tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sat Dec 10 05:24:39 1994

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Dear Kordite: A Klingon Advice Column



Herein find a reprint of an article I posted to Internet.  I thought it 
would be appreciated here.
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DEAR KORDITE: A KLINGON ADVICE COLUMN (#2)


Relieving holiday irritations

Dear Kordite,
	With the holidays fast approaching I am finding myself, as one of the 
few Klingons visible at conventions in the area, continuously hounded by 
humans wanting to know how to say 'Merry Christmas' in the Klingon 
language.  Klingons do not celebrate Christmas and, even if we did, it 
wouldn't be merry.  However, these explanations do not satisfy them.  And 
if I successfully avoid one, another takes his place.  What can I do?
								Under Siege

Dear Besieged,
	Of course the only proper course of action is to disembowel the 
inquisitive fool on the spot and, while his entrails spill onto the 
pavement, ask any spectators if there are any other questions.  Sadly, 
the Terran constabulary tends to frown on this sort of thing and may ask 
you to leave the convention so I offer an alternative.
	First, you want to smile in a friendly sort of way.  Then, being 
careful to speak clearly and slowly so the Terran can understand, say "To 
wish a Klingon a Merry Christmas say <DaH HIHoH>."  Help him to get the 
proper pronunciation and send him on his way with a hearty <Qapla'>!   When 
he does finally muster his courage and proudly state to a warrior, <DaH 
HIHoH>, he may receive what he's asked for in the form of a knife in the 
belly, proving the truism that one is born each minute.  If you are very 
lucky he will have gone to his friends to perpetuate his newfound 
'wisdom' before actually speaking to another Klingon.  If so, your 
amusement will be increased tenfold as his comrades meet similar fates.  
The gift that keeps on giving.  

	Lt.Cmdr. Kordite vestai-Tasighor (aka Kevin Geiselman) is Intelligence 
	Officer of the IKV Dark Justice and advice columnist for the Internet.  
	Send your questions to him c/o [email protected]

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I haven't received any replies asking what <DaH HIHoH> means.  A Merry 
Christmas, indeed!

Kordite




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