tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sat Jul 28 16:08:52 2012

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Re: [Tlhingan-hol] mIl'oD veDDIr SuvwI': 'ay' 1 - DujlIj yIvoq

Robyn Stewart ([email protected]) [KLI Member] [Hol po'wI']

At 06:50 '?????' 7/28/2012, you wrote:


Okay, Qov, if it'll keep you happy. :)


Quchmo' Qov mI'choH!
It's a long poem (novel-length), so it might be a bit quiet action-wise for the first couple installments, but then Shota Rustaveli wasn't aiming to write a mini-climax every 250 words, either. 

jIqaD'eghchoHDI' jItob'eghchu'.
The poem is already divided into 47 'ay''a'mey, but as with nuq bop bom I'll split it into 'ay'Hommey of around 250 words for easy digestion. 

vaj mIw chut cherlu'.


And away we go!



'ay''a' wa'DIch: roStevan, qolvat[1] Sep joH

1: DujlIj yIvoq
QI'tu' HoS'a'mo'[2], ben law' Qo'noSDaq qolvat Sep che'taH roStevan'e'. joH HoSghaj ghaH; Dugh ghaH, jeQ, quv, 'ej val. pung lo', leSSov ghajchu', 'ej Do', 'ach nguqHa'[3]. toy'wI' law', SuvwI' law' je ra'. SuvwI' Doj ghaHqu' je, 'ej pov SoQ laHDaj. puqloD Hutlh; wa' puqbe' mob neH ghaj. 'IH puqbe', Salbogh jul rurchu'; ghaH Dechbogh qo' wovmoHmeH boghlaw'pu' ghaH. 'IHqu'chu'mo', 'IQchoH luleghbogh loD 'ej maw'choH. joH puqbe'vam'e' naDlu'meH, 'ut wa'netlh jatDu', valwI' Sovna' je[4]. pongDaj 'oH tIna'tIn'e'; noyjaj pongvetlh! 

lut vItIvchoHpu'.


wa' jaj, qeSwI'pu'Daj rIt
toH, bItagh 'e' vIchupDI' jInmol Dataghpu' 'e' vIHar. 'ach mu'vetlh Dalo'mo' DaH jISov. DaH bItaghbejtaH. majQa'! 


roStevan joH. lucholpu' 'ej ba' chaH 'e' tlhob ghaH.


I get told off when I don't use {ba'choH} in this context.
batlh chaHvaD jatlh, HemtaHvIS 'ej jottaHvIS ghaH. « vay' SaqelmoHmeH SarItta'. qeS manobchuqjaj maH tay', » 

{matay'} or {Sutay'}
jatlh. « ngo'choHDI' lav 'IH, QaDchoHDI' porDaj 'ej nguvHa'choHDI', nenchoH latlh por 'ej Du'Hom 'IHqa'moH.
I got confused here whether the metaphor is of new leaves replacing old on the same bush or new bushes in the same garden. If the second por were a Sor or a lav, it would make more sense to me.
DaH jIHvaD qaSchoH yIn choS; tugh muHurghmoH yIn bertlham ram. nuvpu' ropmey'e' qanchoHghach qab law' Hoch qab puS. chaq DaHjaj jIHeghbe', chaq wa'leS jIHeghbe', 'ach 'opleS jIHeghbej. chay' bochlaH wovmoHwI', So'taHvIS muD Hurgh? [5] puqbe'wI' Dun law' jul Dun puS; ghaH Sughlu' 'ej joH woQwIj gheS 'e' vIchup. » 

morghchoH qeSwI'pu' 'ej jaq.
Qochbe'chugh joH mawlaH. Also I just realized that you're deliberately leaving a space between the guillemets and the text. Who else likes that better?
« qanchoHghach yIqelneSQo', 'o joH! nguvHa'choHDI' 'ej QaDchoHDI' lav 'IH, pIwDaj nIv larghlu'taH. maS'e' So'choHbogh QIb wov law' Hov wov puS, 'ej vaj qabbogh qeSlIj'e' nIv law' QaQbogh qeS'e' lunobbogh latlh nIv puS. 

I stumbled over 'ej vaj, preferring vaj aone.
vay''e' neHqu'bogh qa'lIj Da'angta' 'e' wInaDqu'. jul wov jeybogh be' 'IHvaD wo'lIj Danobjaj. be' ghaHbej, 'ach che'wI''a' mojmeH ghaH boghmoHpu' QI'tu'. che'laHchu' ghaH. 'e' wIjatlhDI' 'etlhlIj wIbochmoHbe'qu'; 

qatlh 'etlhlIj'e' bochmoHbe'?  yapbe''a' ghIch?
pIj wIjatlh maH bIDachtaHvIS SoH. norghna' bIH norgh puqloD'e', norgh puqbe''e' je. qo' 'IHmoH jul, qo' 'IHmoHjaj je puqbe'lI' ta'mey. »
lut vItIvbej. puqbe' qImHa'bogh lut pIm ta''e' charghjaj joHvam. motlh rurbogh lutvaD puqbe' 'IH nawnISmoH joH, 'ej loDnalDaj Sugh. qechvam vImaS. 



--------
[1] Kol'vat is a region on Qo'noS, from Diplomatic Implausibility. I'm extending it to Sep status here, because reasons. (Mostly I don't want to have to use a Sep that's already canon because most have weird dialect things going on. I'll be using those later but sticking to straight ta' Hol for the protags.) 

maj. I much prefer a Klingon retelling.
[2] Relocating to Qo'noS as the Klingon Hamlet did. As a result there's a lot of Christian references to tone down, so there'll be a lot of vague QI'tu's and qeylISes.
Daj. We're talking Georgia as in Gruzinskaya, no? I would have thought it was Muslim. ghorgh qaS? 


[3] Everyone get "be humble" or "be modest" out of this?


SIbI'. muyevmoHbe'qu'.


[5] Cheery bugger, isn't he?

val 'ej SepDaq SaHqu'.



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