tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Tue Apr 20 09:25:29 1999

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Re: My fight!

Koraxis K'Dor wrote:

>I joined this list and watched for some time. I wrote a little "fight"
>song. It is my first piece. I would be honored if someone would critique the
>"Klingonese" and point out my errors! I used my Dictionary and pojwI' for
>windows created by d'Armand Speers.

Since you didn't flag this KLBC, I'll do you the honor.  You say you've
been lurking for a while so I assume you know when to flag it for the
Beginning Grammarian.

>nIteb jIQam.
>I stand alone.


>jaghpu' muDech, Dk'taghhwIj jIvaHHa'.
>My enemies surround me, I unsheath my Dk'tagh.

	muDech jaghpu', DaqtaghhwIj vIlel.

{vaH} "holster, sheath, knife-case" is a noun.  Unlike English, you can't
easily use nouns as verbs in Klingon.  Use the verbs {lel} "get out, take
out" or {teq} "remove".  Okrand hasn't used either of these in context, so
I'm not sure which would be more appropriate here.

Also, don't forget to use the object prefix {vI-} "I do something to it" on
whatever verb you choose.  See the explanation in TKD 4.1.1 (p.34).

>muchol, vIloS, vIlul.
>They come for me, I wait, I fight them.

maj.  One point:  {vIloS} is "I wait for/expect them" vs. {jIloS} "I wait"
(no object).  Nice use of {lul} - must be a really fierce, major battle.

>may' 'ej yay jIwup. 
>Battle and triumph I burst into song

Not sure what this means but, hey, it's poetry.  Repunctuated this becomes:

	may' yay je.  jIwup. 
	Battle and triumph. I burst into song.

{'ej} is used between verbs and clauses, {je} follows a list of nouns.

>'Iwchaj nguvmoH che'ron
>Their blood stains the battlefield.

	che'ron nguvmoH 'Iwchaj 

Good imagery.  Remember Klingon word order is Object-Verb-Subject, the
opposite of English.  Read chapter 6 on syntax in the Dictionary.

>tIqchaj jISop. 
>I eat their heart.

	tIqchaj vISop.

A very Klingon idiom.  Use {vI-} "I do something to it" again.

>I am happy!


>juH jIghoS 'ej jIleS.
>I go home and rest.

maj.  FYI {juH vIghoS} may also be possible.  Okrand has on occasion used
the object prefixes with {ghoS}, though he more often uses the "no-object"

A nice first effort.  I look forward to reading your next {may' bom}.

Ca'Non Master of the Klingons 

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