tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sat Aug 24 00:40:42 1996
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Hamlet and ILS and lots more
- From: Nick Nicholas <[email protected]>
- Subject: Hamlet and ILS and lots more
- Date: Sat, 24 Aug 1996 17:34:33 +1000
- Organization: University of Melbourne,Dept. of Linguistics & Applied Linguistics
- References: <[email protected]>
In TLHINGAN-HOL Digest 642, two items appeared I answer here: charghwI''s
comment on plural nouns in Hamlet, and Kenneth Traft's posting of the Proechel
version of part of Act I Scene I of Hamlet. I here post for comparison the
corresponding KLI Hamlet text, with accompanying English back-translation, and
a few comments on the philosophy we adopted in translating the work.
> Date: Mon, 19 Aug 1996 22:24:04 -0400 ()
> From: "William H. Martin" <[email protected]>
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: Re: Hamlet comments
> Message-ID: <[email protected]>
> While you are passing out cigars, you might wish to note the repeated use of
> {lu-} on verbs
> whose subject is a group noun, which should be grammatically singular, as in
> {'a cho'meH
> vortIbraS luwIv yejquv, 'e' pIH leSSovwIj.}
> ^^
> Of course, I guess I could be wrong in interpreting TKD's "Inherently plural
> nouns are
> treated grammatically as singular nouns in that singular pronouns [verbal
> prefixes] are
> used to refer to them..." on 3.3.2, page 24. Perhaps it only refers to nouns
> like {ray',
> cha, chuyDaH je} which have corresponding singular versions? jISovlaHbejbe'.
The reason I considered yejquv plural is what the ancients called a constructio
ad sensum: I was saying 'council', but had in mind the *members* of the
council. Many languages let you get away with this; I think in English, this is
a distinction between American and British (Australian, as in most things,
would probably be in-between.) I'd rather get a ruling from Mark on this before
expunging it (hint, hint, Mark!), but the evidence from 3.3.2 strongly suggests
that grammar, rather than meaning, determines number agreement in Klingon. I
suspect the rule is, if it can't take -pu' on without changing the referent,
it's singular.
> This is not in any way meant to slight the amazing accomplishment of this
> delightful little
> tome. And I'm not suggesting that it be corrected in a later edition. I
> couldn't bear to
> watch you rework the iambic pentameter around every occurance of THAT little
> booboo.
There are several assumptions in Hamlet that have since been falsified ---
notably Hoch before its argument. This is inevitable in the kind of work we do
in Klingon: we have to make assumptions (or else keep silent, as Ken Beesley
has done), in the light of Okrand's sporadic involvment with the community. I
used to be exasperated by this situation --- but like Dr Strangelove and the
bomb, I have grown accustomed to it, and greatly enjoy the game of
guesstimating the language. Unfortunately, the bomb goes off on occasion, and
you have to rework things.
Let me make it clear: my brief, in writing Hamlet, was to write as good a text
as I could, *within the constraints of canon*. When I got the stress rules for
nouns wrong, I rewrote the whole damn thing. I could have said (as Mark indeed
suggested!) that poetic Klingon has different rules --- but that would be
cheating, and I will not cheat. Likewise with Hoch, likewise with titles
following names, and likewise (it seems) with collective singular nouns: I will
not cheat at this game. If the rules we've assumed in the playing are changed
by Okrand, it is my job to rework my work accordingly. I write Klingon, not (as
far as I can) Nicholasese. This is why, after I solo'd _Much Ado_, and after
months went by without anyone volunteering to do Hamlet on the list, I insisted
that I do the work in conjunction with Guido: this task was too big, too
important to bear one person's stamp.
As a result of this thinking, I have consistently attempted to go for the most
conservative interpretations of grammar --- wherever I remembered to :-) . This
is why feedback from Mark and Guido was essential to the project, and feedback
on *any* Klingon text to be published is crucial: what you regard as
conservative may well trigger off someone else's alarums. Regrettably, Mark's
review process only got as far as III 2. As it turns out, Mark's stamp on the
first three acts is indelible: there's a suggestion of his implemented on just
about every second line, and he served an essential function in moderating
Guido's and my stylistic excesses. What you're seeing in IV and V, however, is
Nicholasese in the verse, and Nicholasese-influenced Guidoese in the prose.
(Guido had some comments on my work, but I remember me as having more on his.
