tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Tue Dec 13 10:21:30 1994
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Re: KBLC: Poetry attempt
- From: "William H. Martin" <[email protected]>
- Subject: Re: KBLC: Poetry attempt
- Date: Tue, 13 Dec 94 13:21:25 EST
- In-Reply-To: <[email protected]>; from "Kevin Britton" at Dec 13, 94 10:47 am
According to Kevin Britton:
>
> I tried to keep things simple with this one. I avoided complex
> sentences and used a minimum of prefixes and suffixes. This is my
> *first* attempt at writing poetry in tlhIngan-Hol, and I wanted to make
> it easy to correct. Here goes!
Good work. You've chosen well things that are within your
reach. While I do have corrections, know that you are close
enough that you can learn to clear this stuff up quickly and
the result will be a good foundation for later skills.
> wamghach The hunt
Okrand's interview in the most recent HolQeD explains that
{-ghach} added to a bare verb stem is a "marked" form. That is
to say that it is highly uncommon. A Klingon would understand
you, but would probably look at you funny, responding to
{wamghach} the way you might respond to "huntification". It is
clear that the root is a verb and you are turning it into a
noun, but without an intervening suffix, it sounds strange.
In this case, you can avoid the whole issue by using the verb
form. This could as well be called {jIwamta'}, {jIwamchoH} or
the like. If you really want {-ghach}, you might consider
{wamta'ghach}.
> poSDaq vay' vIQoy I hear something to the left.
Good.
> taghpu'qu' wamghach The hunt has begun!
Same problem with {-ghach}. Add that this could be equally well
stated verbally: {jIwamqu'choH} or {jIwamchoHqu'}, depending on
where you want the emphasis.
> pos je nIH qettaH Ha'DIbaH The beast runs left and right.
Remember that noun conjunctions come AFTER nouns, not between
them. Here, as you later say you considered, it would probably
have been better to say {poSDaq nIHDaq je qettaH Ha'DIbaH}. The
verb {ghoS} is special in that the direct object refers to a
locative concept without needing a locative suffix. We do not
know that other moving verbs, like {qet} follow this same
example.
> nuqDaq 'oH Where is it?
Fine.
> tlhonDu'wI'Daq tebtaH pIw The odor fills my nostrils.
Here, I think you DON'T need {-Daq}. The odor fills your
nostrils. The nostrils are the direct object of "fill". Also,
you may be leaning a little heavy on {-taH}, though I guess
poetic license makes that okay.
> narghlahbe' He cannot escape.
Just a typo. Should be: narghlaHbe', but you knew that.
> jItammo' jIH muQoylaHbe' Since I am quiet, he cannot hear me.
Fine. The {jIH} is not needed, but its presence is okay. It
puts emphasis on "me", like "Since I am quiet, he cannot hear
ME."
> chorDaQ tajwI' vIDuQ I stab my knife into its belly.
Oops. You hit a trap. This is awkward in Klingon. What you are
really saying is, "I stab into its belly WITH my knife," and
this kind of "with" requires a slightly awkward work-around in
Klingon. My usuall method is, {chorDaj vIDuQmeH tajwIj vIlo'}.
Others have recommended {tajwIj vIlo'taHvIS chorDaj vIDuQ}.
Notice that chorDaQ would be something like extremely long
belly-button hair. There is often a huge difference between {Q}
and {q}.
Notice that if a noun gets {-Daq} it usually stops being a
direct object. Instead, it becomes the location setting of the
action of the verb. You don't really want to say that you stab
at the space occupied by its belly. You want to say that you
stab its belly. If you keep {-Daq}, you would usually use {jI-}
instead of {vI-}. Lose the {-Daq} and use {vI-}. These
suggestions are not without exceptions, but generally {-Daq} is
not for direct objects.
> nom tevwI'meH ghoSlI' Hegh Death comes quickly for my prize.
Little goof. {-meH} is a verb suffix. You want {-vaD}. You
might also do better with a different verb. This one tends to
focus on travel, especially along a directed course. Something
like {Such} might be better, in which case you don't need
{-vaD}, since the prize can be the direct object of "visit".
Also note that {tevwI'} implies that your prize is capable of
using language. You probably want {tevwIj} instead.
> Qapla'wI'mo' ramvam jISoptaHqu' Because of my victory, I will eat
> well tonight!
Again, you want {-wIj} instead of {-wI'}. {ramvam} is also a
slightly controversial word, since {-vam} tends to be spacial,
while {ram} is temporal. {DaHjaj ram} is clearer. You are
emphasizing the continuation of your eating. If that's what you
mean by "I will eat well tonight!", then you have done well.
>
> I look forward to comments/criticisms. Qapla' suvwI'pu'.
'ej SoHvaD je.
> SoghHom KaaDaQ', Chief Nav-elect, IKV quljev'a' K'horn puqloD qorDu'
> ghargh'a''e'
charghwI'
--
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