tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Fri Feb 02 22:12:06 1996
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Re: KLBC - jInID
- From: [email protected] (Alan Anderson)
- Subject: Re: KLBC - jInID
- Date: Sat, 3 Feb 1996 02:13:15 -0500
Dochmey wrote:
>I awoke from a lyrical dream in Klingon. I've written down as much of it as
>I could before the change in consciousness wiped it away. I doubt it's
>another Khubla Khan, but I thought I'd share it with you.
wejpuH. HewIjDaq bom vItu'qa'.
> A rough attempt at
>an English translation follows. Comments from the BG are desperately
>desired, and anyone else once he's had a shot. Thanks!
As you wish.
>boghpa' wo', HurghtaHvIS Hoch,
>reH cha'leS rurDI' cha'Hu'
>vaj 'u' HeHDaq najlI' HoSDo'pu'
maj. 'IHlaw'. <vaj> Dange'laH 'e' vIHar.
This is very nice. I don't see a need for {vaj} on the last line, though.
>SurchemmeyDaq Qonglaw.loghDaq yInlaH.
>vumlaHe' 'ej chImtaHghachDaq bIr jatlhlaHbe'.
>'ach, najbej.
<vumlaHbe'> DaghItlh 'e' DaHechba'.
{chImtaHghach} does mean "emptiness", but I don't think it should be used
the way you have used it here. This kind of "emptiness" is not a place,
but a condition. You might say {chImtaHwI'}, using {-wI'} as "thing which
is", to mean "continuously deserted thing", or be less poetic and simply
refer to a cold, empty place.
When a verb is used following a noun in an adjectival sense, type 5 noun
suffixes such as {-Daq} are placed on the verb, not the noun (see TKD
section 4.4).
>QongtaHvIS lanmey Dun Such'a'?
>no' wIch qanqu' ghojta'a'
>QongtaHbe'mo' wISovlaHbe'.
{lan} is a verb, not a noun; you probably want to say {Daqmey} on the
first line. There's a verb in the dictionary for "be ancient": {tIQ}.
(It's right after {no'} "ancestors".)
>vemDI' paghDaq jachHa'.
>jachHa' 'ej SIQlaHbe'.
>jachHa' 'ej muH'egh.
>Heghlah'a' HoSDo'? qIt'a'?
>vISovbe'. qaSDI'wanI' cha'leS rurchu' cha'Hu'
Except for that odd word {jachHa'}, this seems fine. I guess "unscream"
is a bit too poetic for my tastes -- it doesn't suggest anything to me.
All in all, this is well done. Whether it's "good" or not is probably a
matter of opinion. As for me, I like it. (Who are you, by the way?)
-- ghunchu'wI' batlh Suvchugh vaj batlh SovchoH vaj