:-) I did revisit the text and try to tidy it up; but that is no surrogate for
external review. Circumstances, as you all know, precluded the review process
going through to fruition.
This is why I draw particular pride from charghwI''s comments on V 2 ---
particularly as I know charghwI' to be no idle flatterer, and have in my time
locked horns with him more than once. charghwI' was right to say my earlier
Klingon was impenetrable; _Much Ado_ is where I learnt to write Klingon, _Mark_
was my apprenticeship, and _Hamlet_ is where I tried to put things into
practice. That my style passes muster with the Klingonist we have come to
regard as the premier Klingon stylist is something that engenders in me humble
gratitude.
This is not to say that I am not still concerned about the style I used. Our
task in Hamlet was particularly difficult. Kenneth mentions in passing that
Proechel's text was welcome in its abbreviations and simplification:
> (cutting away a lot of the boring tedious dialogue
> making more concise tedious and boring dialogue -- boy to I hate
> Shakespeare).
Well, my problem is, I love Shakespeare. And rendering the complex style and
verbal extravagance of Shakespeare's Elizabethan English into the comic-book
vocabulary and severe syntactic constraints of Klingon is impossible. We too
have had to cut away and simplify. We differ from Proechel as to where to draw
the line.
Not a verse is missing; words were added or subtracted only rarely. But the
culture-specific references are all out the window --- and the readers will
have to judge whether what replaced them worked. Puns are there to replace the
puns (Lawrence, take note --- I've seen an interview of yours saying we didn't
do puns!) Not all the puns were particularly good, and the "anagram-pun"
invention for Polonius was engendered out of desperation. Again, the readers
will have to judge the success of this. Finally, the syntax had to be
simplified radically --- long rollicking periods chopped down to simpler
clauses, nominalisations expanded out, periphrases introduced --- all while
still trying to preserve the thrust of what Shakespeare said.
It was a wonderful challenge; but sometimes I read over my work and wince at a
lost metaphor, at one modifying clause too many. (Hence I urge you, all of you,
to tell me what you made of the style; we need the feedback.) At times, I'll
admit, I've also read the work --- particularly the prose, which Guido did ---
and smile at our chutzpah and inventiveness...
As for the pentameter, do not let that deter you in making suggestions. If I
had to redo the whole play in getting noun suffix stress right, reorganising a
hundred or two hundred lines is not insurmountable. (This in fact is the task
awaiting me for the earlier _Much Ado_.) You can't sustain a play-ful of
pentameter unless you're prepared to be flexible.
I won't comment on what I think of Proechel releasing Hamlet while I was in
Greece last year, trying to get the revision task back on keel. Suffice it to
say I used the Anglo-Saxon tetragrammaton to describe him to Mark, when he
informed me, and that there are some actions one can never forgive. Having now
seen what the mountains have given birth to :-) , I won't comment on his Act I
Scene 1, either; I'm not happy about it, but noone would expect me to be. :-)
The Klingon text is available on ftp://ftp.kli.org/pub/Text/KSRP/hamlet and in
book form; the English text is ridiculously easy to procure. I here give just
my back-translation; the reader can themselves compare this with the posted
Proechel text, but I will enclose in brackets sections omitted from that
version.
***
The disaster-story of Khamlet, son of the emperor of Kronos.
Story section 1.
Story subsection 1. Klin. A high guard-place at the fore of the imperial
building.
[Veranchisko guards. Bernardo enters to him]
B: Who approaches?
[V: No, answer me. Start standing and identify yourself.
B: May the Empire endure!
V: Bernardo?
B: It is me indeed.
V: You're obviously loyal, for your time to arrive is most accurate.
B: Midnight has happened. Go to bed, Veranchisko.
V: I do thank you for relieving me from my duty. It is very cold.
And my heart seems ill.
B: Was it calm while you were guarding?
V: Even a bug didn't move.
B: Then well done. Success!
If you meet the honoured Khorey'sho and Marshelush ---
they are our partners while I guard --- then make them hurry.
V: Wait, I seem to hear them. Hey, stand! Who approaches?
[Khorey'sho and Marshelush enter]
Kho: Friends of this realm.
M: And men obedient to the master of Kronos.
V: Success to you.
M: Success, honest warrior.
Who has relieved you?
V: Bernardo succeeds me to the duty.
Success. [Leaves]
M: Hey! Hey! Bernardo!
