tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sat Jul 09 06:44:25 1994
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Re: KLBC: Run Like Hell
- From: d'Armond Speers <[email protected]>
- Subject: Re: KLBC: Run Like Hell
- Date: Sat, 09 Jul 1994 18:40:48 -0400 (EDT)
**** KLBC ****
This is a long post, so the weak of heart should stop here.
b'retvo':
>OK, since my version of "Hand" was really bad :( I decided to try a more
>klingonesque(sorry) song. "Run Like Hell" from "The Wall" .
I hope I was not too discouraging in my comments on your first
translation attempt; the most important thing is to keep trying,
and to learn from your efforts!
I'll put my general comments first, followed by comments
to specific lines below. First off, nice work! This is
an ambitious project, and at this rate, you'll be joining
one of the translation projects in no time! Looking at the
original song, and comparing it to your English interpretation
(which you use for the translation to Klingon), you've
definitely got the idea of recasting to a Klingon frame of
mind. I especially like the Romulans!
> QI'tu'Homna' parHa' yIget
>
>I took the word QI'tu' (paradise) added the suffix -Hom (diminutive)
>thus diminishing paradise, (almot a not paradise) and then added the na'
>(definite) thus coming up with, definite opposite of paradise.
{-Hom}, the diminutive, does not translate to "opposite." It
just means something like "little version of."
>It was the closest thing to hell that I could find.
We do have, from the addendum of TKD, {ghu''or}, "netherworld."
Also, I think you mean {yIqet} instead of *{yIget}, which you
use throughout.
Okay, now, think about what you're trying to say there.
"Run like hell." The verb {parHa'} means "to like," as in,
I like to fight. "Like" in your title, I believe, means
"in the manner of," more appropriately translated with {Da}.
Now, you get: {ghu''or DaDa ....}. I'll leave the rest up to
you to figure out as an exercise. (Hint: it's not as simple
as adding {yIqet} to the end).
>PART 1:
>yIget (yelled 16 times)
>qablIj yIchoHqu' jechlIj wa'Dich
The first two words form a good tlhIngan Hol sentence: "you
change your face." The next two words are in a subject
position, and are looking for a verb. They can't go with
{choH}, because it already has a subject: {yI-}. I suggest:
{jechlIj wa'DIch rurmeH qablIj yIchoHqu'}. Don't
be discouraged! Notice, our sentences are almost identical,
except for the order, and one word. You have
to put the purpose clause first, as per TKD 6.2.4.
>wuSDu'lIj DaSoQmoH 'ej mInDu'lIj DaleghtaHbe'
You've got the right idea with the first sentence there,
"you close your lips." But look what happens with the
second sentence. You have: "You do not see your eyes." The
{Da-} prefix includes an object "him/her/it/them," and
"your eyes" are in object position. The simplest answer is
to use the same verb as the first sentence; your eyes can be
closed as much as your lips can.
>QuchtaH DachIm 'ej tIqlIj Daghung
I'm glad you gave us the translation, because otherwise I'm
not sure I could parse this! First off, {QuchtaH} is a verb,
and you are using it as a noun. For happiness, you need the
nominalizer suffix {-ghach}: {Quchghach} or {QuchtaHghach}.
(There's a devil in these details, but I won't go into it.)
Now, do you want "your empty happiness" or "your happiness is
empty"? Either {QuchghachlIj chIm} or {chIm QuchghachlIj}; one
is a complete sentence, one is not.
Notice, the possessive "your" is shown by the suffix {-lIj}, not
the prefix {Da-}. See TKD 3.3.4.
Now, apply these comments to the second sentence, and you've
got it!
>qunlIj Dujus DaHot
Excellent! ....except, you need the pronoun {'e'} to act as
the object of the verb {Hot}: TKD 6.2.5. {qunlIj Dujus 'e' DaHot}
>toDujlIj yu'ta' HoHpu'DI' SuvwI'pu'
Who questions your courage? If it's an indefinite subject,
such as "you courage questioned (by someone)..." then you
need {-lu'}, the indefinite subject suffix: TKD 4.2.5.
