tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sun Jan 06 12:57:23 2013
[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next]
Re: [Tlhingan-hol] mIl'oD veDDIr SuvwI': 'ay' 15 - pop 'oH ghob'e'
At 05:28 '?????' 1/6/2013, you wrote:
If anyone's still reading after my lengthy
absences, 'avtanDIl just buttered up roStevan
and promised that he would go to every boundary
of the Kol'vat Region to announce the joyous
news of tIna'tIn's accession to the throne.
Comments, criticism, and questions are as always most welcome.
vIlaDqangbej. lut chIlpu' De'wI'wIj 'e' vIHaj.
The language is quite dense and has to be
digested slowly in any language. Today I feel
like translating, as a way of showing you what I
get from reading, sharing the story with people
who wouldn't otherwise see it, and of opening my
own comprehension to scrutiny.
'ay' 15: pop 'oH ghob'e'
----------
ghIq voDleH vaS 'el SuvwI' net chaw';
And then the warrior was admitted to the Hall of the Emperor;
'utlh vuv ghaH 'ej tlho'meH mu'mey jatlh:
He respected the patriarch and spoke words of thanks:
«'o 'utlh, chonaDqu'ta'mo' choquvqu'moHneS! DaH
nuchevbogh 'IttaHghach ram'e' wovmoHjaj QI'tu',
'ej qablIj bel belqa'moHlu'pu'bogh vIlegh 'e' chaw'jaj.»
O Sire, your high commendations have honoured me
deeply! Let heaven illuminate the night of
depression which separates us, and let me see your face made joyous again."
[Consider Hurgh instead of ram there. Choosing
there between the adjective and noun meanings of
Hurgh would be simpler than those of ram. I also
couldn't find a way to cram an second instance of
bel into the English translation in a way that
added anything to the sentence. Does it have a
purpose that eludes me in the Klingon?]
DeSDajDaq ghaH tlhap roStevan 'ej paw'chu';
Rostevan took him in his arms and they
[demonstrated affection in a culturally appropriate manner].
tlhoS puqloDna'Daj rur 'avtanDIl.
Avtandil was almost like his real son.
chaH rurbogh chang'eng'e' not tu'lu'pu' ?
Qorghbogh vay', vay' Qorghlu'pu'bogh joq.
A twin like him had never been found--neither
someone who took care of him nor who had been cared for.
[I wonder if SaH is preferable to Qorgh here. I'm
not really getting the point of Qorghlu'pu'bogh as an asset.]
tagha' QamchoH SuvwI', 'ej mej.
At last the warrior stood up and left.
luchevlu'law'pu' chaH; 'avtanDIlvaD loQ SaQchoH
valqu'bogh 'ej quvqu'bogh roStevan.
They had been separated. The wisest and most
honoured roStevan shed a tear for Avtandil.
vaj mej 'avtanDIl, yItchu'bogh 'ej jaqchu'bogh SuvwI' yoH.
Thus Avtandil departed, a brave warrior who walked out freely and boldly.
cha'maH jaj lengtaH; pem law', ram law' je tay'moHchu'.
He travelled for twenty days; many days and nights indistinguishable.
not tIna'tIn'e', tIqDaj meQmoHtaHbogh be''e', Qubbe'choH;
He never stopped thinking of Tinatin, the woman who enflamed his heart.
[Not sure if that's a word, but I need to distinguish from inflamed.]
qo' bel ghaH tIna'tIn'e', mIp'a' wellu'bogh ghaH.
Tinatin was a pleasant world,. She was a fortune owed.
[Not sure I know what that means, but that's what it says.]
Dat jaHDI', lopqu'taH Sep nuvpu'. luqIH 'ej
lughom chuQun, 'ej nobmey wagh nobtaH.
Everywhere he went the region's people were
celebrating. They met him and the nobility
assembled and gave him [or possibly her, in trust] expensive gifts.
QIt lengbe'bej loD Qup'e', Dat paSbe'qu' jul rurbogh loD'e', nom lengtaHvIS.
The young man by no means travelled slowly. The
man who was like the sun was everywhere, not at all late, travelling quickly.
[Late for what? I know you're working with an overwrought original.]
nuvpu' lubelqu'choHmoHlu'chu', luqIHDI' 'ej ghaHDaq SumchoHDI'.
People became ecstatic on making his acquaintance, and when they came near him.
[wejpuH]
wo' veH nuvpu' ghIjlaHchu'bogh veng HoS'e' che' 'avtanDIl;
Avtandill ruled the powerful city that could terrify the borderland people.
[meqvetlh vIlaj.]
naghna' 'oH yergho'e', chenmoHlu'meH nagh'a' tIn lumutlhlu'ta'.
