tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Mon May 06 14:39:29 1996
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Klingon networks [CKNE]
- From: "David Wood" <[email protected]>
- Subject: Klingon networks [CKNE]
- Date: Mon, 6 May 1996 17:39:02 -0400 (EDT)
>I was trying to think of a way to express something like the internet
>or the world wide web in tlhIngan Hol. The best I could come up with
>was qo' De'wI' pat. I thought about trying to include Dechbogh in
>the phrase, but couldn't figureout how to put it in. It seemed kind
>of unneeded when I thought about it so I left it out. What do ya'll
>think?
Your term meaning "world computer system" implies one system, and the InterNet
and WWW are anything but one system. The 'net is an agglomeration of systems,
all tied together through each other.
A typical computer network would be a {De'wI'ghom}. From that, a small network
(a few devices using networking protocols, as you might find a computer and a
few printers on) would be a {De'wI'ghomHom} and a large network (possibly on the
InterNet scale) would be {De'wI'ghom'a'} or, failing that, {qo' De'wI'ghom'a'}
But that's hardly the end of it.
A Klingon would be most confused not by the notion of a network (they probably
have 'em too). What would confuse him is the Terran implementation. Consider the
terms "client" and "server:" it implies that the thing in charge of the network
is serving the other computers hooked to it. Klingons think in terms of leaders
and followers, and it's not right that the leader "serve."
The Klingon terms I'd suggest:
{pIn'a'}...................................."master" (the Terran "server")
{toy'wI''a'}................................"slave" (the Terran "client")
Now, when two Klingons decide that their computers should share information, the
operators define parameters for the connection: speeds to run at, number of
available connection ports, and things like that. Then they connect, and things
start getting sticky.
{De'wI' muv De'wI'}........................."Computer joins computer"
In the very first handshake, the two computers begin a {De' may'} ("data
battle"), deciding which system has better hardware and arguing over which
information each is willing to divulge, and all manner of other details of the
connection. They are arguing over which computer is more powerful, and what
rights the winner gets.
The loser becomes the {toy'wI''a'} and has to do whatever the {pIn'a'} demands.
If the {toy'wI''a'} needs some information, it has to make a request of the
{pIn'a'}, who is not obliged to grant it. But they are networked. Really. Just
ask the winner.
In the case that neither concedes in the {De' may'}, the connection fails and
the operators have to network themselves with a quick {mu'qaD veS}.
(naDev *Paranoia* Quj 'Iv? yIghuHtaH! Hoch yIvoqHa�taH! �uD�a�lIj yIpolbeHtaH!)
{De'wI'ghom muv De'wI'}....................."Computer joins network"
In case a computer wants to join an already established network, it finds an
open port as close to the master as possible, and then connects to that
computer. The {De' may'} begins as usual, but this time they're in it for far
more: the link into the network.
If they fail to connect, it'll try connecting to the network through another
system, and keep trying until no computer on the network wants anything to do
with it. Then the operator, getting a clue (attached to the back of his
commander's hand, usually), makes his system's demands less stringent and tries
again.
(I was going to call the process "humbling" one's computer, but I couldn't find
a word for humility, and {tuHmoH} ("shame") doesn't seem to convey the same
thing.)
If there is a winner, it gets REALLY sticky. It receives the link to the parent
node in the network, and as many systems as possible move from the loser up to
the winner!
Migration of systems to as close to the {pIn'a'} is an important and
long-accepted part of Klingon networking: the fewer systems there are between
you and the master, the fewer systems there are that can refuse a request from
your system.
For this reason, "challenges" are not uncommon: if during operations in a
network the operator thinks his system has an edge (the other computer is
operating near capacity), it can initiate the {De' may'} spontaneously, and
insert itself between its master and its master's master. During battle
situations, when the computer power is really needed for more important things,
spontaneous {De' may'mey} are not permitted.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, is there anyone here who still doubts my insanity?
-- David Wood, Freelance Computer Consultant
("Freelance" is just a cheesy way of saying "Irregularly Employed")