Take great care choosing a prefix for {yu'} when you use
the indefinite subject suffix!! Otherwise, this sentence
seems good!
>'ej qorDu'lIj juH luHIvta' romuluSnganpu'
Perfect sentence structure, clear, and nice use of {-ta'}
to emphasize the Romulan's intention!
>jaj Hoch yIgetqu' 'ej jaj ram yIget
I see why you put {jaj Hoch} together, but I'm not sure it's
quite what you want. The noun-noun construction is a
possessive construction: {juH lojmIt} "the house's door." It's
a coincidence that in English, we can use "of" for this: "The
door of the house." "Of" has another use, which is called
the "partitive." Simply, this indicates that the subject
represents some "part" of the object: "I'm one of the guys."
Now, "all of a night" is a partitive construction, not a
possessive one. So, in "half of the night," "half" is part
of the "night." A little tricky.
Check out the translation in the Appendix of TKD for "Four
thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man."
This might hold the solution to this sentence.
>'ej bIQubta' lam DaQol
Again, you're using a verb, {Qub}, as a noun. For "thoughts,"
you need {Qubghach}. To make it possessive "your," add the
suffix {-lIj}, {QubghachlIj}. {bIQubta'} means "you did
(deliberately) think." The rest is good!
>'ej juplI' be'Hom ramvam Dalelchugh
Um, {juplI' be'Hom} means "your friend's girl" (TKD 3.4).
I suggest either {be'nal} or {bang}, depending on how
strong of a relationship you want to imply. Also, {ramvam}
is acting as an adverbial (TKD 5.4), and should come
at the beginning of your sentence.
>mIchDaq pegh yIpolqu' lupDujHom
The use of {pegh} as an adjective there is shaky. Usually,
Okrand provides translations of verbs which are intended
to be used as adjectives with the verb "be": "be ugly."
But {pegh} is given as "keep something secret," which I
don't really see as adjectival. (Note, if you meant it as
a noun, that it'd mean "in the sector's secret"). A
more straightforward attempt might be "hide the shuttlecraft!"
I'm not sure about using {pol} as "keep it there"; you might
try "cause to remain" {yIratlhmoH}.
>pa' watlhlI' datlhap bInIDlI' nIleghchygh
Again, you're using a verb as a noun. If you want purity,
form {watlhghach} (TKD addendum). Your sentence reads:
"there, you take being pure, you are trying if they see you."
Remember, what may be one sentence in English is often many
in Klingon. This is a perfect example. The English "try
to take her purity" has two verbs, "try" and "take."
That's a hint. So try it as "you take her purity. You
try that." Now, to add the "if they see you while" part,
it'd be: "while you try that, if they see you." All
together: {watlhghachDaj Datlhap 'e' DanIDtaHvIS
nIleghchugh}. See?
>nIHoHlI' 'ej pengDaq qIj nIngeH juH
they-are-killing-you and in a black torpedo they send you home
Looking at your translation, it seems you chose the suffix {-lI'}
on {nIHoHlI'} to indicate the future tense. Remember, there
is no tense in Klingon, only aspect.
Now, consider {juH} there. What role does it play in the
sentence? It's not a subject or object for {ngeH}, because
the prefix {nI-} fills both those roles. This is very tricky.
But, it can't stay there. You might try: "for the purpose
of sending you home, they put you in a torpedo."
{juHDaq nIngeHmeH pengDaq qIj nIlan}
>Well, thats it. Sorry so long, but I wanted to get it all in.
Which is longer, your post or my reply? _DO_ feel good about
this translation, it's much nicer than the first on several
counts. First, it's more Klingon! Second, you did a fabulous
job of casting the original song using the tools of tlhIngan Hol,
throwing in Romulans and shuttlecraft, etc. You really did
two translations, from original to fed-standard, and then
to Klingon. Also, your use of grammar and vocab is much
improved, even though I may not have said so in my comments.
Don't give up! I recommend you go over this song again,
and fill in some of the blanks I left. Who knows, we
might be singing it in Philly!
>b'ret
--Holtej