tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Thu Dec 05 20:06:39 1996

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RE: story, part 3



December 04, 1996 10:09 PM, jatlh Deborah Kay:

> lut 'ay' wejDIch vIlI'.  (I know there are some rough spots here.  
> Grammarians, thank you for your suggestions and corrections.  I read them 
all. 
>  SuStel, only seven parts to go after this!)

qay'be'!

> pawpa' jajlo', vem be'nI'pu' 'ej Sutchaj tuQmoH.

It's funny you should use the word {tuQmoH} . . . !

> vavchajvaD ja'.  chaHvaD betleHmey chu' tajmey chu' je nob.  
> "reH retlhrajDaq  tIpol," jatlh vavchaj.

Hmmm . . . "Always keep them next to you" does sound a little strange, but 
then again, that's exactly what he means, in a technical sort of way . . .  
I'm probably just being paranoid.

> vItpu' DareS.  qaStaHvIS jaj chaHvaD jach vav.
> qet chaH 'ej Suv 'ej QI' Dup paq lulaD 'ej qetqa' 'ej Suvqa' .
> leS 'e' chaw'be vav.
> nom vavchaj lob be'nI'pu' 'ach reH belHa' vavchaj.

{lulob}.

> luyonmoHlaHbe' puqbe'Daj.
> "yIruchqa'," jatlhtaH vavchaj.
> ghIrpu'DI' juHHov, vaj leS ghaH 'e' chaw' vavchaj.

{leS chaH}.  Aha!  That's a good way to say "When the sun has set"!

> Hur raQHey lucher.

This means "They set up what seems to be an outside military camp."  There's 
no reason I can see to assume that a military camp and a two-woman camp in the 
wilderness have anything to do with each other.  What you tried to do is use 
the {-Hey} suffix to try to make this connection.  It doesn't.  (Neither would 
{-qoq}.)  I'd just say {HurDaq QongDaq cher} "They set up beds outside."  In 
cases where there is a fire, I might say {HurDaq qul retlhDaq je QongDaq 
cher}.

> Doy'qu' ghaH 'ej SoplaHbe'.

{chaH}, not {ghaH}.

> chaHvaD mopmey lang nob vavchaj 'ej bIrmo' ram taDbej be'nI'pu'.
> nIteb mejmoH vav.

"Father causes them to leave alone."  This is fine, but it doesn't match your 
English exactly.  That was more like {mej vav vaj mob chaH}.

> Hovmey bingDaq jatlhchuq be'Hompu'.

I don't know if {jatlhchuq} makes any sense ("speak each other"), but we know 
that {ja'chuq} does.

> jatlh pe'lora, "'oy' porghwIj naQ."
> jatlh velqa, "jI'oy' je.  
> 'ach nuHoSghajchoHba' 'oy'maj."

{-moH}, not {-choH}.  {nuHoSghajmoHba'}.

> "SuvwI'pu' DImoj wIneHmo', nupar vav 'e' DaQub'a'?" tlhob pe'lora.
> "ghobe', numuSHa'bej.  vav DavoqnIS," pe'lora qawmoH velqa.
> ram muDDaq cholchuq benI'pu' ej Qong.
> nIbchu' Hoch jaj.  QIt qaS DIS.
> puqbe'DajvaD jatlh vav, "SuvwI' yIn qelbogh Sovna' boghaj.
>  batlh Suvangmo' jIHem.  MajQa'.    

Typo!

> DaH QI''ampaS la'a'vaD Dochmey boSovbogh bo'angnIS.

Perhaps {laH} would be a better word than {Doch}.  {Doch} is so . . . 
ordinary.

> la'a' vISuchmo' DaHjaj SuleSlaH."
> 
> mon vengDaq leng vav pe'lora velqa je.
> QI' 'ampaS ghoS 'ej la''a'vaD jatlh.

Either make {QI' 'ampaS} one or two words.  Above, you made it one.  I think 
two works better.

> "SuvwI'pu' mojmeH DuSaQlijDaq chIDrup puqbe'pu'wI'.

I really think that {chID} refers to "admit" as in "I admit my mistakes."  In 
fact, that's exactly where I've seen it.  TKW p. 212: {QaghmeylIj tIchID, 
yIyoH}.

I'd probably say this as {SuvwI'pu' mojmeH DuSaQlIjDaq HaDrupchoH 
puqbe'pu'wI'.}

> mon 'ej jatlh la''a', "naDev HaD pagh be'."
> "vISov, 'ach yapbej Sovchaj.  tIyu' 'ej manghompu' DawIvbogh Suv 
> be'Hompu'wI'."

That typo there threw me for a minute.  You meant to write {mangHom}, but I 
though you meant {mangghom} until I looked up your translation.

> "not Qu'mey vInobbogh ta'bej be'Hompu',"  Qub la''a'.
> IlHa'taHvIS, vavchajvaD jatlh la''a',"jIQochbe'."

Had to turn on a different font to read that one.  You missed the initial 
glottal stop on {'IlHa'taHvIS}.

> "wa'leS vIqem," jang DareS.

majQa', Deborah!

-- 
SuStel
Beginners' Grammarian
Stardate 96930.7


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