RE: KLBC bom cha'DIch 'e' qon - ghItlh wa'DIch

["Andeen, Eric" <Eric.Andeen@Sequencia.com>]

jatlh Qor'etlh:

> jatlh jIH:
>>> bom cha'DIch'e' qon:

jIjatlh:
>> qon 'Iv?

> qon jIH. qar'a'?

vaj moHaq Dalo'nIS: <jIjatlh> <vIqon>.

>>> 'ach taDmoH Dir HoSHa',
>>> And though the cold brittles the flesh,
>> I don't understand what <HoSHa'> is doing here. If it's 
>> meant to represent "the cold", it doesn't work. <-Ha'> 
>> is a verb suffix, so attaching it to the noun <HoS> 
>> doesn't work. <muD bIrqu'> is probably best.
> HoS is also a verb (sorry, it's one of those).

It is indeed a verb as well as a noun, but while you're using it as a noun,
you cannot use a verb suffix.

>> Finally, the <'ach> does not make much sense here. 
>> It probably goes with the next line.
> Yes, more so, but I wanted these to match in 
> cadence, as well as inference.
>
> I was working on a verb based phrase, not the literal 
> translation of the English. I also need to follow the 
> 'sound', matching the number of syllables, as much as 
> possible. I'm going to be speaking this part, at the 
> same time as someone else is telling the English
> "translation."

This is where I cannot help. I am always willing to help with grammar,
meaning, and even style, but I don't usually have the ability or the
interest to deal with poetic things like meter.

> DIr taDmoH muD bIrqu',

>>> Qu'tlhegh'e' ghorQo'.
>>> The chain of duty cannot be broken,
>> <Qu'tlhegh> is fine, although you could also 
>> consider <Qu' mIr>. 

> Yes, well here again, I'm going for a more Klingon 
> meaning, and not necessarily a literal translation. 
> While {mIr}; chain, is more accurate, I've found 
> {-tlhegh} is used more often to describe more lines, 
> chains-of-command, and other components in our 
> language.

I suggested <mIr> because it's not often used, so you might not have thought
of it. For this sort of thing, I would only use <mIr> if I wanted to
strongly identify with the metaphor of a heavy, clanking metal chain. If
that is not your intention, then <tlhegh> is definitely better.

> I could use opinions from the Peanut Gallery 
> on this matter.

KLBC Dalo'mo', jIjang jIH neH net chaw'. jIjangta'DI', jangchoHlaH latlhpu'.

>> There may be a problem with <ghorQo'>, though. 
>> What does the English mean? The stumbling block 
>> is the "cannot". Does that mean that nothing can 
>> break it? 
> ghobe'

>> Does it really mean "must not", in that some 
>> entity commands or requires that it not be broken? 
> HISlaH!
> Duty demands that the chain remain unbroken.

>> Does it mean that the unspecified subject refuses 
>> to break it. Based on the rest of the text, I 
>> suspect it is the first. Adding the <'ach> from above:
>> 'ach Qu'tlhegh'e' ghorlaH pagh,
> Yes, ok, nothing can break it.

> I'll have to stew on this. More later today.

It sounds like you need to think on this one a bit more. Nothing wrong with
that - it took me about a year and a half to come up with the climax in the
story I have been writing.


pagh
Beginners' Grammarian

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