tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Fri Mar 20 20:06:34 1998
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Re: My First Try
- From: Qov <[email protected]>
- Subject: Re: My First Try
- Date: Fri, 20 Mar 1998 20:04:29 -0800
At 22:45 98-03-17 -0800, Tony wrote:
}
} My girlfriend wants to hear some Klingon poetry. This is my first
}attempt. After you are done laughing I could use some constructive critisim
}as to how I can improve. Thanks.
Poetry often deliberately defies language rules, but when you must first
learn the rules in order to defy them, so I will mark this up without regard
to any poetic effect or constraints of meter you may be working with. I
won't comment much on the actual poetry.
Next time you post, please include the English version of what you are
working to say, so that I don't have to guess.
Follow up and ask if anything is not explained here to your understanding.
Tony
}Hovmey mInlIj
See section 6.3 for how to say "thing X is thing Y." To say "your eyes are
the stars" use {Hovmey bIH mInlIj'e'}.
}ghoch tIqwIj
"my heart tracks them down"
A mixed metaphor, considering they were stars in the last line, but no
grammar problems.
}HotlIj mum 'ey'
Something wrong here. {Hot} is a verb, meaning feel/touch. It makes no
sense with a noun suffix. {'ey} is a verb 'be delicious'. There is no
{'ey'} as far as I know. And {mum} is a verb 'perceive flavour'. So you
want to say something about being delicious, but you're lacking the
grammatical glue to say what.
}baH munatlh
I can guess you want "fire consumes me."
{baH} is a verb "fire" as in fire a torpedo. The noun for the light and
heat emitted on combustion is {qul}. Read section 6.1 to see that the
subject of the sentence must go after the verb {munatlh qul} "fire consumes
me." Good prefix.
}chochargh
"you conquer me" maj.
}jupwI 'e' bang
Perhaps you want to say "my friend and lover"? The noun conjunction "and"
is {je} and it goes after all the nouns joined. {jupwI' bangwI' je}
}chonarghpa' choghospa'
{S} not "s"
"before you me escape, before you approach me"
I translated that "me escape" because I'm not sure that "me" works as the
object of either "escape" or appear". Say {jIHvo' bInargh} "You escape
from me" or {jIHvaD bInargh} "You appeared to me."
}jIjech
"I disguise" ? Maybe you meant to type {jach} or {jegh}?
Qov [email protected]
Beginners' Grammarian