tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Wed Mar 24 18:43:37 1999
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RE: KLBC: an ancient battle
- From: "Andeen, Eric" <[email protected]>
- Subject: RE: KLBC: an ancient battle
- Date: Wed, 24 Mar 1999 19:46:01 -0700
jatlh Lorenzo:
> Hello again.
nuqneH?
> HatlhDaQ pawpu' la'.
> The commander arrived near the city.
You've misspelled <-Daq> here and a few other places.
This is "The commander arrived in/at the countryside". <Hatlh> is "country"
or "countryside"; "city" is <veng>. If you want to say "near the city", go
with <veng retlhDaq> or maybe <veng HurDaq>.
Also, I think the word you want here for "commander" is <ra'wI'> rather than
<la'>. <la'> correspons to the Terran navy rank of "commander", right
between "leiutenant" and "captain". <ra'wI'> is really more like "commanding
officer", and is used to refer to whoever is in charge.
> jaghmey mejneHbe' HIvqang.
> He decides to assault it to leave no enemy behind.
This one is difficult. "leave behind" is very much an Enlish idiom and it
doesn't make any sense in Klingon. Better instead to say something like <HIv
'ej Hoch jaghpu' HoHchu' 'e' wuq>.
> may'morgh luchenmoH 'e' SuvwI'pu' ra' ghaH.
> He orders the soldiers to prepare for the battle.
This is more like "He orders the soldiers into formation", which is fine. If
you want to be closer to the English, go with:
SuvwI'pu' ra' ghaH. jatlh <peSuvrupchoH!>.
He commands the warriors. He says "Prepare for Battle!".
> HatlhDaQ 'oH bIQtIq.
> There was a river near the city.
A pronun like <'oH> doesn't work for "there is". The usual Klingon way to
say "there is" is to use <tu'lu'> - literally "one finds":
vengDaq bIQtIq tu'lu'.
> bIQtIqDaQ ghuH nawlogh 'e' ra' la':
> Haw'rup jaghpu' Qubmo'.
> The commander orders that a group of warriors waits near
> the river, because he thinks that the enemies are ready to escape.
The <-mo'> clause should probably go at the beginning of the sentence. I
think <loS> - "wait" or "wait for" - is better than <ghuH> here.
Haw'rup jaghpu' Qubmo' ra'wI', bIQtIq retlhDaq loS nawlogh 'e' ra'.
> ramjep Hatlhvo' jaHtaH jaghpu'.
> At night the enemies exit from the city.
<veng> instead of <Halth> again, of course. The <-taH> suffix doesn't make
much sense on <jaH> in this sentence. At midnight, the enemy is continuously
leaving the city? One suffix that does make sense, though, is <-choH> - at
midnight, the enemy *starts* leaving. I also think that <mej> is better than
<jaH>. It's more specific.
ramjep vengvo' mejchoH jaghpu'.
> la' qeng negh.
> The scouts inform the commander.
<qeng> is "carry, convey", and does not work here. What are they conveying?
We have a very nice word - <ja'> meaning "tell" for this. If you want to get
more elaborate, you could use <SovmoH> - "inform" or "cause to know". <negh>
is also probably not the best choice here. <negh> means "soldiers", as in
the whole group as a unit. If you want to say "scouts", you could use
<nejwI'pu'> - "searchers" or <bejwI'pu'> - "watchers", depending on the
situation.
ra'wI' ja' bejwI'. - "A lookout told the commander".
> vaj, Hatlh lojmIt meQmoH, HatlhDaq SuvwI'pu' mejpu'bogh ngeH la'.
> Therefore, burned the doors of the city, the commander sends into
> to city the soldiers that he left behind.
This is two sentences, and I have to wonder a bit about what you mean. Do
you mean that the commander (and the soldiers) burned the doors and then
entered the city? Were the doors already burned? loQ jIyajbe'. I'll assume
it's the former in my comments.
<meQ> is one of those funny verbs that works both ways: both <meQ qach> -
"the building is burning" and <to'waQ meQ vutwI'> - "the cook burns the
tendon" are legal. So you don't need the <-moH> here.
vaj veng lojmIt meQ. - Thus he burned the city gates.
I also don't really understand which soldiers are where at this point. Who
are "the soldiers he left behind"? I think he is ordering the soldiers to
enter the city:
... 'ej veng lu'el negh 'e' ra'.
> Hatlh jon SuvwI'pu' 'ej law' qampu'chaj.
> The warriors capture the city and they take many prisoners.
<veng> again, of course. For the second half, "their prisoners are many"
just sounds a bit odd. How about <qama'pu' law' jon>?
> Hatlh Qaw'moH la' 'ej SuvwI'pu'vaD tev nob ghaH.
> The commander burns the city and gives the prize to the soldiers.
<Qaw'> is "destroy", not "be destroyed", so you need to drop the <-moH>.
Same comments as before about <veng> and <ra'wI'>. The rest is good.
nuq 'oH tev'e'? veng 'oH'a'? mIp 'oH'a'? be'pu' lujonlu'pu'bogh 'oH'a'?
> (Caes.: d.B.Gal. VII )
pagh
Beginners' Grammarian