tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sat Nov 22 10:26:49 1997
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Re: KLBC: Mole's tale
ja' Scott Murphy:
>Why Mole Lives Underground, a Cherokee tale
Now that Qov, our esteemed Beginners' Grammarian, has responded to your
story, I'd like to make some comments too.
>parbogh be' parHa' loD.
The first sentence is a little hard to understand at first glance. The
{parbogh be'} "woman who dislikes" doesn't obviously refer to her not
liking the man. When this idea is stated in English, the word "man" is
near the beginning of the sentence, and a later clause can refer to it
obliquely. But in Klingon, {loD} comes at the end, and the reader has
to wait until finishing the entire sentence before realizing that there
is a blank spot at the beginning that can be filled in.
While Klingon word order is in general the reverse of English, sentences
are still read from left to right. Someone who translates before trying
to understand might not notice the problem, but those reading the Klingon
directly will have a harder time understanding it.
I would have used two sentences to express this:
{be' parHa' loD, 'ach loD par be'}
>tlho'Daj ghajmeH Hoch nID loD
Since {loD} was the subject of the previous sentence, I'm inclined to
remember it first when I see {tlho'Daj}, and I infer "his gratitude".
Only after I've had a chance to read and consider the entire sentence
do I realize that you're talking about the woman's gratitude. When you
translate from English to Klingon, sometimes you don't notice when the
ambiguities creep in; the lack of a his/her distinction is one of the
concepts that need to be remembered.
>'ach Qapla' ghajbe' ghaH.
As a purely stylistic matter, I try to avoid using {ghaj} when another
verb works. One of the distinctive features of English is its reliance
on verbs like "be" and "have" along with nouns, and I don't think Klingon
sounds natural when it echoes that usage. Instead of {Qapla' ghaj}, I'd
just say {Qap}.
The rest of your story shows that you have a good understanding of the
grammar and some skill at translating words. I think you'll come to have
an appreciation for the kinds of problems I pointed out in your first two
sentences after you've read more, which I hope you do.
-- ghunchu'wI'