tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Mon Dec 23 13:13:11 2002

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Re: HayQu' updated

>>Here is the corrected version from the last one, in light of these 
>>   moghoSmoH veS 'In

"War drums summon [cause me to go] me"?

Consider {may' 'In} "battle 'In".  I read of "battle drums" in connection 
with the Ottoman army over the weekend, which avoids the whole issue of 
{veS} vs. {noH} as well as complementing several other constructions with 
{may'}: {may' bom} "battle song", {may' qoch} "battle partner", {may' ta} 
"record of battle", {may' taj} "battle knife", {may'Duj} "battle 
cruiser",{may'luch} "battle gear, panoply, complete set of armor and 
weapons" and {may'morgh} "battle array".

>>   SuvmeH jIH moghoSchoHmoH
>>   jISuvnIS lupoQ

>Typo correction: You misremembered the prefix {mu-} as *{mo-}*.
>Personally, if I was writing these as fully-grammatical sentences, I 
>probably would have written the last 2 lines as:  {jISuvmeH mughoSchoHmoH}

This is good, as it preserves the 7 syllable line.  (Correct me if I'm 
wrong, but the number of syllables in a three-line haiku is supposed to be 
5-7-5, qar'a'?)

>   {jISuvnIS 'e' lupoQ}
>However, since it's a haiku, I think it works fine here, even if it cuts 
>some corners grammatically.
>I believe that a lesser-known constraint of haiku is that the last line 
>also makes reference to one of the seasons. We don't know words for the 
>seasons in Klingon (or even if they have 4 of them), but you might be able 
>to imply one of the seasons (perhaps by mentioning the heat, snow, 
>vegetation, etc.) You could try fitting this reference in somehow, by 
>removing {-nIS} or {lupoQ} from the last line. I think {-nIS} is a bit 
>redundant here, since
>    {jISuv lupoQ} "They demand [that] I fight"

I agree about dropping {-nIS}, but don't omit {'e'} if you use {lu-} "the 
[do something] to him/her/it":

   jISuv 'e' lupoQ

This also preserves the 5-syllable line.

So putting both our suggestions together, we get:

    mughoSmoH may' 'In     (5)
    jISuvmeH mughoSchoHmoH (7)
    jISuv 'e' lupoQ        (5)

Voragh                            "Damage control is easy. Reading 
Ca'Non Master of the Klingons      hard!"         (Montgomery Scott to 
Kirk, STIV)

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