tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Mon Dec 23 13:13:11 2002
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Re: HayQu' updated
Se'noj:
>>Here is the corrected version from the last one, in light of these
>>suggestions.
>> moghoSmoH veS 'In
"War drums summon [cause me to go] me"?
Consider {may' 'In} "battle 'In". I read of "battle drums" in connection
with the Ottoman army over the weekend, which avoids the whole issue of
{veS} vs. {noH} as well as complementing several other constructions with
{may'}: {may' bom} "battle song", {may' qoch} "battle partner", {may' ta}
"record of battle", {may' taj} "battle knife", {may'Duj} "battle
cruiser",{may'luch} "battle gear, panoply, complete set of armor and
weapons" and {may'morgh} "battle array".
>> SuvmeH jIH moghoSchoHmoH
>> jISuvnIS lupoQ
taD:
>Typo correction: You misremembered the prefix {mu-} as *{mo-}*.
>
>Personally, if I was writing these as fully-grammatical sentences, I
>probably would have written the last 2 lines as: {jISuvmeH mughoSchoHmoH}
This is good, as it preserves the 7 syllable line. (Correct me if I'm
wrong, but the number of syllables in a three-line haiku is supposed to be
5-7-5, qar'a'?)
> {jISuvnIS 'e' lupoQ}
>However, since it's a haiku, I think it works fine here, even if it cuts
>some corners grammatically.
>
>I believe that a lesser-known constraint of haiku is that the last line
>also makes reference to one of the seasons. We don't know words for the
>seasons in Klingon (or even if they have 4 of them), but you might be able
>to imply one of the seasons (perhaps by mentioning the heat, snow,
>vegetation, etc.) You could try fitting this reference in somehow, by
>removing {-nIS} or {lupoQ} from the last line. I think {-nIS} is a bit
>redundant here, since
> {jISuv lupoQ} "They demand [that] I fight"
I agree about dropping {-nIS}, but don't omit {'e'} if you use {lu-} "the
[do something] to him/her/it":
jISuv 'e' lupoQ
This also preserves the 5-syllable line.
So putting both our suggestions together, we get:
mughoSmoH may' 'In (5)
jISuvmeH mughoSchoHmoH (7)
jISuv 'e' lupoQ (5)
--
Voragh "Damage control is easy. Reading
Klingon--that's
Ca'Non Master of the Klingons hard!" (Montgomery Scott to
Kirk, STIV)