Jul 1994 20:28:00 -0400

>I have attempted to translate the following speech into Klingon 
>and would appreciate any grammatical corrections.  The sentences 
>have been numbered for your convenience.

OK, let's take a look!

>Li Nalas' speech at the airlock (DS9: The Siege)

>1. Where are you running to?
>2. This is Bajor.
>3. We are Bajorans.
>4. We fought a war to regain our homeland.
>5. How can you abandon it like, like frightened Cardassian Voles.
>6. These ships are for our guests who must leave because it is no 
>longer safe for them here.
>7. However, we are Bajorans and I say that we stay and we solve 
>our own problems together.
>8. Are you willing to join me?

>1. nuqDaq Daq SuqetlI'

Too many Daq's (spoil the qagh).  "nuqDaq" means both "where" and
"whither", so you should be saying "nuqDaq SuqetlI'?"  As it stands it
means... I'm not sure, it's kind of confusing.  I don't know what to make
of the extra "Daq" noun.  The "-lI'" works okay, meaning you're in the
process of running but you're not there yet.  I'm not sure it's necessary
though, since they've hardly started running.

>2. <Bajor> 'oH 'e' yuQvam

"<Bajor> 'oH yuQvam'e'".  'e' doesn't work the way you used it (I'm not
sure how you're using it).

>3. <Bajoran>pu' maH

Heh...  How about "<Bajor>ngan maH", using the "ngan" word for
"inhabitant".  The "-pu'" is optional; I think it sounds nicer without it.

>4. <Cardasian>pu'vo' juHqo'maj wInge'meH veS wISuv

See above... "<Cardassia>nganpu'vo'" perhaps.  I never imagined "nge'" used
to mean "take back", but I supose it's okay.  I always say it used as "take
away" from all parties concerned.

I think I'd like seeing a "-ta'" or "-pu'" on the "Suv" verb.  "We have
fought a war", that is.  It's better as a present perfect than a past.
Hmm.  "veS wISuv" is sort of iffy; it's pretty Englishy to think you can
have a war as the object of fighting.  Maybe just "maSuv" or "DISuv" (we
fought them), or "veS wIchenmoH".

>5. chay' batlhHa' yoHHa' <Cardasian> <vole>mey DaDa juHmaj bolon

Far too many verbs here.  I see "batlhHa'", "yoHHa'", "Da", and "lon", all
clamoring to be the main verb of this sentence.  If you mean "batlhHa'" and
"yoHHa'" to act as adjectives, they should go *after* the noun they modify,
not before.  Or recast with "-bogh".  "DaDa" means "you(singular) act like
it/them"; he's talking to plural people.  And again, I can't find which is
the verb in this sentence.  You need to make subordinate clauses.
Something like:

chay' ..... boDa', juHmaj bolonDI'.

>6. mebma' DujmeyvamvaD DInob mejchoHbogh naDev toDchoHlu'mo'

Your word-order has confused me.  "To our guest's ships we give them"?  You
mean "we give these ships to our guest(s)", right?  That'd be "mebma'vaD
Dujmeyvam DInob".

The second half really loses me.  "someone/something saves here, which
begins to leave"?  You can't spread out relative clauses with other stuff
intervening, like you can in English.  Klingon requires its relative
clauses all to be compacted together.  Split this into two sentences.  Put
a period after the sentence about giving the ships and then say "naDev
mejnIS chaH, QobchoHpu'mo' ghu'." (they must leave here, because the
situation has become dangerous)

>7. 'ach <Bajoran>pu' maH 'ej jatlhbogh maQam 'ej qay'meymaj
>DItI'mo' matay'

OK, "<Bajor>ngan maH"... that's cool.  "'ej jatlhbogh maQam"?  Um,
"jatlhbogh" is either "he/she/it who says (something)" or "something which
he/she/it says", and likely neither, since you didn't give us either a
subject *or* an object.  The original has "I say"; what's wrong with
"jIjatlh"?

"Qam" is stand; don't you mean "maratlh"?  You have too many verbs again:
We stay and we fix our problems we're together.  Maybe "matay'taHvIS" would
be better, or better still, "majIjtaHvIS".

>8. tumuvqang'a'

This is good.

I think you need some work on your basic sentence-structure.  You should
probably flag your stuff with "KLBC" so the Beginner's Grammarian can
handle it.

Nice ideas, though!


>--
>Margaret Kipp     [email protected]
>Transportation chief   USS Galaxy
>Only a fool fights in a burning house.
>meQtaHbogh juHDaq Suv qoH neH       }}:-)


~mark



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