tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Mon Jan 12 09:55:50 2004

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Re: weQqul's Urdu poem

Steven Boozer ([email protected]) [KLI Member] 

Voragh:
>    wa'Hu' chalvaD bI'Ip SoH.
>    DaHjaj jIghoS. 'IplIj jIH.
>
>    Yesterday *you* made an oath to the sky.
>    Today I come.  *I* am your oath.

weQqul:
>actually, i translated it incorrectly as well. it should have read 'some time
>ago', but as in tlhlngan Hol it really does not give a specific time, so i
>think i would go with ben just as in tlhlngan Hol qathlo'

The noun {ben} means "years ago" and is generally used with a number: e.g. 
{cha'vatlh ben} "two-hundred years ago".  I have seen people on this list 
(but not Okrand) use it alone to refer to an unspecified time in the past, 
but it may not be kosher - but, hey, this is poetry.  Since it's a noun, we 
-may- be able to use {'op} "some, an unknown or unspecified quantity" to 
preserve the 7-syllable count (if that's important to you):

   'op ben chalvaD bI'Ip SoH.
   Some years ago *you* made an oath to the sky.

If you prefer using just {ben}, then I would adjust the next line so that 
the number of syllables match (now 6):

   ben chalvaD bI'Ip SoH.
   DaH jIghoS.  'IplIj jIH.

   Years ago *you* made an oath to the sky.
   Now I come.  *I* am your oath.

>it also should have read 'your only promise' not just 'your promise'

Okay, we'll add {neH} "only, just" to the line following the noun it modifies:

   DaH jIghoS.  'IplIj neH jIH.
   Now I come.  *I* am your only oath.

and since we've added another syllable, we should use {'op} again:

   'op ben chalvaD bI'Ip SoH.
   DaH jIghoS.  'IplIj neH jIH.

   Some years ago *you* made an oath to the sky.
   Now I come.  *I* am your only oath.

Now: 1) the number of syllables in each line matches (7); 2) each line ends 
in the same consonant {H}; and 3) each line ends in a pronoun.  This is, 
admittedly, a rather mechanical analysis of this couplet - I'm certainly no 
poet! - but it shows just how tricky translating poetry can be, what with 
all this extra poetic considerations in addition to translating "merely" 
the grammar or surface meaning of the lines.



-- 
Voragh
Ca'Non Master of the Klingons

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