tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Tue Feb 14 14:58:55 1995
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Re: VALENTINE FOR QSEROHS!!!
- From: "Mark E. Shoulson" <[email protected]>
- Subject: Re: VALENTINE FOR QSEROHS!!!
- Date: Tue, 14 Feb 1995 17:58:52 -0500
- In-Reply-To: <[email protected]> (message from Christine Atherton on Tue, 14 Feb 1995 09:05:21 -0500)
>Date: Tue, 14 Feb 1995 09:05:21 -0500
>Originator: [email protected]
>From: Christine Atherton <[email protected]>
Looks like it's my job to do correction now....
> tIqwI' Daghajta'
Hmm. Using "-wI'" on "tIq" might be okay, considering it poetically, but
ordinarily one wouldn't consider hearts as sentient/speaking (even when
used as the metaphor common in English. I note that in your English
version you call the heart "it", which is often similar to Klingon
non-sentience---Tho NOT the same). I would have thought tIqwIj.
The -ta' here also doesn't work really well for me. It means "You've had
my heart (on purpose)." The "having" is considered finished, complete:
that's what -ta' signifies. That doesn't seem to be what you want to say.
> jIyInmeH tIqwI' DapolnIS
> tIqwI' Dachaghbe' 'e' qatlhob
Hmm. I think you're okay in not using tlhob as a verb of speaking, and it
does have the meaning of "request". You're using qa- as sort of shorthand
for "SoHvaD", and that's okay, since we know Okrand does it. I'm just
wondering if it might be better to be using a command here, to make it
clearer. Something like tIqwIj yIchaghQo'.
> 'ach reH tIqwI' DaqengtaH
,...because it's even more important here. As it stands, this sentence
means "But you always carry my heart", not "But always carry my heart."
You need an imperative.
> tIqlIjDaq jIyIn
> 'e' Dachaw'
> 'ej qatlho'
This works (and I note you have -lIj) Note that it is "you allow this" (as
you have) and not a command (which would have to be 'e' yIchaw').
~mark