tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sun Jun 28 06:31:17 2009

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Re: Translation of short poem.

David Trimboli (david@trimboli.name) [KLI Member] [Hol po'wI']



qa'vaj wrote:
> I'm working on translating two short poems, one is famous, the other less
> so.  I've reached the endpoint of my own ideas for the first so here it is:
> 
>        weQwIj'e' er'InDaq megh'anDaq je meQtaH
>                         qaSpu'pa' ram lojba'
> 
>     'a juppu'wI' petu' 'ej jaghpu'wI' peSaH
>                         wovtaHvIS qu' HoSna'
> 
> 
> original:
> 
> My candle burns at both ends;
> It will not last the night;
> But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends-
> It gives a lovely light.
> 
> -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
> 
> 
> I decided to not be too literal with 'lovely'.
> 

If we play fast and loose with the grammar, we might be able to get both 
rhyme AND meter (more or less):

	meQ weQwIj 'er'In, megh'an;
	qaSpu'DI' ram lojba';
	'a jupwI' jaghwI' je, Hoch ngan—
	wovtaHvIS qu' HoSna'.

or

	weQwIj megh'an, 'erIn meQlu'
	qaSpu'DI' ram lojba';
	'a SuH jaghpu' 'ej SuH juppu'—
	wovtaHvIS qu' HoSna'.

If you fiddle with it some more, you might find other, better alternatives.

-- 
SuStel
tlhIngan Hol MUSH
http://trimboli.name/mush







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