tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sun Dec 13 12:46:38 1998
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Re: A Klingon Christmas
- From: "Patrick Masterson" <[email protected]>
- Subject: Re: A Klingon Christmas
- Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1998 12:46:26 PST
>Date: Wed, 9 Dec 1998 20:44:48 -0800 (PST)
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>From: [email protected]
>To: Multiple recipients of list <[email protected]>
>Subject: A Klingon Christmas
>
>Okay, everyone, get ready to roll your eyes. This is an English
language
>version of "A Klingon Christmas," because it would take me well into
next year
>at least to learn enough to translate it. It's not terribly funny, but
I
>thought it might at least be a little amusing.
>
>Twas the night before Christmas on the Enterprise-D,
>On a routine short hop to Starbase 03,
>With Data on duty in the command chair,
>At Warp 6, the Enterprise soon would be there.
>Just for something to do while the other crew slept,
>He scanned where historical records were kept
>And with a blink of his eye and a cock of his head,
>"Intriguing! Tomorrow is Christmas!" he said.
>But no one was stirring, and he sought to find why,
>And so he buzzed Geordi, who awoke with a sigh:
>"Christmas? It's only an old holiday --
>Now just let me get back to sleep, okay?"
>"But is to wish Merry Christmas not human to do?"
>And so Data wished it -- to the whole ship and crew.
>Everyone on the Enterprise awoke from this clatter --
>Picard rushed to the bridge to see what was the matter.
>"What is the meaning of this noise, Mister Data?"
>"Sir, is it not Christmas--?" "We'll discuss it much later!"
>Just then Worf said, "Captain -- a Klingon Prey Bird!
>Its hull has been damaged -- it's uncloaking, sir."
>"On screen," said Picard, as the Klingon ship hailed:
>"Federation vessel, our Life Support systems have failed!
>A strange ship attacked us, inflicting the worst,
>(though naturally, of course, we'd fired on it first)."
>The Klingons beamed over, and the senior staff met,
>To try and determine the source of the threat.
>Said Picard, "Mister Data, an assignment for you:
>Give all of these Klingons something to do!
>They think it's the Romulans we should look for,
>Get them all off the bridge, before there's a war!"
>So Data departed, while the rest of the crew
>Wondered: Romulans? Ferengi? If not them, then who?
>Said Worf, "Sir -- disturbance on Holodeck Three!"
>The entire bridge crew ran down there to see.
>Roared Picard, "Mister Data, what the devil is this!!"
>"Sir, I have taught the Klingons how to celebrate Christmas."
>And so there they were -- on holodecks 3, 4 and 5
>With synthohol, singing and Rokeg Blood Pie!
>Soon the Big E was rocking with holiday cheer
>Friend, foe, and family came from both far and near.
>The Romulans showed up with some Romulan Ale,
>The Ferengi brought goodies for free -- not for sale!
>But a strange ship was coming, the captain was told,
>With one crew member only, and a huge cargo hold.
>Said the Klingons, "It's the strange ship that fought us -- attack!"
>Said Picard, "On Christmas? -- Mister Worf, just hold back."
>And then as the ship came into view,
>Onscreen came its captain -- none other than Q!
>He wore a white beard and a suit of deep red...
>"Joyeux Noel, mon captain," was what Santa Q said.
>"Tell those Klingons next time to not go so berserk.
>You need good defense systems in this line of work.
>Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be warping away...
>Did you think anyone else could do this job in one day?"
>"I'm sensing emotion," said Counselor Troi,
>"Peace in the galaxy, Good Will and Joy."
>And they stood on the bridge and watched Q take flight, shouting,
>"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"
>
>
That was pretty funny, there. Hehehehe.
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