B: Well, tell me:]
Is Khorey'sho present?
Kho: It seems merely a segment of him is present.
[B: What do you want, good Khorey'sho. What do you want, Marshelush.]
Kho: Have these seeming energy beings appeared during this night?
B: I have seen absolutely nothing.
M: Khorey'sho says "you're merely dreaming." [And he strongly prevents
that idea from capturing him,] disbelieving the imposing apparent spirit
which we have seen twice.
So I have made him accompany me, [to keep watching here
the minutes of this night.] Thus if the seeming energy beings appraoch again,
he can verify our eyes, and can speak to the spirit.
Kho: Charming! They will obviously not appear.
B: Well, sit down a bit.
You seem to have energised a force field for your ears, to stop our story
entering.
So we will report the event we have seen,
during two midnights, to attack them again.
[Kho: We sit down.
And let Bernardo report the situation to us thoroughly.]
B: During yesterday night,
when that planet [left of the coordinate-star] had travelled, and the roamer
had gone to shine at the sector it now makes bright,
while Marshelush and I were guarding,
as soon as the first hour sounded ---
[The corpse-spirit enters]
M: Stop speaking! Attend! They now approach again!
B: They have taken form to be the same as our dead king.
M: You are a studier. Say something to them, Khorey'sho.
[B: They are just like the king, yes? Note them, Khorey'sho.
Kho: They are most similar.] They surprise me and make me uneasy.
B: It now seems to want someone to say something to it.
M: Hey, Khorey'sho!
Talk to them.
Kho: You have laid claim --- while it was illegal! --- to this hour of the
night,
[and to the belligerent, fair body which the undisgraced king of Kronos,
whom we have buried,] made use of to walk in years past.
So what the devil are you? Damn it, I order you: Speak!
M: They seem offended.
[B: Hey! They make haste to leave.]
Kho: Wait! Speak! Speak! I order you: Speak!
[The corpse-spirit leaves]
M: Now it has fled, and refuses to answer.
B: What do you want, Khorey'sho? [Now you are white. You seem to shake.]
Now do you believe that we were merely dreaming yesterday?
Well, what is your opinion?
Kho: I damn well swear it: I would not believe this event,
if my observing and truth-telling eye did not confirm it.
M: They resemble our king, yes?
Kho: And you too resemble yourself!
When he was duelling with the most insubordinate head of the House of Duras,
he wore that very armour. He showed that face, to be grouchy,
when he struck the Kinshaya of the armored vehicles in the ice,
when the succession ritual grew angry. It is very strange.
[M: While the accurate minute of very midnight was happening, he has now
been belligerent and overtaken us three times, while we guarded.
Kho: I cannot choose my idea which I must act on.]
But if I must quickly choose before carefully considering it,
then it seems to make one expect that a wierd disaster will happen to the
empire.
[M: Well, now sit down, and let the knower report:
why does this night duty, careful and causing great care,
make citizens of the empire and soldiers have to work
each night? And why do they melt metal
for battle arrays to be built every day?
Why do they trade with aliens, to buy war machinery?
And why do they recruit spacecraft builders?
It seems recess is illegal for them, for their duty is urgent.
Now midnight, too, must cooperate with the daytime to work,
for the tired make haste. Because of what event about to take place
does all this need to be undertaken? Who can explain it?
Kho: Listen, I can.
Well, I can report the rumours being whispered.
You know the event: the Head of the House of Duras, Vortibrash,
years ago challenged our king, who now seemed to appear to us, to a duel,
for his resentful instinct encouraged him.
And when they duelled, the most brave king Khamlet
killed that insubordinate Vortibrash --- all inhabitants of this sector
judged him to be most brave. So, because the battle treaty ordered it,
which laws, honour and tradition had verified completely,
when he lost his life, he also had to lose
all his areas which he had himself conquered in years past,
and the winner of the battle had to obtain them. For their treaty,
our king was also ready to gamble districts of the same area.
And they would have to be taken away for Vortibrash to obtain them,
had the king perchance lost. So because their treaty ordered it,
and the law of the document they'd accepted demanded it,
his region had to be taken away to Khamlet. Well, sir:
Because young Vortibrash was heated up and filled by
the bravery of an ensign, which time has not yet trained to completion,
in this area and that area, at the boundary of their regions
he quickly collected an agglomeration of the belligerent
who follow not the laws. The young man made their bile fierce for a quest of
bile,
that they may obtain food, and a day's money.
