tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Wed Oct 26 13:51:59 1994

Back to archive top level

To this year's listing



[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next]

Re: TRY #2



According to [email protected]:

> Another attempt:
> 
> Translated From the Rubiyat:

Ambitious, that.

> ghItlhlI' nItlh vIH 'ej

The use of {vIH} as an adjectival is controversial, though not
unjustifiable. Less controversial, though perhaps less poetic
would have been:

ghItlh vIHbogh nItlh 'ej...

> ghItlhpu'DI' vIHqa'

maj.

> mu'tlhegh bID teqlahbe' voqgachlIj je po'gachlIj

Unless you speak the same dreadful dialect used in ST5, You
have misplaced {je}. Also, your use of {-ghach} falls into the
category that Okrand would probably call "strange". Even if one
accepts the use of the suffix, perhaps one could choose better
words for "piety and wit". For the closest parallel to piety
for a Klingon, I choose {quv}. For "wit", I choose
{valtaHghach}. The {-taH} serves both grammar and syntax, since
wit sustains a state of cleverness. Given these:

mu'tlhegh bID teqlaHbe' quvlIj valtaHghachlIj je.

> mu' teqlahbe' 'IQgachlIj

Here, I might suggest:

mu' teqlaHbe' 'IQlI'ghachlIj.

Basically, the sadness has a goal, and a clear end point, if
one aims it at taking back words. For this, I use {-lI'}
instead of {-taH}.

> the English-Hol Translation:
> 
> The moving finger writes
> And having writ moves on
> Nor all thy piety nor wit
> Shall lure it back to cancel half a line
> Nor all thy tears wash out a word of it
> 
> Even if my grammer is correct, I know
> The translation lacks some of the symbolism
> of the English version.  Then again, as the
> English version is a translation, mine might not be
> so bad.

This is why poetry is the most difficult form to translate.

> jIghosta' jIleghpu' jIcharghta'
> 
> Rob >>:+{]

charghwI'



Back to archive top level