The city wall was known to be stone, constructed of large boulders.
[I'm not sure that's how mutlh works. Shouldn't
it be mutlhlu'meH nagh'a' tIn lughommoHlu'ta', or the like?]
veng loHmeH, qaStaHvIS wej jaj vengDaq ratlhtaH
ghaH chon taghpa', 'ej ghojwI'Daj SermaDInvaD ngupDaj nob 'avtanDIl.
He stayed three days to administrate the city
before the hunt, and Avtandil gave his cloak to his student Sermadin.
[Okay, now I'm confused. Is this a flashback to
Avtandil's role in administration of the royal
city before he left, or by virtue of his great
beauty and conversational skills he suddenly is
put in charge of a border city. Did you mean cho'
and not che' earlier? Did I miss something? Or
am I just failing to grasp the cultural context
that Avtandil simply possesses everything he passes through?]
nItebHa' toy'wI'vam'e' 'avtanDIl'e' je luQorghlu'pu';
Acting together the servant and Avtandil were cared for.
[I'm really lost now. Is he going hunting or is he being tended? By whom?]
'avtanDIlvaD matlhchu'taH, 'avtanDIl toy'ruptaH.
He was utterly loyal to Avtandil and ready to serve him.
[Oh, Avtandil has been in charge of this city all
along; it just hasn't come up until now. Or I forgot it?]
wej 'avtanDIl tIq meQmoHtaHbogh qul Sovbe'chu';
He did not yet know the extent of the fire burning in Avtandil's heart.
vaj DaH ghaHvaD 'avtanDIl jul, tIna'tIn, tulmoHbogh mu'mey 'ang 'avtanDIl.
Thus now Avtandil revealed to him [or her, that
could be awkward] the inspiring words of his sun Tinatin.
[or possibly it was Avtandil's words that were inspiring]
jatlh ghaH: «HIQoy, SermaDIn, ngoDvammo' jItuH SoHvaD 'e' vI'angnIS.
He said, "Hear me, Sermadin. I must reveal my shame to you.
Hoch SojwIj DaSovchu'; 'oH Daqelchu'ta' 'ej 'oHmo' choqeSchu'ta'.
"You know all my affairs; You have fully
considered them and advised me on them.
'ach muSaQqu'bogh ghu''e' wej DaSovchoHpu'!
"But you have not yet learned what makes me cry so.
mubechqu'moHpu'bogh be'vo' DaH tIqwIj DuQtaH
bel'a'. tIna'tInvaD muDuQtaH parmaqna';
Ecstasy from the woman who has made me suffer so
now pierces my heart. True love for Tinatin infuses my soul.
SeparDu'wIj bIrDaq pubchoH tIqwIj 'Iw tuj; wej
bepwIj vISo'pu'bogh vI'anglaHbe'pu'.
In my cold [body parts metaphorized as gemstones]
the warm blood of my heart comes to a boil. I
could not yet reveal the agony I had hidden.]
'ach DaH jItulchoHta' 'e' mura' be'vetlh, vaj jIbelchoH 'e' Dalegh.
But now I have taken hope again and that woman
commanded me, thus you see me become pleased.
mujatlh tIna'tIn: ?ngabta'bogh SuvwI' bopbogh
De''e' yIghoj, ghIq choghoS, 'ej tIqlIj parmaq vIpupmoH.
Tinatin told me, <Find out about the warrior who
disappeared and then come to me and I will perfect the love in your heart.
loDnalwI' Damoj SoH neH vIneH, latlh
vIneHbe'qu'; tIqwIjDaq lav pochbogh Sor'a' 'oH SanwIj'e'.?
I want only you to become my husband. I want no
other. My fate is a bush a great tree plants in
my heart. [Or possibly a great tree that planted
a bush in my heart. Trees planting bushes confuse me]>
jatlhpu'pa', tIqwIj baghlu'pu' 'ej vonlu'pu';
jatlhpu'DI', tIqwIj rachlu'pu' 'ej vorlu'pu'.»
"Before she said it my heart was tied and traped.
When she said it my heart was invigorated and cured."
----------
SKI: 'avtanDIl thanks roStevan for the
commendation, goes to make the announcements as
promised, and then returns to inform his pupil
SermaDIn that he intends to depart to carry out
the task that tIna'tIn has requested him to do.
You can see that I couldn't tell that he
returned. What did I miss there? Anyone see that more clearly?
_______________________________________________
Tlhingan-hol mailing list
[email protected]
http://stodi.digitalkingdom.org/mailman/listinfo/tlhingan-hol
![[KLI Member]](/pics/KLImemberbutton.gif "[KLI Member]"){kind=small}
![[Hol po'wI']](/pics/level3_big.png "[Hol po'wI']"){kind=small}