And the government of our empire fully recognised their task he'd ordered:
since his peace treaty would force it, and his army would be strong,
he clearly wanted to obtain once more the region his father lost.
And it seems that this is the event that is the origin
the chief cause of our preparations, the origin of our night duties,
and the source of the hastening confusion in our empire,
B: Well, that's obviously it. But perhaps the event is not wierd,
when seeming energy beings of fate approach us while we guard,
bearing arms. It resembles the king, and both in years past and today
that king was the cause of these preparations for war, right?
Kho: They are merely a bit of dirt. But they can annoy the eye of the brain.
When things were ancient, in the honourable prosperous Romulan empire
all graves opened up, slightly before the great Yulyush fell.
And they were totally empty. Corpses not yet unwrapped
chattered and yelled in the streets of Romulus.
Long fires in the sky and raining blood followed comets.
Omens were black in the sun. And because the moon,
which makes the oceans its dependent, was sick from the star's shadow,
it seemed to proclaim the last day. The sky and universe, cooperating,
have also revealed in years past to our sectors
and the inhabitants of our empire fierce events,
the same preceders, and things making one expect angry fate,
and introducers of tomorrow's certain catastrophe ---]
but look! Attend! They appear again!
[The corpse-spirit enters again]
I will interfere with it walking, even if it soon obliterates me.
Wait, you so-called entity! If you have any speech, or ability of voice,
talk to me!
If you are now willing to demand that I achieve any task
so that you may be calm, and I may obtain praise,
talk to me!
If you know a disaster of years to come in our empire, then,
if we can fortunately prevent it, acquiring foresight from you,
talk to me!
Or else, if you have concealed riches you have stolen,
having collected it, in the belly of our ground --- while it was illegal ---
and you often do have to walk because of that event, spirits,
when you have died --- then report the crime. [The dawn-voiced Kra cries] Stay!
Speak! Marshelush, stop it walking!
M: Hey, will I strike it? Will I use my batleth?
Kho: If it will not pause, then strike it.
[B: Here!
Kho: Here!]
M: He's utterly gone. [The corpse-spirit leaves]
He is a warrior of utmost dignity. So we certainly offend it,
attempting a so-called conflict: he is like the atmosphere, for he can't be
wounded.
When we strike him and fail, we merely mock him.
B: He was ready to speak, when the Kra cried.
Kho: And when it cried,
he acted as a guilty man, being surprised. [It seemed like a communication of
blame scared him.
When the dawn Kra, the seeming "chush'ugh" for the morning,
used its high strong voice, the daytime spirit always wakes.
And when it sounds the alarm, even if they are at the ocean, and/or fire,
and/or the sky, and/or the planet surface,
the wandering and distant spirits must hasten
to their prisons soon. So I hear.
And now that entity seems to prove it.
M: He disappeared, when the dawn Kra cried. And this fact is reported:
when the time of Military Day is about to happen, when we prepare
to honour the soldiers of the Black Fleet, that morning-animal cries
throughout the nights. And while it cries, one believes
that all spirits refuse to travel on the planet surface; they do not dare.
The night atmosphere makes one healthy. And vegetation stops producing poison.
The energy beings of trees must not capture. Spirit controllers fail.
For that important time is most honourable, and most great.
Kho: I've heard it, too, and slightly believe it. But look:
seeming to walk on the night-water of that high mountain to the left,
the morning wears a red cape. We stop guarding.]
And I advise you: We confide all we have seen,
during the night, to young Khamlet. I will swear it:
The spirit which was silent to us is prepared to speak to Khamlet.
We must let him know it, for duty to our empire makes us do so,
and our love makes it necessary. Any disagreement?
M: We proceed, I ask you. And I know where we will find him,
during this morning. We go.
[They leave]
--
NON ME TENENT VINCVLA NON ME TENET CLAVIS STETIT PVELLA RVFA TVNICA SIQVIS
Nick Nicholas http://www.cs.mu.oz.au/~nsn Linguistics
QVAERO MEI SIMILES ET ADIVNGOR PRAVIS EAM TETIGIT TVNICA CREPVIT EIA
[email protected] University of Melbourne
ARCHIPOETAE CONFESSIO E CARMINIBVS BVRANIS